I was a state, tears ran down my face like a cold tap being left on in an empty house for days

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A Distinct sign

        I was a state, tears ran down my face like a cold tap being left on in an empty house for days. My heart was burnt from the worst heart burn I've ever had. I was totally speechless, like a bird trapped in a cage, and all there was left of him to see was the ash.

It tore me apart knowing that my Grandad’s gone and it hurt even more knowing that Im never going to see that smile he used to give, it was a horrible feeling. The cremation was the worst, just knowing behind those curtains was my Grandad being burnt to ashes; it was like being stabbed with a big knife and it just being pushed into my heart deeper and deeper by the second.

At the cremation I remember the speech the priest gave and he said something I remember very clearly and this was “Just because you can’t see a person it doesn’t mean they’re not there” and he also made me see that our bodies are just shells, He backed this up by saying “a car cannot move without a driver. Its what’s in the inside” All this made me see sense and comforted me a little more. My first impression was when a person dies a person dies, that’s it! They’re finished forever.

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        I’m not sure if I did the right thing but a few days after the cremation, I got drunk because I thought it would help ease my mind a little. I ended up back at my flat with my ex-girlfriend. I was so drunk, that while my girlfriend was in bed, I went into the next room and made a quija board to try and contact my Grandad with. I got to say it didn’t work but made me sober up in minutes while doing it, and also made me feel very cold.

        The next day things ...

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