I started to experience more of his anger I was petrified, scared to do even the slightest thing wrong cause of his violent temper. Things like coming in a little bit late spilling something or would trip on something. He would yell abuse at me tell I was useless, clumsy (which yeah I was but come on everyone is) and that I dint care about any of them. I and my mum weren’t the only people to feel the result of Richards’s violent temper, his son Thomas once got dragged across the floor and on the stairs because he had kicked me in between the legs. Yes it was wrong but Richard was more in the wrong for dragging his son along the floor. I mean one time he pinned me up against the wall before ,it started over a iPod his daughter charlotte had won this competition cause who could ever take a picture the nicest beauty spot in padiham would get an iPod and I mistaken the picture for mine. He went mad and I was at top of the stairs whilst he was shouting up at me then he flew up the stairs and pinned me up against the wall by this time I was used to Richards’ bullying ways so I jus looked him sternly in the eye not showing a slight emotion of being scared this upset and he bashed my back against the wall it hurt but I wasn’t going to show him it hurt I was not going to give him the pleasure of winning when he realised his ways did not bovver me he let go. But I was scared soon as I got in my room I shut the door and put the iron board there so I had locked myself in so no one could come and hurt me. I curled in a ball and cried wishing was a little girl who was new to the world and I was loved again. That’s where I got the idea of taking the door handles of the door cause then you could not get in my room at all unless you had the handles which I kept with me. Then when I just wanted to get away I would lock myself in cause then no one could get me and I was safe.
I started staying out more to get away from it all, cause as well as being upset and angry at Richard it hurt me more to know my mum agreed with him, the person that I am pose to take after, “ like the saying mother like daughter ”.she were just as bad she would pin me down on the floor and sit on me, I remember one time she head butted me I was getting her off me and I just about manage when she grabbed me on both shoulders and butted me, it hurt a lot but I went absolute mental . So I stayed at ambers or Kerri’s or bbees anyone’s I could just so I dint have to go back to a living nightmare. I spent most of my time at ambers house her family were so nice to me , I mean they had there arguments but never like out of control Lynne(ambers mum) would talk to me reassure me that her and Andy(ambers stepdad)would be here for and take me in if I ever wanted a place to live. This made me feel loved again. They were such a nice family; you never think that you would end up living almost at your best mate’s house. I even used to call ambers mum, mum cause it felt right and she did not mind, she was more of a mum than my real mum was. You grow up looking up to your mum cause she is the best she makes you your tea, buys you clothes and toys and you never expect to be disowned by your mum for nothing to be told that they hate you, that you were a mistake and she wishes you were no daughter of theirs.
Well that’s what I got told and people call her a responsible loving mum, what mum in the right mind would do that if they loved them and cared for them, so she does not deserve to be a mum. She ruined Siobhan’s life chucking her out at the age of nine, then ruined mine by giving me nothing but abuse until she drove me out and I could no longer take it. I started rebelling I decided getting into trouble, my grades went downhill. I was constantly skiving and being aggressive to the teachers when they would tell me off yelling that I hated adults. I was only saying this cause of what had gone on a home now I look back and see all they ever did was try and help but I threw it back in their faces. I started smoking in year 7 to calm me down but it didn’t work most of the time, cause I would flip out at the tiniest things, I would punch walls, smash bottles, hit other people. I hated who I was and couldn’t cope with it all so all the stuff I did was to numb the upset and pain what were happening at home. My other best mate bbee was a great help with my anger she knew when I was about to flip and how to calm me down. She listens to what was happening and comfort me and solve ways of sorting it out. Drinking was also a great killer of all my problems you felt invincible and like you was on top of the world. The night I got pissed and arrested was a cry for help I wanted for me to be taken away from them, that was why I gave my dad’s name that’s why I did not give them my address cause then they might of taken me to my dad’s. but no they lied to me told me I was going to my dad’s so of course cause of the state I was in, I believed them I was escaping from a nightmare was over the moon. but when I so us driving down Russell terrace I screamed said they could not take me back there, but