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Last night we ran around the city, armed with lipstick, compacts, tiny bags and a map, just like fifteen year olds.

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Introduction

English Language and Literature essay Last night we ran around the city, armed with lipstick, compacts, tiny bags and a map, just like fifteen year olds. It rained today, poured down like the Monsoon in India, I loved it, for the first time I felt free, Id discovered a new philosophy on life, and was determined to make it happen. Of course it was not going to be easy, but I would be free again, free to control my life. I now understand you cannot always blame yourself for your misfortunes; some things are out of your control. I had visited the doctors a week ago, 'I've been getting headaches', I explained 'I know what the cause is', I quickly added, I wanted a prescription for anti-depressants. Doctor Nelson had wistful expression, I suddenly felt exposed as if he knew something about me that he shouldn't, his eyebrows met each other and then moved apart suddenly, 'Tell me a bit about yourself', he said with a warm smile. 'Well I work in a bank, Barclays, I quite enjoy it, I get on really well with my colleagues, I had a pay rise last week', the doctor smiled at me, his smile invited me stop talking, 'Ok Karen, tell me a little about your past, your childhood', he said softly. 'I had a happy childhood, my mother was very loving, you could say I was spoilt ' I said presenting a false smile. I was lying I looked at the certificate on wall to the far right Arthur Nelson, Master Of Medicine, Cambridge University. ...read more.

Middle

well lets see how it goes first'. I left the surgery the day feeling disappointed, I hadn't got the prescription of anti-depressants, I could tell by the way he spoke to me that he thought I was on the verge of a mental breakdown, I knew I wasn't, me? 'Surely I am in control of myself' I thought?. That night I went out, id told John I was going to see my foster mother Marian who had been ill for months. I wasn't, Charlie, who I had made friends with at work had invited me to come out for a meal millions of times, 'why not bring John, Ill bring my husband too I'm sure he wont mind that she had begged persistently. I had refused, afraid of what John would say, he had said I shouldn't associate with,'cheap, excess baggage', and that he didn't trust me going out in the evenings anyway. I felt done enough to hurt him anyway, I'd never been a good wife, I was too into my career, I was the reason John had become an alcoholic. He never used to drink so much. I went out that night feeling somewhat afraid, of what would happen when I get home. John would arrive home at 8:00pm maybe he'd phone Marian and ask where I was, she'd say I wasn't with her and hadn't been today, one thing when I arrived home he'd go mad and punch me again and again, just like he did last time. ...read more.

Conclusion

'Oh don't leave so early Karen, stay another half hour, please', said Paula, I decided half an hour wouldn't hurt, or maybe it would, physically and emotionally. 'Karen how are you and John?' asked Paula, I just couldn't tell them the truth, it would be too humiliating. 'Oh were fine, just the same as usual', lying to close friends was one of the cruellest things a person could do. I had no choice. The girls, my friends began talking about doctors now. That reminded me of my visit a month ago. It suddenly dawned to me that maybe Johns violence could be linked to mental illness, the questions the doctor had asked me were all linked to troubles in the past, maybe John needed to see a psychiatrist. Of course that was just a thought. Id always blamed myself for John's violence against me and his drinking. I don't know what the problem was or where it had begun. But all I know was that I loved him and had tried to be as good a wife as I could be. It began to rain, I suddenly began to feel happier, even though when I would return home John would probably hurt me, I was one step closer to regaining a part of myself that I had lost before, my self esteem, my confidence, my dignity. It rained all night; we'd missed the last train and ended up running around the city searching for a taxi. The map Charlie had taken with her was paper Mache by now. As we waited for a taxi, I smiled to myself the first genuine smile in ages; I was so great to feel free. ...read more.

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