Eva Smith's Diary
st September 1910
I've just got back from my summer vacation. It was lovely. I'm really looking forward to going again next year. Life's looking up at the moments, it's great! Just one problem though, the money I'm receiving at the factory. I've spoke to quite a few other girls on vacation and they earn much more than twenty-two and six. I'll speak to Mr. Birling tomorrow to ask him about raising it to 25 shillings a week. I don't see why not myself. I'm a good worker and have been in the factory over a year. We'll just have to see what he says.
2th September 1910
That's it! I'm not taking any more. A few other girls and me, who are sick of the terrible money, are going on strike. He'll have to raise our weekly wage then won't he, well if he doesn't I'm not carrying on working for him. He's a mean man, and only cares for himself, wants all the money. It's not very often I get annoyed I don't like to call people and say nasty things about them, but I really have had enough today. This man has really angered me. I'm an excellent, hard, pleasant worker. How dare he have the cheek to say no! "I was going to be promoted to Leading Operator, and I'd like a pay rise," I told his this afternoon for the 6th time in the past 2 days. "I've told you again and again Eva, every time you've asked me. It's my duty to keep labour costs down. I don't know why the hell you waste your time bothering me when you could be working - earning good money for my factor. The answers a straight no, so get out of my office girl. Get back to your bleeding work." What a lovely charming man Mr. Birling is, oh great is he.
28th September 1910
A few other girls and me were back at work today after the strike. Mr. Birling came down to us "Clear your stuff out girls, your not welcome here any more. I'm having non of this nonsense about pay rise." He said. I was shock, absolutely disgraceful. I've got to find a new job now. The first thing that comes up I will take because I'm really broke.
2nd December 1910
Today was my first day at Millwards. The customers and the shop assistance I worked with were all really friendly. I enjoyed working for once. Beautiful clothes and smart people surrounded me. The pay is a little bit better than at the factory, well of course it would be because Mr. Birling's just a tight, stuck-up old man! He only cares about money. I have no idea how his wife can live with him, I certainly never could. I had the most wonderful meal at Millwards. I'm so happy! I feel like someone again and not something.
28th January 1911
I can't believe this; I've been sacked from Millwards. This is terrible. Somebody complained about me... How could they complain about me though? I haven't done anything wrong at all. Someone's obviously been making up a pack of lies, haven't they? Yet again, I'm cold, hungry, soon homeless if I don't get some money together, all because I've been sacked for the second time. My life's not worth living. Every time something good happens it always ends up going wrong. I want a fresh start, I believe things will be better then. And ...
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28th January 1911
I can't believe this; I've been sacked from Millwards. This is terrible. Somebody complained about me... How could they complain about me though? I haven't done anything wrong at all. Someone's obviously been making up a pack of lies, haven't they? Yet again, I'm cold, hungry, soon homeless if I don't get some money together, all because I've been sacked for the second time. My life's not worth living. Every time something good happens it always ends up going wrong. I want a fresh start, I believe things will be better then. And I'm going to start the changes by changing my name to... Daisy Renton.
4th March 1911
I really don't want to go through with this, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to. I'll end up starving, becoming really weak and ill otherwise, so I'm taking a trip to The Palace Bar. I don't know what it's like in there; I've never been in before. I didn't have any interest in that place, but now... Now's different. It's my only hope, my last hope before I give up, give up for good.
5th March 1911
First a bad idea going to The Palace Bar, but it turned out for the best. Gerald... Oh he's wonderful; just perfect! The name makes me get lots of butterflies! It was a bad idea first because this horrible, fat man that smelt of alcohol and sweat came up t me. He wedged me into a corner. I was very scared; I had no idea what he was going to try to do to me. I was panicking, really flustered, scanning the room for some help when my eyes fixed upon this man... He was about 5ft 9', slim face, good looking, well dressed, looked my age with a huge smile on his face as I glanced into his deep brown eyes, with plead.
"There's someone on the phone for you." He told his old, horrible, fat man that had me pinned into a corner.
"You stay right their young lady, I'll be back as soon as I've finished on the phone" I shivered.
"Well I'm Gerald," he told me, still smiling, "you looked like you were in need of some help." He laughed. I wanted to get to know this man, Gerald. It was wonderful just talking to him! It made my day. He took me to the County Hotel where I had a few port and lemonades, which he kindly brought for me. I was still a little shaken and upset because of "Joe Meggarty," well that's what Gerald told me his name was.
Gerald was friendly and he seemed interested in my life. He sat there quite happily listening to me. I didn't want Gerald to feel sorry for me thought, which's not what I wanted. I let it slip that I was hard up and really hungry, Gerald being kind hearted and obviously from a good family insisted on buying me some food. We've arranged to meet up on the 7th March.
June 29th 1911
I've got a nice little room in Morgan Terrace, and Gerald's given me some money to live on. I was really grateful but didn't know how I could pay him back. I don't think he wanted paying back, but me being who I am felt I had to. If I don't find a way to then I'm going to stop taking money of him. For the best.
4th September 1911
I've had enough of this place, I need to go away and come back, making a fresh start. Gerald and me well we're finished with, theirs no more Gerald and me, just me. Daisy Renton - Trying to get on with her life. No money, no family, know one to love me, no one for me to love, no job, no house, no happiness. I could go on, I don't think I have anything to look forward to. I've decided to book a holiday to the seaside for 2 weeks, not that I've got the money. I'll find it from somewhere. See how the holiday goes. Forget everything, well... I could try. No harm in trying is there.