they just put it down to me being under the influence of alcohol .I kicked and screamed but my mum got me in the house and close the door shut that was it I was back in hell. Luckily Richard was working late so I would not have to think about what was going to happen to me until later. I was put in a cold bath to sober me up, she was screaming at me saying why was I such a selfish cow why could I not be normal like everyone else but her words meant nothing to me they went in one ear and out the other I was pass caring, I knew what was going to happen to me in the morning when Richard got home. But what hurt me the most was my little sister walked in when my mum went downstairs crying and said to me “what happened to my sister Louise”, seen as I were there with the pupils of my eyes rolling back constantly, a massive gash on my left hip which had already soaked my grey trackies in blood so they now were almost covered in red all over and I could barely say a full sentence without slurring. So you could imagine how scared my little sister was, I was heartbroken ashamed of myself how could I of been so selfish to my little sister. She is my hero she helped me cope with the death of Harrison he was someone who cared for me gave me the love I wanted and listened to me when something else had been happening at home. he was the best boyfriend ever but unfortunately he passed away cause of a car accident he was involved in. but my sister was there for me, there every minute of the day telling me everything would be okay Harrison would be looking down on us and making sure I was safe. If it weren’t for my little sister I probably would not be hear the day Harrison got run over I said I would not be able to cope without him which was true . the third of march the news I was dreading came Harrison had gone I felt so upset I wanted to end my life it weren’t like my mum wanted me anyway and Richard clearly hated me as much as my mum the only person in the house that loved me was my sister she knew that I was upset and she turned round and said to me “ please do not do anything stupid Louise, I love you, and I’m here for you” ,so my little sister is my hero and I want what is best for her and from what I have been through I don’t believe she is safe with my mum or Richard . When I rang my dad it took a lot of courage I had been told over the years that he did not want me and cunt care less about me so it is pointless. For ages I believed that they were right, as far as I knew he weren’t trying to make contact until the night I got arrested when I got told that he were back at court trying to get contact . This made me think twice, so couple days later on Wednesday I decided to ring him it was early finish so I could talk to him first before he had to collect brad and Siobhan if he did. At break time I looked up his number with my best mate bbee but we only found my granddads so I rang him and asked for my dad’s. When I got it I waited till dinner to ring him. I was really hesitant though what if he did turn round and say he didn’t want me, I would feel even worse. But all my mates encourage me to, so I did I never felt so nervous in my life I was shaking and did not know what I was going to say to him. Anyway he answered the phone and I just spluttered out “it’s your daughter Louise please will you come and pick me up I want to live with you” he most of been as shocked as I was we were speaking for the first time in over 5 years. we arranged to meet up at half two outside my school which I had to tell what school it was cause he dint know what school I went to. When I came off the phone I was so over joyed but then I started crying I couldn’t believe it my dad did want me and he always had. I rang my mum and spoke calmly to her and told her what was happening but she just yelled at me so I put phone down. So it got to twenty past two and I was in form, I could see him he had changed a little but I still could tell that he was my dad. It was quiet funny really because he was just as nervous as me, every few seconds he was running round side of the van and trying to calm down. So half past 2 came about ten of my mates came with me they all wanted to meet my dad we all walked towards the van, amber and bbee holding on to me. We got to the van and I said hi and introduced all my mates to him then they all went. I and my dad felt awkward gut we decided we would go MacDonald’s and talk about everything. Ever since I have lived with my dad I feel like a whole new person, I have a family that love me , I have changed my behaviour and I am respected for who I am . Although I miss my mates but I still keep in contact with them and I have made new ones too. Ringing my dad was the best decision I ever made I am so happy and it feels like I have been living with them all my life. Jean my step mum is like a big sister I can talk to her about anything, we have our little arguments but we make up at the end of it. My life is so much better and I feel Becky will have a better life here cause she will be next and she been through enough already.