Millwards is a magnificent store which sells the most exquisite and tasteful ladies garments, and I couldn’t help notice a dress as I walked past the shop window. I decided to go in, and got chatting to a sales assistant about the dress.
She was very pleasant and while in conversation she mentioned that there was a store vacancy. She said I’d be ideal for the job and had very good taste. She offered to put a good word in for me to the manager and just like that I got it!
Well it couldn’t have come at a better time, with Christmas approaching, and finally things are starting to look up, at last.
I start on Monday and I pray that this time all will go well.
I feel like I’ve been given a second chance by someone and I don’t want to mess it up.
Friday 10th January 1911
I can’t believe it! Less than two months in a job and I’ve been sacked. Some idiotic, vain and shallow customer was trying on a dress and said I was laughing at her. Preposterous! I would never do such a thing. It’s obvious she’s got the wrong end of the stick.
Apparently she demanded that I be sacked or else she and her mother would close down the account.
I think it’s absurd the way the upper class can make such far reaching allegations and expect people to believe them.
They have no concern, of how it might affect others life’s and what the consequences of their actions may mean.
Just because I’m slightly less fortunate than them doesn’t mean that I can allow them to bully and dictate my life.
The winter is one of the coldest in years and I don’t even know how long this temporary accommodation is going to last me.
My whole life is falling apart around me, and I’m just a helpless bystander.
Saturday 15th March 1911,
I spend most my nights at the Palace Bar, watching people drift in and out, drowning their sorrows, night after night. However, I stay away from the alcohol and never drink in excess. I find drunks nothing but revolting, intoxicated out of their heads!
Anyway apart from the regulars that night, I spotted a young, rich handsome man who kept giving me glancing looks. He eventually plucked up the courage and approached me.
He told me his name was Tom Mills. We hit it off straight away; he was very well spoken and sympathetic towards me.
I told him my name was Daisy Renton. I felt uncomfortable lying to him, but I didn’t think id see him again.
On the contrary, he was adamant on escorting me to my door, I felt so embarrassed, and told him that I would be fine on my own, but he insisted.
When he discovered that I soon would have nowhere to live, he told me that a friend of his had gone away and that he was happy for me to stay in his flat, temporarily.
It was such a generous offer that I found it hard to reject.
He comes and visits me daily know, bringing food and money, but it’s his company I enjoy best.
Im exceedingly appreciative of what he has done for me, but there is no way that I can ever repay him.
I feel so at ease when Im around Tom, and I don’t have to tiptoe around him, or worry what he might think of me. For the first time in a long time I’m content with my life.
Wednesday 6th June, 1911
Im still seeing tom but I think our relationship is starting to evolve. My feelings for him are becoming deeper and I find myself thinking about where he is and what he’s doing.
He is the only person in a long time that’s cared and looked after me properly. I’ve always got a smile on my face when I’m around him and he makes me feel unique.
Nevertheless, there is always a voice in my head telling me that he can never be mine, it brings me down to earth.
Also the fact that I’m being deceitful doesn’t help, a relationship based on dishonesty isn’t going to last and I’m preparing for the day when he tells me it’s all over.
Thursday 3rd September 1911
Today was the day id been fearing, tom and I ended our relationship. I can’t say it was a shock because I had been prepared for it.
I could sense from his visits that his girlfriend was getting curious. I didn’t want to give him an ultimatum and force him to choose. Simply because I was afraid of rejection, its better this way.
I’ve decided I’m going to go away for a bit. To the coast, to see my friend Annie.
I've just got to get away from Brumley for a while. Get some seclusion and privacy and a fresh perspective on things. When I return I don’t know what will await me, and that’s the main reason I’m going.
Monday 29th October 1911,
I’ve just arrived home; the fresh sea air is such a contrast to the murky, polluted air of Brumley.
I had a great time catching up with Annie; we hadn’t seen each other for a long time and had plenty to catch up on.
But I couldn’t stay away for ever; I think running away from your problems just escalates them.
Anyway I found a small flat, it’s cheap but cosy. Im pretty tired so I better get to bed, it’s late.
Saturday 14th November 1911,
I’ve just come from the Palace Bar after being acquainted with a young boy called Eric.
I usually shy away from heavy drinkers, but there was something out of the ordinary about him. Something mischievous, quite charming in fact.
He did seem to get the drinks down him quite quick; I guess we all have our faults. No ones perfect. I should know.
Well he took me home, even though he had drunk more than I.
I’ve been doing some thinking lately and I’m afraid of being rejected. After the Works and Millwards, then Tom I don’t want to be rejected any more. That was the reason I was reluctant in becoming to close too Eric, in case he decides to dispose of like some worthless piece of filth.
Wednesday 3rd January 1912,
I was hoping that the beginning of a new year would mean a new start. On the contrary, I’ve just discovered that I’m pregnant.
I know its Eric’s there’s no one else. I don’t know where to turn next.
I told Eric and he said he’ll give me money, but I got the distinct impression one night, when he was drunk, that the money was not his own.
Just over a year ago, I was a prosperous factory girl on the verge of a promotion, and now I’m a jobless, penniless single mother with no one to support her. It’s like my life has been a whole chain of events, gradually going from bad to worse.
There isn’t anyone I can turn to, apart form the Brumley Womens Society. I heard about it form a girl at Millwards. They help women who are in distress or have non families to support them. I guess I’ve got nothing to lose, and everything to gain.
The worst they could say is no and them id be in the same position as I am now.
I’ve decided Im not going to have anything to do with Eric anymore. Im just a burden. An unwanted burden to everyone.
Sunday 25th March 1912,
I’ve made up my mind. Im going to see the Brumley Womens Society, tomorrow. I’ve been stuck in this rut long enough now and I’ve got to do something about it.
Im clearly showing now, so maybe they’ll believe my story a bit more.
I’ve decided to tell them that I’m a married women, whose husband has left her, it might give me a little more credibility, unlike a stupid young girl who has found herself in trouble and has no one but herself to blame.
Im going to call myself Mrs Birling, seeing as it was Birling who got me out of a job.
I’ve never done this before and Im fairly apprehensive about it.
Monday 26th March 1912,
I did it. I went to the Committee, and it turned out that the board was headed by some toffee-nosed, old cow that saw me as something she had scraped of the back of her shoe!
She interrogated me hard, and ultimately squeezed he truth out of me. I told her about Eric and the money, although I could tell by the look on her face that she thought my story was too far-fetched. I was refused any help.
It seems as though every door in the corridor of my life is slamming shut in front of my face. I fell lonely, isolated…suicidal.
Friday 5th April 1912,
I’ve been depressed for over a fortnight, every day in the morning I drag myself out of bed, thinking that this is a nightmare and it’ll all be over. If only it was.
What sort of life will this child have, I don’t even want it. Every time I gaze in to its eyes, there’ll be a reminder of my mistake, when all I want is to put an end to that sinister chapter of my life.
There isn’t going to be a happy ending, or a light at the end of the tunnel…