“Life wasn’t so bad at the beginning, the assemblies, the fire and the hunting, Ralph was a good leader and he had organised everything with the help of Piggy. The conch represented authority and a symbol of respect. I knew that Piggy was probably the one who had thought of it, he was very wise and knowledgeable, he understood our situation, “Nobody knows where we are”, but no one cared, or valued his input, he was just the fat boy, just Piggy. I think that if he hadn’t been fat, Piggy he would have been able to persuade the boys to build shelters, keep the fire burning and not to hunt all the time. When the litlun who claimed to have seen the “beastie” informed the rest of us about it I began to think about what would happen if there was a beast or whether it was all an imagination.
“We made a fire on the mountaintop so that we could be rescued, but once again we realised how incapable we were on our own. “Smoke was rising here and there among the creepers”, we had destroyed the beautiful island and all the excitement that we first had had vanished. We now knew that we would have to be more careful and think about the consequences of all our actions. The littlun who had the mark on his face…had disappeared and I knew now that there was very little hope of every single boy on the island surviving. The relationship between Jack and Ralph started to break up and both boys became very different, Ralph became obsessed with keeping the fire burning whilst Jack was obsessed with hunting and getting meat. I needed to get away from the other boys. I wanted to be on my own so that I could think. The island did have a place, which was very quiet, and relaxing, and I knew that the other boys didn’t think much of me and this was a place where I could come and be myself.
“I think that if I was more confident, able to speak in front of a crowd, I would have been able to prevent things from going bad. I would have explained how the beast was just the fear that we had of ourselves. I felt that I was able to talk to Ralph and I knew that he was strong and would be able to survive, I told him, “You’ll get back all right”. I knew that Ralph was probably the only boy on the island who could understand me as well as Piggy, but I would have rather talked to Ralph than to Piggy. I wanted to go and help Piggy look after the littluns while the other boys went to look for the beast because I knew that Ralph should go with Jack and none of the other boys would be any use at looking out for them. All the other boys didn’t have any respect and I wanted to get away from them so I could be alone again. I didn’t wait for Ralph to reply because I new that no one would mind me going.
“When Jack wanted to leave and form his own tribe on the other side of the island I realised that the fear would grow even more. I wasn’t completely satisfied that the other boys had seen a beast and wanted to go back and check now that it was daylight, but piggy didn’t seem to see the use, “What’s the good in climbing up”, which surprised me because he didn’t believe in the beast at first like myself and I thought he would have wanted to double check.
“When I had my encounter with the “Lord of the Flies”, I felt as though I was going to have one of my fits, I didn’t know what to do, I was all alone and my head was simply spinning round and round. I knew that all the other boys on the island though I was “batty”, even Piggy and Ralph. I discovered that there was nothing that Ralph or I could do to stop Jack and his “tribe” from having fun and not helping with the fire so we could get rescued. I became more aware that Jack, Roger, Maurice, Robert and Bill were able to do almost anything they wanted and that none of us were strong enough to do anything about it.
“As I approached what seemed to be a feast I could hear the boys chanting, “Kill the beast! Cut his throat! Spill his blood! I stumbled into the circle of boys shouting out to them that there was a body on the hill. Suddenly they started chasing me and I ran, I had told them that there wasn’t a beast…I did or…well I’m sure that they would see the body later and realise wouldn’t they?”
