“I better do something before this narrative gets too boring,” Seamus said.
“What?” said a worried looking passer-by.
“Oh I’m convinced we’re all characters in a story,” said Seamus, “my shrink gave me some pills for it but I lost them.” Waving the passer-by away, Seamus ran to the fat man and motioned for him to follow.
“Where are we going.” Said the fat man.
“There’s an armoured police car in the basement.” Seamus pointed to a bar, behind it was a set of stairs leading to the basement. They ran down the stairs and into a car park. There was a loud crash. Seamus turned round and saw that when the fat man had come through the door he had taken the doorframe with him.
“Come on get in the car.” The fat man got in and the chassis touched the ground.
“I think we had better use the van.” After they finally got started and safely on the road Seamus tried to start up a conversation.
“So what’s your name anyway.” He said
“Graham.”
“What did u do back there? Everyone was pretty mad.”
“Well I bent over to get my popcorn and when I sat back I squashed I five year old girl. I was on big screen at the time.”
“Oh,” said Seamus. They drove past Auburn Hills and stopped by a large warehouse.
“Follow me.” Seamus took them around the back of the warehouse and opened some big metal doors. Outside had looked bland but inside was a wealth of colour, also two Chevrolet Camaro’s and a Lexus 300.
“How can you afford all this,” asked Graham. He looked around and saw some gold plated chairs, a throne made out of carbon fibre throne and a chandelier made out of diamonds. In the corner there was an attractive lady wearing snow leopard skin underwear.
“I’m obviously the leader of a drug dealing syndicate,” said Seamus rolling his eyes. Graham looked alarmed, he walked over to a large glass cabinet and was disturbed to find a mans body inside it, packed in ice.
“I see you like Bob Marley.” Said Seamus, mistaking Grahams expression for admiration, “I had him flown over the day after he died, I think he makes a lovely ornament.” Seamus was interrupted by a waiter carrying some sushi on a crystal platter.
“Colossal squid cakes anybody?” asked the waiter. Graham was dazed he sat down on Seamus’ throne. Seamus dismissed the waiter.
“I know it seems like a lot but you should see my volcanic lair.” Seamus suddenly developed a dreamy look in his eye.
“You know, I used to be a poor popcorn salesman. The business had been in my family for generations, but I was tired of it, I had dreams, dreams of becoming rich and powerful. Now after many years I got my dream I even own the police.” Graham looked scared.
“Oh I’m not evil, I just give the people what they want and I can give you what you need. I think the best plan would be if you left the country for a while waited for this whole thing to blow over.” Graham didn’t know what to say this was the most surreal sequence of events that had ever happened in his life, in the last two or three hours he had broken the seats in his car, squashed a five year old girl, been attacked by fans at a football game, and been rescued by a popcorn salesman who had turned out to be the director of a large drug dealing syndicate.
“Well I have, some work to do.” Said Seamus “make yourself at home, think over your options and we’ll decide what to do in the morning okay.” Graham still wasn’t sure whether he was dreaming or not but he nodded and went to explore. At this moment P.Diddy walked through a pair of doors.
“Well now I know I’m dreaming.”
“Oh no, this is fo real player,” said P.Diddy “I likes my bling and I be blingin damn near everythin in my body, see that,” he pointed to a large lump at the end of his penis, “ that ain’t no growth that’s four carat baby, now when you be blingin everythin like that the only thing left to bling is your organs, unfortunately it’s illegal in America, that’s where Seamus comes in he’s sortin me out with the best surgeon around and then we be gold platin my liver brother.”
“Well good luck with that.” Graham took the liberty of going to explore the basement. When he was down there he found a full sized basketball court and a gym. Michael Jordan, Larry Bird, Jerry Stackhouse, Grant hill, Shaquille O ‘ Neal and Lebron James were playing a game of 3-on-3. Graham shook his head and decided he would take Seamus’ advice. He went to find a bedroom, and after finding a suitable one he went to sleep ready to face whatever strange occurrences the morning would bring.
