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An inexperienced gym-person will probably slug out sweat, rip his lungs and embrace pain to work out. An experienced gym-person will probably never ever want to look at the gym again. And a brand-new-gym-person will probably not realize that he now qualifies for confinement in a mental asylum... Gyms are the scourge of the nation! And as for the people who exercise in gyms - they are evil people. I don't like them. Well, at least I think I don't. I don't really have a friend who's a gymmer...nor would I be anything but dead with embarrassment if I ever knew one! Forget the noise pollution of the piggish grunts! Forget the nose infections caused by the sweaty armpits, and even-stinkier undergarments! You, with tremendous effort of will, might even forget the blasted offence to the eyes by looking at a typical body-builder. Not because they resemble overgrown hamsters, huffing and puffing wherever you look, honor-bound to their bicep machines, like samurai on a suicide mission. ...read more.


Are we going to grind the morals of our ancestors to dust, just so we can satisfy a new lunatic-fad group of people lifting two hula-hoops on sticks? Are we going to change our very reason of existence, just so we can ignore our sports of time ( read football, cricket and every sport other than those starting with a g-y-m) for some excruciating exercise of self destructions ( again read g-y-m). Then again, I suppose the cavemen back in 10000 BC might have tried to exercise with rock slabs. In today's gym, nothing nearly that sophisticated is used. 2. Gymming makes our muscles strong: Body builders have a 100% upper body /0% lower body weight distribution. This phenomenon is often seen on 'Animal Planet's Funniest Animals' is created through only working on the easy-to-show-off biceps. This causes immobility as the legs cannot work with the upper body bulk. However, this is countered by then working out solely on the leg muscles - which then creates a 0% upper body/ 100% lower body weight distribution - making sure the legs are too absurd in either scenario to move the body anyways! ...read more.


Every little spoink on a bicep-builder, per se, offers you the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to get an everlasting residence visa in the local hospital's ICU! The first knob is illustrated in the manual, but not on the machine. The second knob is to lower the dumbbell down - more like drop it on your now-just-broken-foot. No one knows what the third knob is for. Bicep-builders also boast of a fourth knob, which can break your bones more efficiently than even the second one can. Here are the 5 main reasons teen-gymmers tell their dads how they break their bones: 1. "I fell down trying lift weights." 2. "I fell down trying lift weights." 3. "I fell down trying lift weights." 4. "I fell down trying lift weights." 5. "I was working so hard at the gym that, honestly Dad, a cute chic walked past and winked at me, so I fell down love-struck, trying to lift weights." However, in the end you can't truly appreciate the dictionary definition of 'stupid', until you observe a body-builder grit his teeth in agony in the confines of a gym...and you won't enjoy it half as much, unless you bring a few friends along to laugh alongside you. ...read more.

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