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Lliving the teenage dream

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Introduction

?Living the teenage dream? It has been said that the teenage years are full of problems, temptations and pressures amounting to ?nothing but trouble and misery?. Discuss some of the problems associated with adolescence and decide whether or not you agree with the above statement. In the modern world , the teenager years are ? the best of your life ? but they are also an incredibly difficult time .teenagers in the modern world go through a lot of stress but also a lot of good times . Many teenagers are faced with friendship issues. Many teenagers turn to their friends are of the same age and are dealing with similar issues ,but on the other hand your friends may give you false advice .many teenagers ...read more.

Middle

pressure on the average adolescent .secondary school can end up seeming like a relentless succession of homework and revision and this can lead to high levels of stress and anxiety for teens. Some parents put a lot of pressure on their children to do well in school and this can cause a lot of tension between parents and their children for many teenagers , education is simply a nightmare . Many children experiment with drugs and alcohol in their teenage years. most teenagers who take drugs or drink alcohol are pressured by their friend or are just inquisitive about the effects of these substances on the body. ...read more.

Conclusion

your parents do so much for you that you don?t apretate like so your washing and ironing they cook your meals they give you money and for some they give you freedom to do whatever you want .on the other hand some peoples parents are very strict but your parents are always their for you and they always will be In conclusion I believe that the teenage years have there good and there bad sides .some people love them and other despise them ,I do not agree that the teenager years are full of preoblems temptations and pressures some teenagers lides may contain this but not ever teenagers and I strongly disagree with the stero type that every teen is in a gang and wears a hoody ...read more.

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Response to the question

This answer is fairly limited in it's response to the question. A lot of what is said appears to be from a first person narrative (naturally, as the writer is a teenager), but the danger here is that relying to ...

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Response to the question

This answer is fairly limited in it's response to the question. A lot of what is said appears to be from a first person narrative (naturally, as the writer is a teenager), but the danger here is that relying to heavily on the experiences of your own life can limit the extent to which your comments reflect the rest of the target population (those with which your essay is concerned). In parts the answer is humorous, though perhaps not intentionally, and the candidate raises some valid points throughout, though there are issues with the expression, meaning that some of the impact of what they have to say is lost. The candidate should look to ensure their choice of language helps shapes exactly what they want to say - do not simply throw words together without thinking them through, as this will lead to a careless essay.

I like the use of other people's points of view and trying to understand some of the more debauched temptations (e.g. recreational drug-taking), as it shows there is good adherence to the command word in the question, "Discuss". The structure could do with a little work, as the candidate's ideas would be more powerful if constructed more orderly and coherently.

Level of analysis

The Level of Analysis isn't really marked here, but the Level of Discussion (AO1 and AO2) are.

The candidate provides a few good points about the stresses of teenage years, and the dangers of the good times and the life lessons in the bad times. This is a nicely insightful discussion but could do with clearer expression, because a lot of the impact of points like "Some parents put a lot of pressure on their children to do well in school and this can cause a lot of tension between parents and their children for many teenagers , education is simply a nightmare . (sic)" A simple re-read will tell you this is a good point made badly. A better understanding of the punctuation and vocabulary available and where to put it will help this point become more potent, as now, it reads as rushed and unprofessional, which can be avoided if the candidate only takes their time (I realise this is hard considering the exam is conducted under timed conditions, but this may be another area that required work).

I would also argue the need for a better conclusion. The introductory paragraph is very good and nicely introduces the topic at the same time as addressing the question, and whilst the question is addressed again in the last paragraph, the candidate introduces some new points such as the stereotypical image/fashion of a troublemaking teenager (wearing a hoodie). Conclusions shouldn't really see any new points brought up and should instead be a summary of the points made earlier in the essay, so watch out for this because some exam boards may not accept that you've written a proper conclusion if you introduce more points.

Quality of writing

The Quality of Written Communication (QWC) needs quite a bit of work. As well as the frequent spelling errors ("expernsice" instead of expensive; "lides" instead of lives, etc.) there are issues with sentence syntax that may lead to confusion in understanding what the candidate has said. The candidate should re-read and spell-check everything they have written here, as there are frequent errors that may see the candidate loose all possible QWC marks because, in a subject so heavily orientated around good use of English, the candidate should be able to spell without making silly errors like the ones above.


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Reviewed by sydneyhopcroft 11/07/2012

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