I hated you when in the feast with all our guests and friends. Your mind pulled tricks on you and you claimed to see your dead friend. I was ashamed and embarrassed. I made excuses to the guest's about your behaviour but they wouldn't accept. You embarrassed me in front of everyone. I had to sort you out. I told you, You have displaced the mirth, broke the good meeting with most admired disorder. You deserved my wrath because you ruined the feast and nearly confessed to our sins.
I love you still because I still remember the good times when we were close and our heads were full of ambition and dreams of being king and queen. I remember the joy I had when I received your letter about the prophecies made about you becoming king. I asked the spirits to unsex me so my femine weakness would not spoil our ambition because I knew what had to be done.
I had no doubt in my mind when I planned Duncan's death after reading the letter. I knew that you would back away from this so I had to push you and give you courage such as when I told you to leave the rest to me without this you would have been worried about the consequences and probably would have not done it.
I bullied you to do want I wanted and I constantly insulted your masculinity and questioned your bravery to boost your courage as well. Now as a result my mind is full of things that I cannot explain. Images are sounds our circling in my head. I feel my feminine weakness is coming back. I am confused. I feel that I have written this letter again and again in a dream that I can't quite remember.
My life is ending. I cannot live with this confusion and sin. I tried to be brave and strong and I kept my pain inside me. It is like you and me have swapped. You were weak and I was strong. Now I think that I am weak and you have gained strength through my control of you. I really need you to give me strength. I want to be strong and in control. I have always liked it that way and now I feel that I can never have it again.
So what's the point of me living? I am useless. My ambition has gone. I still love you deeply so if I end my life I give you life because I am a holding you back. Our relationship is long gone and in my present state I could easily slip up and then some one will find the truth about the murders. I will miss you and I will miss being Queen. I still don't know now if I regret the murders all not. I am not sure about anything but I am certain what I should do now. So goodbye my love maybe I will see you again or maybe I will never see you whatever the outcome I will miss you.
Goodbye,
Yours lovingly
Lady Macbeth
