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How To Make A Grand Entrance.

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How To Make A Grand Entrance. A great man once said, "first impressions last". But as I have no idea who this man was, I think he himself was having a little trouble giving a good lasting impression. But why? And what makes a good first impression? Comedy? Tragedy? I assume not history, as the most boring parts in my life have been over written in my memory. I took this question as my duty, nay, my purpose to find the answer. I was preparing for a speech on the next night and figured I was sure to win with an entrance that could not be forgotten. This was, essential. I set off to research the subject in question. Books appeared to be no use to whatsoever as no one it would seem had ever written a book on the correct and concise way to make an entrance of grandeur. After many hours of slaving over a hot internet connection I fell across a few sites assisting me in my search for the greatest grand entrance yet. They were of little help ... One site explained to me in great detail the story of Kevin, Bill and Peggy making a grand entrance in the lobby on Saturday evening. They were all 90 year olds having a big night out from the ol' retirement village wearing ties and eating puree chicken in a smorgasbord restaurant. ...read more.


That didn't impress me. I found it sad. Surely there must have been better ones out there. I was tired, so I crawled off and went to bed. Soon I was dreaming, entering the realms of my subconscious. In the midst of my deep thought I stumbled upon a fact. I realised that everyone, no matter how dull, boring or timid, makes a grand entrance at one point in their life. One that with no amount of preparation, money or time will ever be out-entranced. A grand entrance so grand in fact it will be eternally scorched into the minds of anyone privileged enough to witness this feat of gusto. But the thing that surprised me most was the fact that one makes this grand entrance at a point in their life where they do not have the brain capacity to determine an appropriate entry, the start. Who can after all argue the effectiveness of hibernating for none other than 9 months before before appearing head first, wrapped in amniotic fluids, pushing and squeezing through a woman's birth canal, shooting out the last few centimetres, veritably bungee jumping to the ground by a cord constructed of flesh welded to it's stomach, before bursting in to a fit of screaming rage and confusion. I know I can't. Birth was the answer. ...read more.


Speaking of sequels. And threequels ... the Terminator was onto something good when he coined the phrase "I'll be baaahhck", because it not only leaves the lasting impression he is in fact going and he wants everyone to know about it, but also leaves opportunity for him to come "baaahhck" and dazzle the crowd with a grand entrance. But probably one fo the most famous exits, and certainly my favourite was Oscar Wilde as lay on his death bed. And with his final gaping breath, muttered sweetly, "The wallpaper is killing me. One of us has to go." 40 odd years later this is remembered, a feat certainly worth attaining. Or at least attempting to attain. With those three examples I concluded the majority of the exiting was done through death. This was bad. Could this mean the only true way to prevail in one's exiting was to cark it? It then hit me. To do my speech with an effective entrance and exit I would have to speak for approximately 76 years! I slumped back in my computer chair. It was hopeless. What was I going to do for the speeches? How was I going to end it?! With a topic of this relevance, surely the audience would be expecting somewhat of a grand exit at the very least. I thumbed through an Oscar Wilde book looking for something. Anything, anything at all. And then, with a final glimmer of hope, I settled on exiting as most writers do. As most novels finish... The End. ...read more.

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