Low Tide

The sky is grey; it is a cold November day.  I look out at the sea; it also is grey.  Bold, breakers, batter, the sandstone cliffs.  The normally fearless, swooping, seagulls, have taken sanctuary high in their nests.  Not me though.  I’m here just as I always was, waiting, looking out over miles, and miles, of churning grey water.  I sit and I think, wondering when you might come back, wondering if you thought of us.  

I’m getting wet now.  Cold, fine, drizzle is falling, soaking me to the skin.  Do you remember that type?  The sort you only get near the sea.  What is it they call it?  Oh yes, I remember a sea fret.  We bought those nice red jackets, so it wouldn’t get us wet on days like these, do you remember?  The children miss you. Anna is always asking.  Ben tries not to think.

Do you remember when we first came here before we had the children?  Just you and me; we were so in love.  No money, no job, just a battered mini, a desire to succeed, and each other: we were invincible.  We were alive, buzzing with the anticipation of our future.  We set up the business; the bank thought your ideas were sound, so did I then.  Within five years we had it all: lovely house, new car, holiday abroad every year; not that we needed to leave this place, it was beautiful.  Then I got pregnant; do you remember?  You were like a dog with two tails; I had to bribe you not to tell everybody until I had gone past three months.  I loved you more then, than ever before, we were going to be a family: complete.  When Anna was born you were so proud, in fact you were fantastic.  Then, two years later, along came Ben a son; our lives were blessed.

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Our love for each other seemed to grow with each passing anniversary.  You grew more attentive; I became more and more dependant; that confuses me now.  I had always been very independent; people referred to me as strong in personality and integrity.  I find it hard when I look back to believe I became so reliant on you; so weak, so incomplete without you.  You were my everything.  You, however, became the opposite; you grew stronger and more independent.  Once you would have asked for my advice over business matters, not any more.

I thought I knew you ...

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