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False Pretence.

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Aim´┐Że Fitzpatrick 11D FALSE PRETENCE It is like a pain that hurts so deep down inside I can not find where it starts and where it ends. Sometimes I can not stop crying, and other times I can not find any tears, and I just shake with sorrow. I just feel so alone. I wish I could tell someone, but I don't know whom I could turn to with this. No one would understand how I feel. At night I lay awake for hours, just watching the clock change, the numbers move. I listen to the sounds of the night - the cars, the dogs, and wonder why it feels as if I am the only one awake in the whole world. The headlights flash across my room, but this only makes me feel even lonelier. My pain is real. It is not a physical hurt, but an ache so deep within me. I just wish it would go away. I cry and cry, until my pillow is soaked, until I can't think of anything except for the emptiness inside. I can barely eat, except when someone puts food in front of me. Nothing seems to interest me anymore- not my friends, not my books, not the TV. I don't understand what's happening to me. I wonder if anyone even notices what's happening to me, if anyone even cares. ...read more.


They yell so loudly and with so much anger that I wish I could become small again, like a little baby, so I wouldn't understand the hateful words they scream at each other. I know they keep saying it has nothing to do with me, that it's not my fault, but sometimes I think that if I were a better student, a good daughter, none of this would be happening. I think its all my fault! * * * * * * * * * * * * Mum and Dad had their usual breakfast fight today, but I stayed in bed until they were done. I can't take listening to the way they put each other down all the time. I was so tired after being awake most of last night anyway. As soon as they both left, I went through the medicine cabinet in their bathroom. There were a lot of tablets there, but I found one bottle that said "For Insomnia". I once read about a film star who killed herself by taking sleeping tablets. It probably does not hurt much that way. I still want to think about it, but every day I am more and more convinced that there is no other way out of this mess for me. Nothing matters much to me anymore. ...read more.


But I also felt kind of relieved that I had finally talked to someone about my problems. That terrible crushing feeling wasn't so bad anymore. Before we finished, Jenny made me promise that I wouldn't take any pills - at least not without calling her first. I was so grateful for her help that I agreed. I guess it wouldn't be such a big deal to call her before I do it. Then I wanted her to promise that she wouldn't repeat what I had told her. But she said she wanted my permission to tell someone who could help me. I got upset at that, because I don't think grownups can understand what a kid feels like in a case like this. But she said she would only talk to someone who was good at helping kids who are feeling down. It worked for a while but then the word got around about me. Someone had over heard our conversation. My world was rapidly collapsing around me. So that is why I am here. Standing above the cliffs. Looking down below at the violent waves, crashing at the rocks below. I could be over and done with in a matter of seconds. Being here reminded me of my childhood, when I was about 5 years old. As a family my parents and me would come t the seaside and take walks along the beach. I have many happy memories of this place. I have decided... (1437 words) ...read more.

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