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I don't know what's wrong with me. I really don't. I swear last week I was going schizophrenic. I kept hearing voices in my head saying things, but I couldn't hear what

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Introduction

And Miles to Go Before I Sleep I don't know what's wrong with me. I really don't. I swear last week I was going schizophrenic. I kept hearing voices in my head saying things, but I couldn't hear what. Then, suddenly they stopped talking to me; I don't know what's worse. At least when they were talking I new that must be what I had, schizophrenia, but now they've stopped it could be anything. I heard about this doctor in America, Alabama, who was treating a patient who thought he was being controlled by the devil or something. I think in the end they tried an exorcism. Maybe that's what I need. Maybe I should fly out to Alabama right now and request an exorcism. Not that I think the voices were from the devil and not that their even still talking to me, but it might help. That's just my luck; even the voices inside my own head won't talk to me. They're giving me the silent treatment, just like everyone else. At first I thought it was because they thought I had been contaminated by Bilharzia. It's a disease caused by parasites called Schistosomes. I tried to tell them that the colour of my skin was caused by anaemia and had nothing to do with schistosomes, but I don't think they believed me. ...read more.

Middle

I'd learned my lesion; don't go abroad, too many mixed cultural messages! I know what you're thinking; you're probably shouting it as you read this, 'Hypochondriac!' but I'm not I swear. That's what the doctors in Scotland thought; they gave me a leaflet about it. It's what the physiatrist my mum made me see when I was fourteen thought as well. Well they're wrong and so are you. I'm not a hypochondriac, I'm just careful, there's nothing wrong with being careful. I know we all make up our own little stories, in our heads, to justify our eccentricities, our foibles. The things we do. But this isn't one of them. I mean, did you know that, approximately 600 people in Britain are seriously harmed due to incidents concerning irons, and that you are more likely to get a harmful electric shock in you own home, then you are to get hit by lighting! See, it's the unexpected; I'm just prepared that's all. There's nothing wrong with being well equipped for an emergency. Besides I count myself high risk on account of the fact that I am rather short and weedy no matter how much I eat. I bet he's telling you he's not a hypochondriac, don't believe him, he is. He's been trying to convince me he's not since he was thirteen. I think his Nan and the man that runs the health food shop are the only people who believe him. ...read more.

Conclusion

Even his soul mates, his fellow hypochondriacs become disillusioned and leave him in their constant efforts to outdo his 'disease fascism'. You can't escape infection and illness, just like you can't escape growing up. Bacteria have been around since the dawn of time and no amount of anti bacterial scrub will change that. I don't know whether hypochondria is the fear of disease or whether it is the anticipation of it. I guess it's sort of like walking into a dark wood and watching it fill up with snow, not being able to tell were the first flake will fall and in time, not being able to tell were one path ends and the other begins. Just like losing the ability to differentiate between the reality of a situation and the gaps your mind falsely fills, whether they be a mile long or an inch short. Not knowing your own sanity is the title of the first chapter in the book of lunacy. Now, I'll bring you back to the first point our 'friend' raised. Schizophrenia, how can you tell the different opinions of ones mind? "We all make up our own little stories, in our heads, to justify our eccentricities, our foibles. The things we do." Thought tracking from one part of the brain will indefinitely resonate with another, but what if it doesn't, what if the two parts are in constant conflict like the grinding together of two ice sheets, battling since the mere age of thirteen, how is one who is trapped inside their own mind able to be free? ...read more.

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