favourite. He loved her to bits, he would buy anything for her. He didn’t understand that I needed him there for me, I loved him so much, and I wanted to be just like him. So one night they went out for another meal. I knew what was going to happen so I’d stuffed lots of cotton wool into my ears so that I wouldn’t hear the rows. Around 11:00 p.m. I heard the car brakes screech outside. So I braced myself. But as they came in I knew it was different. I’d never seen them argue so badly. It seemed that mum had taken it too far and had actually been snogging and was about to go home with another guy. Then it all wen t so quickly. Dad came storming upstairs packed a case and left. Gone. He’d walked out of our lives forever, and he hadn’t taken me with him. That was when I was 8.
Anyway in the evening of August 5th the phone rang and it was Vince. Mum was over the moon. He said he was coming over. From then on Vince came around a lot more often. He stayed the night a lot too. Then one day I came home from school, and there were cases all over the hall. I thought dad had come back, but then I realised it was Vince. He was moving in and there was nothing I could do about it.
Mum had only know him 4 weeks and I’d already managed to get into his bad books. I talked about Dad a lot, I tried to convince myself he would come back and take me to live with him. But it never happened. Vince hated me and there was nothing I could do about. Vince got drunk a lot, there was a lot of rowing between him and Mum. One night, he was so drunk he hit her. I remember hearing her scream. Jeanie and I rushed downstairs to find Mum huddled on the floor. All you could hear was Vince’s heavy breathing. Mum looked so helpless, lying there all-limp bodied. I had to do something, I charged at Vince, crying and seaming at him, I started to hit him. I kicked and punched with all my might, but I was only 11, a little kid what could I do. He simple picked me up. Bellowing at me about how I would be next if I didn’t desist. I didn’t stop I carried on kicking and screaming. Vince carried me upstairs and chucked me in the bathroom. I had no idea what he was doing. I heard him stomp back downstairs and into the cupboard underneath the sink. He came clomping back upstairs opened the door and placed a bucket in the bathroom and slammed the door shut. I knew exactly what it was, ammonia and bleach, we were doing it in science, chemical reactions, it produces a gas that makes you pass out. I didn’t know what to do I screamed and screamed, but neither Mum nor Jeanie came to rescue me. They were too scared. That’s when I decided. I couldn’t stay here, as soon as I got out of the bathroom I would pack and leave……..
I don’t remember anymore, Everything had gone black. I woke up later and found myself being prodded and pinched by mum. I couldn’t look her in the eye. She hadn’t come to rescue me, she mustn’t have love me!!!!!! I decided then and there that I would leave. I couldn’t stand it. I sticked up for Mum but she hadn’t done the same for me. I wanted Dad, but he was long gone. Probably got another family. There was no one I could turn to. I decided I would go to London. I lived in Croydon, so it wasn’t that far. My plan was to runaway on my way to school but I couldn’t. It was my birthday in two days, I would wait until that was over. The night before my birthday, there was another argument. I crawled under the bed and put my fingers in my ears. I couldn’t stand. Eventually everything went quiet and I could hear Mum and Vince go into their bedroom. I hated it. It was the final straw. I packed and left at 12:15 am. I was officially 12, but I felt like a toddler. I ran and ran and didn’t turn back once. I knew that if I even looked at the house I would feel so bad and go to them. I’d managed to get all my money from my bank account and I’d stolen some from Mum and Vince. £80 to be exact. I had altogether £160. I don’t know how I got to London. I just found my self there. I didn’t even know what I was meant to do. As I came out the train station, I saw a B & B sign. I was over-whelmed with relief. It was shut. I looked at my watch and found that it was 2:33am. I knocked and knocked on the door for ages and was on the verge of giving up when as light came on n the hallway. A grumpy old man came to the door. He was wearing this, not so white, vest with so many stains on it and grey boxer shorts. He also had this squashed rat like face, with bulging eyes and his voice sounded as though it could pierce through anything. He charged me £50 a week, and it wasn’t even as if the place was nice. It was a dump. Rubbish bags spread all over the place, dirty washing up, it was disgusting. But foolishly I took it, I didn’t stop to think about other B and B’s or Youth Hostels. I had to pay 2 weeks rent in advance, so that was £100 gone already, but for what? I thought things couldn’t get any worse, but I was wrong. As soon as I walked into my room, it hit me, full on. The stench was disgusting. It smelled as though there were a load of dead bodies in there, all decomposing. It makes my stomach tie itself in knots from just thinking about it. But I had to take it or walk away minus £100.
