Good morning/afternoon, today I would like to present my opinion to you on how globalization results in the violation of human rights.

Good morning/afternoon, today I would like to present my opinion to you on how globalization results in the violation of human rights. According to Article 3 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, human rights are the “right[s] to the life, liberty and security of [a] person”. To violate the most basic human rights is to deny individuals their fundamental moral entitlements, to treat them as if they are less than human and undeserving of respect and dignity. As a result of such violations, the Universal Declaration of Human Rights was adopted and proclaimed in the hopes of eradicating all slavery, physical abuse, sexual abuse, inequality, arbitrary capitulation and depriving of rights.

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One such example of a violation of human rights is sweatshops, especially that of sportswear brand Nike. A sweatshop is a negatively connoted term for any working environment considered to be unacceptably difficult or dangerous. When the company was founded in 1972, it contracted factories in Taiwan and South Korea. However, when workers in both countries successfully formed labour unions, Nike relocated their factories to countries like China, Vietnam and Indonesia, where it is illegal for workers to organize unions and wages are the lowest in the world. Stories are told of child labour, physical abuse, wages way below the costs of living, forced overtime, exposure to hazardous chemicals and poor air quality. Another example of abuse of human rights is Chevron, which is responsible for killing peaceful protestors in Nigeria, causing severe health problems in Richmond, contaminating freshwater and farmland surrounding their factories, and rape, summary execution, torture and forced migration in Burma. This is a result of globalization as companies can now manufacture their goods in countries with much lower labour costs. These countries are usually more densely populated, which results in many people willing to tolerate abuse of their rights to some degree. These countries usually also have governments that are inefficient or corrupt, which results in the people’s cries for help going unheard. These companies know it, and they exploit it.

In order to salvage the current situation, international laws have to be passed against violations by governments, such as those of the countries that Nike chose to contract their factories in such as China, Vietnam and Indonesia, which violate Section 4 of Article 23 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, which states that “Everyone has the right to form and join trade unions for the protection of his own interests”. For violations that can be curbed within the country, the government should arrest and punish abusers duly. If we witness or hear of any violations, we should step out and put a stop to such behaviour. This is our duty, as fellow human beings.Thank you for your kind attention.

Janice,
Angelina,
Rachel,
Faith
4L

Peer Reviews

Here's what a star student thought of this essay

groat

10th of Feb 2012

Quality of writing

For the most part, spelling and grammar are used to enhance the essay's argument. However, there are times when sentences become too lengthy - this tends to be when a list is involved. Although lists can be good devices to show the vast number of incidents, they seem to be overused here. In my experience, by forcing yourself not to use lists as much, you then develop the points you would rather put in a list, thus increasing the level of analysis and enabling your argument to be stronger!

Level of analysis

The range of language used is good, but sometimes it is slightly awkward. For example "a negatively connoted term" doesn't flow well, and the same message could be put across by saying "a negative term". In my opinion, it is key to use concise language when trying to persuade an audience. I know students want to use intricate language, but it can become superfluous and out of place. I don't think this essay poses two pieces of evidence: the second example of Chevron is not fully linked back to globalisation. It is difficult to gain the top marks if the argument is diluted, regardless of how many rhetoric devices there are. On that note, I would've liked to see this essay build a bit of empathy. A rhetorical question such as: "How would you feel if you had to sew sweatshirts twelve hours a day?" would make this piece much more accessible to the audience.

Response to question

This essay manages to present an argument, but doesn't have enough points to make it overly persuasive. I would've liked this essay to have used more rhetorical devices. Yes, they are answering the question by showing the negatives of globalisation, yet it does not engage with the audience.

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