6th November 1911
I have no money, nothing. I feel terrible. Words can't express how I feel. Words are nothing compared to how I feel at the moment. Any day now, I'm right on the edge and I'm going to jump; taking my own life with me. One other hope I've got left is The Palace Bar again. I'm not sure I really want to go they're again, but I honestly don't have any more suggestions to earning money. And personally I don't have the energy to think. I need a goods night sleep where I'm not waking up every 10 minutes, scared, cold and hungry.
7th November 1911
There was a nice young man at The Palace Bar last night. I'm not going to get my hopes up. I have no idea what he saw in me! The other girls were showing of every little bit of flesh they could, flirting, smiling, really pretty girls. Me, I was sitting near the back of the Bar, wearing a long brown coat, looking like my usual glum self. Feeling sorry for my self you could say. When this young man walked up to me and asked what a beautiful girl like myself was doing in a place like this. He brought me a few drinks, he had rather a lot though. He took me back to my lodgings, he insisted that he did. I didn't want him to come in though; he turned really nasty with me, I saw a different side to him. I'm very frail and couldn't fight to get him out of my room so I didn't bother. Well what happened next is going to be very obvious to anyone. He forced me into my room, and what did I think he was going to demand next? At the end of the night he said bye and went. I didn't expect him to remember my name or where I lived though. I mean he was really drunk, I don't think he will remembered anything the in morning. Probably wake up in the gutter somewhere.
5th November 1911
I popped down to the local shop to buy bread, butter and milk. The basic things any woman needed to live on. And you will never guess whom I bumped into? Eric Birling! I took him home with me, I felt like he wasn't going to demand anything of me this time. We talked for a while and he told me a bit about himself. After we talked well, it happened again. This time it was much more meaning full and I can actually say I enjoyed it.
23rd December 1911
Oh gosh... I've found out something dreadful and going to tell Eric today, I'm pregnant. I'm not 100% sure, but I'm quite sure. And it's his; I know that for a fact. I don't think he'll take it too well. He doesn't seem the type for settling down and having a family. He just likes to get drunk and what he calls enjoying himself. Not much enjoyment in his life is they. I really don't know what to do, I mean a baby? I can hardly look after myself, never mind another person I've got to look after and care for. Well, I'll just have to see how Eric reacts to it, which I know, isn't going to be good.
25th December 1911
Christmas day, the worst Christmas I've had really. It could be worse though really couldn't it? Eric was really shocked about the baby, he kept asking me "is it really mine Daisy?" I mean what sort of woman does he think I am? Well yes I'm sure it's his, I'm positive! I'm not sure what to do though - with the baby. I don't agree with abortions really. I don't know if I want my life to go on any longer, how I'd end it I don't know.
st January 1911
It's new years day, everyone's happy and having celebrations with their family's. I'm just sitting in my lodgings on my own. The days are dragging on and I'm just waiting for a miracle to happen. I don't believe in those though. If you want something you've got to get of your backside and go get them! I've done that too often though, tried to go out and get them, and now to tell you the truth I give up. I'm pregnant and have had 2 lovers which have both ended in tears, lost my 2 jobs that I had, no money, no food and will be kicked out of my lodgings soon if I don't find some way of coping.
5th March 1911
No miracles have happened unfortunately. My life's as worse as ever. I'm feeling terrible because of the pregnancy and also because I'm not getting the right food. Especially as I'm feeding for two people at the moment. I talk to the baby sometimes; it's my only friend. I even talk to myself. I'm locked up in the lodgings most of the time because I hate going out, being seen by people that I used to see everyday. Letting them see what a state I am. Everyone will be talking about me saying that I can't look after myself, never mind a baby as well. They don't know the whole story though. It's just not my fault that I'm pregnant, well yes it is. I shouldn't of let Eric in my lodgings. I regret everything, right from the start when I asked for a pay rise at the factory. I sit there dreaming sometimes, thinking to my self - what if...? What if I'd never got sacked? I'd never met Gerald, or Eric? I'd never got pregnant; I wonder what I'd be doing to this day? Well I can dream what I'd like to be doing all I like. You can't turn back the clock. I'm just going to have to forget what happened which will be very easy to do. I'll never, ever again remember a thing...
7th March 1911
I've done it, soon I will not remember a thing. I'll b really peaceful and happy. Know one will miss me though, so then I won't feel guilty. I only feel guilty for one thing - my baby. But I mean what good mother would want their son or daughter to grow up, knowing that they will be ill because of no food, no roof above their head. Not having the advantages that other children have; that other children take advantage of. Waking up everyday with a roof above their head, breakfast on the table for them, loving parents that are there for them when they need help or are feeling down. Everyone takes advantage of everything they own, even their lives. They don't realize it until they've lost those things they love and care about though. Then it will suddenly hit them like a ton of bricks. People should learn to love what they have, but me, I can't go on any longer trying to be happy for what I have. I don't have anything, so I can't try to be happy. I've tried to many times, and now - I'm giving up trying. I've lost everything apart from my life. Which soon will also come to and end...