Yesterday you were playing with Barbies and riding your little pink bike with the training wheels still on. Then I turned around and you were going on dates, looking at colleges, wearing that goo on your face…(sheepishly and a little defensively) I got used to it. ☺
I sure could have used more time in there somewhere. Another decade or two.
Okay, so here we go…
Ummm…drugs are bad…don’t use them…they could rot your teeth…no, um, kill your brain cells…and stuff. You probably shouldn’t smoke either…yeah, I know I do, but you’re still too young, cigarettes really will rot your teeth. Plus, your mom really hates how they smell…so it’s better if you just don’t start.
(At this point he pulls out a crinkled up piece of paper and spends some time smoothing it out and fidgeting with it, checking it, etc.)
I, uh, wrote a list…☺…I didn’t want to forget anything…you know, while I have momentum going and stuff…
Okay, so here’s the big one…it’s uh…well, this one’s really important…boys are…uh…boys are great…but, they’re still boys you know? So you’ve got to be really careful. You’ve got to be smart honey. You’re so smart, and funny. And you’re really talented and you’re beautiful. I’m not just saying that because I’m your dad. You really are. Boys call the house all the time for you. They do! Hey, I didn’t say we answer it every time, that’s why we have caller ID. No, I’m just kidding honey…kind-of. Anyway…(looking down at his list again)…so, you just need to be on your toes. Don’t believe everything they tell you. And you should probably bring a friend with you on your dates. Bring several friends. The more the merrier…(chuckles, but it’s clear he means it).
(He glances at his list one more time)
So that about covers all the big stuff. But there’s one more thing I really need to say to you. I guess I want to apologize. I’m so sorry sweetie. I’m not proud of the way I left things the last time we sat down to talk. I know you had some really important things to say and I just wasn’t listening. Your mom and I love you so much and it’s hard…(choking up a little)…We just don’t agree with some of the choices you’ve made. I know, I know, it’s your lofe and you need to make mistakes to learn…but no matter what, It’s our job to keep you safe and do our best to teach you and… (realizes he’s getting a little lost in the past conversation and proving his point) but that’s not the point right now. There’s no excuse for my behavior. I promised myself that I would never give up on my kids, and when I walked out of that room…I know I said “I give up”…and I shouldn’t have left things like that…
I thought I would have more time to fix this…time to make you understand, to get things back to…(he’s crying now)I never gave up on you honey, no matter what I said…I never gave up…I hope you hear me saying that, I wish it wouldn’t have taken so long…
(A long pause as he tries to pull himself together)
(He stands up and gets a bouquet of flowers out from behind the chair he was sitting on)…I need to get going…but I just wanted to let you know that I love you…(he places the flowers on the ground in front of him)…I’m so sorry we didn’t talk sooner…I really thought we had more time…
…(arranges the flowers just the way he wants them)…I brought you sunflowers, I couldn’t find any tulips this time, but I’ll keep looking…I miss you so much, we all do. (he stands up to go and pantomimes brushing off the head stone)…I gotta go,
I love you…I’ll see you next week sweetie…
(He turns to go, looks back at the flowers, on the ground, and walks away slowly. Lights out.)
