I was a good dancer, but I could not attract that sparkle and radiance. I thought that if I stood close enough to her then some of that sparkle would rub off onto me. I was only a child. I didn’t know any better.
I practiced for hours and worked so hard. I stayed after Judy stayed. I could see my legs in the mirror, punishing the rest of my body to achieve recognition, success, fame, gold instead of silver………………….
Then there was her genuine modesty. Helping the rest of us, who may as well have been robots, machines, sparkless compared to her.
Just the sheer thought of Judy made me breathless. Everyone loved Judy for her dancing achievements. How I hated her. Everyone loved her and always assumed that she would be at the top.
I battled to never show my insane jealousy, and am still horrified and ashamed of what lengths I went to, to beat her and steal her gift. Every waking moment she was in me, killing me softly, gently. No, if I remember rightly, she plagued my dreams as well, flexing and arching her perfect body in a manner that was beyond my understanding. Daddy was the only who believed in me, the only one who thought I could match her.
I could confide in him, tell him how I wanted her gone. Just to never hear the teachers praise her, friends admire her, papers to stop printing pictures of her clutching yet another trophy, gushing like some pathetic film star, quoting to have said something like, “Oh, I’m so shocked, the others were all so good……………………”
Daddy stopped buying them. He understood what it did to me. Daddy said that if you wished hard enough for something then it might happen.
In November 1980, I had injured myself. The ligaments in my left calf were torn, from all the overtime I was putting in to my routine. I was practicing for the Under 18’s National Ballet Awards. Naturally Judy was taking part, rehearsing every night, often until ten o’ clock, some of the others told me.
I told Daddy and he cuddled me in his big strong arms and told me that I would be back with vengeance soon.
I put all my efforts into my college work and found out where my sparkle was, music. I did miss dancing terribly though. I knew that I could never win that trophy, especially now. Everyone thought that Judy would win though. I hated her. To Judy, it was probably just another trophy. If I won, it would have meant everything. She didn’t deserve it.
At the end of November the competition was about to commence. Judy however, did not win. Judy did not take part at all. Judy would never ever grace the stage again.
On the evening of November 26th, at 10:19 p.m., Judy was walking home after practicing. She turned left and walked down Spring Grove Road. It was raining hard, and she was wet and cold. She stepped into a puddle as she began to cross the road. Suddenly, out of the blackness, a car raced down the road at a deathly speed. Judy looked up as the car was heading straight for her. Judy screamed. Judy was hit, her body threw in the air and tossed into a drain.
The doctors don’t even know how she survived. Her legs, now paralysed, could never perform again and take her to victory. She was paralysed for life.
I could dance as she could not. A few months later, I entered my first competition since the accident and won. My first trophy, gold, sat gleaming over the fireplace. Daddy was overjoyed and bought me a new costume, he was so proud.
As I glanced at it properly for the first time, I was filled with guilt and regret. If the “accident” had not happened, Judy would have this trophy, on her fireplace, amongst all the others. Daddy wanted to know why I was so upset. I told him that I felt guilty about Judy. He said I got what I wished and should be happy. He looked away from me when he said this, something that my father never does. Then reality dawned on me. I asked Daddy about the accident. He said he was tired, went to bed and never mentioned the accident or Judy Forrester again.
That same night I gave up dancing. I could not do it anymore. The trophy’s’ I could have won were not mine, they were Judy’s’.
And now, as I look at the trophy in my hands, I know why.
