Friday 4th February, 1911
The injustice of it! I’ve been given my marching orders and I didn’t even do anything. Apparently some customer complained about me. It must have been that snooty cow. Now I’ve lost another job all because some poor little rich girl threw a tantrum. I hate that her so much, I am so sick of these rich people who keep messing up my life. I really liked that job as well and I was good at it.
Tuesday 1st of March
I just don’t know what to do, I’ve got no money to pay the rent or to buy food and my brown dress and shoes are wearing thin. The only thing for is to go down the Palace. I’m going to change my name though, I want to make a completely fresh start and leave the old Eva Smith behind.
Friday 11th March, 1911
I wish that horrible, fat, old Joe Meggarty would just leave me alone every night he sees me he insists on coming over.
Tuesday 15th March, 1911
I met the loveliest man ever tonight. He looked really out of place at the palace . When he came over and rescued me from Meggarty I could have kissed him. Really posh hotel that we went to, but why did I let slip that I was hungry, he probably thinks I was trying to scrounge some money from him. The meal the hotel staff got me will keep me going for at least a few days though. I must get some sleep these late nights aren’t doing me any good.
Friday 17th March, 1911
Gerald is simply marvellous, he has found me a place to live for the next few months, and it’s beautiful too. I think I may be falling in love with him but I know I can’t ever tell him that. I do find it strange though that he hasn’t a wife or girlfriend I would have thought he would have been snapped up by now.
Monday 20th July, 1911
Seeing Gerald again tonight can’t wait. I’m going to wear the new dress that he bought me from Milwards, how I would have loved to have seen Miss Francis’s face if she had known it was for me.
Sunday August 12th, 1911
Gerald stayed round at my house last night. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Although it is a little embarrassing to keep taking his money. But he insists I do and anything is better than working at the palace.
Wednesday 4th September, 1911
I don’t know what I’m going to do without Gerald. He was my only reason for living. I’m so stupid for thinking that he could possibly like a girl like me as anything other than a poor girl that he took pity on. I’m not the same as him, he’s extremely rich and he choose to marry any girl he likes who is from the same class as him. Not me, what do I have to offer him?
Friday 10th October, 1911
I love the seaside; it’s really helping me to clear my head. Those were the best six months with Gerald that I have ever had and probably will ever have but I know I’ve got to try and put it behind me. I think I will have to return to the palace because the sum of money Gerald has given isn’t lasting as long as I would have hoped.
Thursday 2nd November, 1911
I went back to the palace last night and met a boy called Eric, he was a bit drunk but he seemed OK. He bought me a drink, and because I hadn’t eaten I felt a bit drunk myself. He walked me home and insisted on coming in. I told him I didn’t want him to but was making a real row, so I gave in. Besides, he could have got me thrown out of my room if he carried on making all that racket.
Thursday 17th November, 1911
Eric was at the palace again last night. He was less drunk though, I think he was a little embarrassed about the other night, but he was quite nice, funny too. He stayed the night again.
Saturday 6th December
I can’t believe this has happened to me, I’m pregnant! I’m going to have to tell Eric. He can’t help me he’s practically a child himself. Oh what am I going to do?
Monday 1st January, 1912
How can I marry Eric? It was very kind of him to offer but I don’t love him and he doesn’t love me, I barely know him. It just wouldn’t work.
Wednesday February 15th, 1912
How could Eric do this, if I’d have known that the money he has been giving me was stolen I would have never agreed to take it, what kind of person does he think I am? I don’t ever want to see him again.
Saturday April 18th, 1912
I’ve decided to try and get some help from the women’s charity in Brumley, I don’t know who else to turn to, they’re my last hope.
I’m too ashamed to tell them what happened between Eric and me so I’m going to tell them that my name is Mrs Birling and my husband Eric deserted me. It’s strange that last year Mr Birling had sacked me and now I’m carrying a child who should legally have that very same surname.
Sunday 21st April, 1912
Those nasty crows at the charity refused to help me because they didn’t believe my story. I can’t even feed and clothe myself let alone a child too. All I was asking for is a bit of was a bit of help in finding a house and maybe a job.
Friday 30th April, 1912
What kind of mother would I be? I haven’t even got a steady job.
It’s for the best, I know it is for the baby and me. Nobody will even notice that I’m dead. How I wish that this could have been Gerald’s child. I would have married him because I really did love him. It was easy for him just to leave me and let me get myself back together again; maybe if he knew how much I really did love him then he wouldn’t have left. Oh, what am I talking about of course he didn’t love me, how could he? Then I let myself get involved with that idiot boy Eric and now I’m left with this baby, poor creature. What a mess, this is all my fault, I don’t know how I could I have been so stupid. I just wish I could go to sleep and never wake up, I just can’t bring a child into the world. It’s not fair, I’m too tired even just to live how could I manage looking after a baby too. No, this is the best way to leave all my troubles behind.
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Lisa Perkins 10S
