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Jane's Diary

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Jane's Diary Dear Diary, The night before my wedding night I recall having a strange dream which "I interpreted as a warning of disaster. I feared my hopes were too bright to be realised" and now I know that what I had feared had now become true. Today was the worst day of my entire life. The one person I most truly loved in the whole world has left me with no other choice but to leave him and never return. "Mr Rochester was not to me what he had been; for he was not what I had thought him." "Real affection, it seemed, he could not have for me." "Oh, how blind had been my eyes! How weak my conduct!" When I awoke this morning "I knew not whether the day was fair or foal." Sophie came to dress me and when I looked into the mirror "I saw a robed and veiled figure, so unlike my usual self that it seemed almost the image of a stranger." Mr Rochester then took me into the dining room and said "he would give me but ten minutes to eat some breakfast." I felt as though everything was in a rush because then, "I was hurried along by a stride I could hardly follow; and to look at Mr Rochester's face was to feel that not a second of delay would be tolerated for any purpose." When we arrived at the church, I noticed "two figures of strangers straying amongst the low hillocks." I wondered who they were but in the end I assumed they were going to witness the ceremony. Mr Rochester and I entered the church and the ceremony began. "My conjecture had been correct: the strangers had slipped in before us." Everything was going according to plan but when asked if there was a reason why Mr Rochester and I should not be married, a voice said that the marriage could not go on because there had been an impediment. ...read more.


"I recognised well that purple face, -those bloated features." I stood there in complete shock, I felt like I was in a dream. I just couldn't take it all in. I had been living in the same house as Mr Rochester's wife and was oblivious to everything that had been said. It was all clear now; everything seemed to fall into place. It explained the continuous laughing in the middle of the night and my veil that had been savagely torn in half. Mr Rochester then "flung me behind him" and "the lunatic sprang and grappled his throat viciously, and laid her teeth to his cheek." I was full of shock and couldn't do anything but stand there and take it all in. I was horrified to see this poor creature being locked up in this room for all these years, knowing that Adele was in the house and Mr Rochester didn't do anything to stop a tragedy occurring. Soon after everyone had left I locked myself in my room and plunged into despair. All these questions were floating around in my head and I didn't know how to answer them. "Where was the Jane Eyre of yesterday? -where was my life? -where was my prospects? "My hopes were all dead-struck with a subtle doom, such as, in one night, fell on all the first-born in the land of Egypt." "I looked on my cherished wishes, yesterday so blooming and glowing; they lay stark, chill, livid corpses that could never revive." "I looked at my love: that feeling which was my master's-which he had created; it shivered in my heart, like a suffering child in a cold cradle; sickness and anguish had seized it; it could not seek Mr Rochester's arms-it could not derive warmth from his breast." I prayed for God to be with me. In the afternoon "I raised my head, and looking round and seeing the western sun gliding the sign of it's decline on the wall, I asked, what am I to do?" ...read more.


I must part with you for my whole life: I must begin a new existence among strange faces and strange scenes." I could not bear to stay and watch the love we had twist and turn bitter, knowing that I could never be his wife because it is wrong, I will never be more than a mistress to him while Bertha is alive. As soon as I went to bed that evening, a slumber fell on me. I could not stay and endure another minute so I got up, got dressed and gathered my belongings. I whispered farewell to Mrs Fairfax and my darling Adele. I am going to miss them terribly, for they have cared for me and made me feel like a whole person for the first time in my life. As I walked past Mr Rochester's chamber, "my heart momentarily stopped it's beat, my foot was forced to stop also." I could hear him pacing up and down his room. This was the worst experience I ever had to endure, "that kind master, who could not sleep now, was waiting with impatience for day. He would send for me in the morning; I should be gone." I went downstairs "I knew what I had to do, and I did it mechanically. I opened the outside gates and departed Thornfield. I do not know what the future holds for me but I just have to start again somewhere new. All I ever wanted was to be loved and treated fairly with someone who respects me and is honest with me. After a life of loneliness and neglect I wondered if I could ever find another man who values and loves me in the way Mr Rochester does yet my conscience tells me that I will respect myself all the more if I bear suffering alone and does what I believe is right. I love Mr Rochester with all my heart but he is a married man and it is wrong. I must forget about Thornfield and pray and hope I find true happiness elsewhere. Jane ...read more.

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