Ashamed, I dressed and seized my keys. I caught glimpse of my daughter pictured on my keychain.A tear trickled down my cheek, why did I always have to let them down? Although they did not know it I couldn’t be a bigger embarrassment if I tried.
The rain fell hard on my window screen; the lightening illuminated my tears which fell from my eyes of despair. I arrived home to find my wife, Jenny sat awaiting my arrival. Within seconds she was questioning me as to why I had barely beat the sun. She paced towards me and seemingly caught sight of something of interest. I can remember her exact words
“Get out, how dare you, don’t you ever come anywhere near me or Holly again, you cheat, you scumbag, you promised me no-more women” I glared down to find smeared lipstick on my left collar. I tried to calm her down but the more I tried to compete against her stubbornness the worse the situation become. I turned for the stairway, there sat my baby girl, she had heard every word. She was starting school on Monday I wouldn’t even be there to ask her how her day was. I took her by her hand and led her upstairs. I sat her on her bed and crouched before her. I looked her in her hazel eyes and told her how much I loved her and how I’d never forget her. As I seen her tears fill her eyes I couldn’t bare the pain. I kissed her head and held her tight: I never wanted to let her go. I pulled her away from my torso and waved goodbye.
Driving against the rain was like driving against a brick wall. The rain hammering against my car, I pulled up at a set of traffic lights. Though the radio was on low, it seemed to attract my attention. It was our song; mine and Mirandas. How I loved those nights, the passion, the lust, the sex! My hands clenched the steering wheel just as they had Miranda that very last night; when she told me her news.
I can remember it perfectly, her words running through my head like acid, burning every sane brain cell my mind contained.
“I’ve come to a decision; I don’t want to see you again”
“Why!” I had questioned not wishing to give up those astounding nights we had shared.
“The thing is” she said “your becoming too attached you don’t seem to realise anymore, this is my job not my life. I won’t be changing my mind either.” My foot was in my mouth, I didn’t know what to do. Miranda pushed me onto the bed and straddled me.
“This is our last time” she whispered “let’s make it the best”. At this of course I did not argue.
I woke a few hours later and glanced at the clock: 3am! Jenny would be wondering where I was. I rose from the bed in which my dirty deeds still did lie. I staggered into the bathroom to shower.
At that my head fell on the horn which startled me from my thought. I felt sick as my stomach churned.
Two weeks passed in which I stayed in a bed-sit, it wasn’t great; however it was a shelter from the world. Here I stayed all day and night contemplating what to do. No matter how hard I tried I could still not combat my guilt; especially on the day of our true goodbye.
Standing there before Mirandas grave the rain slashed my countenance: just as my tears had the night I knew of her death. I wish I could turn back the clock, I wish I knew how! I wish I knew why she had to force me to do it. Why did she want to end our love?
I told u life takes us on a twisted journey; didn’t I? But what I didn’t tell you was the blowing of my fuse. I loved her and she wanted to say goodbye, I just made sure it was for good, which was what she wanted: didn’t she? I just made sure that if I couldn’t have her no one could!
