Halloween was special for a number of reasons. Firstly, it was only the one I shared with Stacey. I also received a record amount of sweets, money and fruit. I could not believe my luck. I think it was down to Stacey’s charm (even if she was Cruella Devil) or my not so genius, John Higgins impersonation. That night just proved to be special. Stacey and I shared jokes, threw away monkey nuts and knocked on over 100 doors. After it was decided we should go home, we started our chocolate. Fireworks were being lit in my estate and were somewhat spectacular. I distinctively remember hugging Stacey and being ecstatic. It seemed as though life was perfect. The fireworks stopped.
Stacey suffered from really bad asthma. I know many people suffer from asthma and the severity is wide-ranging. I also know it’s very rare for someone to die from an attack. Medicines are readily available and in the 21st century, I wouldn’t expect death as a consequence of asthma. Stacey’s asthma prevented us from playing as much football as we would have liked. I never for one minute thought Stacey could ever suffer a fatal attack. I don’t think many people think of the consequences of the illness until the reality is riveted home through a tragedy.
The night before Stacey died, we both sat in her house discussing things as usual. I never once imagined that it would be the last time I would ever see her. Stacey and I had a laugh and annoyed her parents through our childish antics. I remember that we took a compatibility test that night and it showed us to be 93% compatible. It became clear that night that we would be best friends forever. I had such a feeling of happiness inside of me and I was really beginning to appreciate the great qualities that life has to offer. When I left that night, the last thing I said to Stacey was,
“ I know it would have been 100% had it not been for the Celtic issue but hey everyone isn’t perfect honey, enjoy the game tomorrow,” to which Stacey replied,
“Yeah don’t worry I will and I’m sure you will enjoy watching Celtic stride to victory and have me rubbing it in for days, though I’ll catch you later Hollz.”
If only I had known, I would have spoken a thousand words, and never let go of Stacey, holding her so that I knew she would be safe. I would have taken a thousand pictures while instead I lost a best friend suddenly. I took little comfort from Celtics easy victory.
Losing your best friend at any age I’m sure is a horrific experience, but even more so when you are twelve. I was on the verge of my thirteenth birthday, a day where I would be leading St Mirren out of the tunnel as match mascot. I had been looking forward to it for months. It had been deeply discussed between Stacey and me, and I wanted her to be able to share that day with me. It would have made it even more special. It wasn’t the best time to lose someone so close to you. I was just trying to understand the teenage mind but Staceys’ death left me feeling confused and angry. I had feelings of guilt and sorrow, inching myself away from everybody else who cared about me.
I had already lost a best friend when I was eight, called Lindsay. Lindsay’s’ death has been traumatic as well intensified by the fact that she had died right infront of me. When Stacey had the asthma attack, I thought my luck would never change. It was a lot to deal with at this age and my feelings turned to hatred against those who had happy lives and those who had been unable to save Stacey. I was also scared that I would forget Stacey, and made a pact that I would do anything possible to prevent this.