Over the next 2 weeks, I must’ve traipsed all over London. I went up and down every single road and alley, looking for a dam job. But not one business would offer me a job. It’s hard to believe that in the whole of London, not one business had any job openings. I know I was only 12, but I did look old for my age and I was very grown up. When Dad moved out I had to grow up a lot and fast. Anyway they all tried to fob me off with the old:
“I’m ever so sorry, but there are no spaces on our team at the moment.”
I knew they couldn’t wait to get me out of their shops and none of them were genuinely sorry that they couldn’t offer me a job. I should have resigned then and admitted defeat, but I didn’t. I carried on trudging all over London. I walked and walked, and I still walked even when my feet were so badly blistered and cut. My socks are no longer white, but are stained with dirt and my blood. It came to a point where the skin on my toes was no longer visible because of all the grime and blood. I did my best to wash it off at night, but it didn’t work. It washed off at night revealing pink raw skin, but the next day they would bleed again because of my walking. Daytime seemed to last forever whilst nighttime lasted all of 5 minutes. But then my time was up. I came home one day from another day of roaming the streets of London to find the landlord banging on my door. He told me that he was here for another week’s rent; I told him that I just hadn’t enough money and tried to reason with him. But he told me to pack my bags and leave. So before I knew it I was on the streets with hardly any money and no job. Out onto the lonely streets of London.
It’s weird to think that everything I owned could fit into one rucksack. One measly rucksack. I would have stayed on the streets if it weren’t for safe Harbors. Living in fear, every night, lying and listening. So many other homeless people I knew just vanished, like that. I found it really tough at first. I had nothing to look forward to. The minutes seemed to drag by. I did not believe that people walking the streets of London could be so selfish. Begging was the worst thing. I had come from Mum being able to buy me the odd few things to only just being able to afford a cup of coffee. I tried phoning home once or twice, I wanted to find out whether Vince was still with Mum. But every time I rang Vince answered and all I could hear was mum giggling in the background. I didn’t seem as though they were missing me at all. It seemed that no one cared. I was all alone. I struggled through the next two years. I don’t know quite how, I just did. I remember it was a chilly November night. I was lucky I was just in the right place at the right time. This lady approached me and said there was a place at a hostel. I didn’t have any money, so I told her I couldn’t afford it. She told me it was free, so I jumped at the chance. She told me she was from Safe Harbors. I remember that night was the best I’d ever had. Things then moved quite quickly, because I was only 14 they put me in touch with Social Services. They agreed to take me in. I decided then that I would get a paper round, and the money I earnt went towards my keep, I even got to go to school again. I couldn’t believe how lucky I was. Then one afternoon, I came back from school to find a young woman sitting the lounge of the children’s home. Auntie Mary old me it was Jeanie. I didn’t know what to say. I was in total shock. How had she found me? I got told that when Safe Harbors took me in that night, they had found the number in my rucksack. They hadn’t rung it straight away because they didn’t know how I would react. I didn’t even recognise the girl. I didn’t believe it could be Jeanie. I never thought I would see her again. She looked so grown up. I asked about Mum. She told me that Vince had left her about 6 months ago, but she was in a drugs rehab centre. It had seemed that Vince had got her hooked on all sorts of things. I felt a pang of guilt. If I’d have been there then maybe I could have done something. But I realised I was no match for Vince, he was easily twice my weight and height. Jeanie kept coming to visit me, and eventually she took me to see Mum. Mum was in a terrible. When I saw she cried and I cried. She told me she was sorry and that it was all her fault. She held me tight and I never wanted her to let me go. After about five months of meeting Jeanie again I got approached with a proposal. Jeanie had offered to let me stay with her and they thought I was ready. I have to admit I was scared. I live on my own, without any friends, without any family for such a long time. But I agreed. That was the best decision I have ever mad. I am now 18. I now live with my mum in a flat in Peterborough. Because of all the schooling I missed, I am currently in my final GCSE year. It was a struggle to get to where I am now, but the advice I give to everyone, is never give up trying.
I could never have done this though without Safe Harbors, they gave me a second, and now I’m asking you to do the same. Except you wouldn’t be giving me a second chance, you would be giving the thousands of people that sleep rough on the streets every night a chance, and that is something special. Thank you.
With as little as a £1 donation every month you could help some poor little person have at least a hot meal and some warmth. With a little bigger donation of £3 a month you could provide some unfortunate little sole a warm comfortable bed for the night. So please give the most you can whether it is a one off or donation or a monthly payment. It all helps.
