Food meant fear. When I first lost 5kg, all my friends and even my parents talked about how slim I look
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Introduction
Food meant fear I was a living corpse in the winter of 2010. 5:00 a.m. I switch off my alarm and get out of the bed with no hesitation at all. 5:05 a.m. laying my sports jersey on the side, I step on to the electronic scale which gives me a precise weight of 38.4kg. Sighing with relief, I grab the jersey back, slip on my running shoes and walk out of the door. 6:15 a.m. I sneak back into my room, panting a little, and close the door silently so no one wakes up. I take off all the clothes and feel enthralled to see 38.1kg on the scale. ...read more.
Middle
Such desire for excellence came to me as a burden when I went into my sophomore year. I used to never consider myself fat until one of my classmates publicly made fun of my legs that had no gaps in between. I was apparently very shocked, not because I was humiliated in front of everyone, but because I was not ?perfect? that no one would like me anymore. From then on, I began to refuse eating and tortured myself with exercises whenever I had time. When I first lost 5kg, all my friends and even my parents talked about how slim I look. However, when I lost 10kg more, they noticed how little I ate and were worried about my health. ...read more.
Conclusion
These three months were, to me, like an embryonic period to begin a new life. I was able to confront myself and realize that reaching for perfection would be worthless if I continue to torment myself. The biggest obstacle was my fear of swallowing food, but this became almost nothing when I saw my mother?s tears when she saw the bruise on my bottom that was too bonny. I started eating ?normally? again and walked out of home to school after three months as a new person. Today, I still aspire for perfection. However, I do realize that I will not be able to grab everything at once. So I walk step by step to a higher level, resting in between, constantly asking myself whether I am going overboard. ...read more.
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