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My most unforgettable Trip occurred about 3 years ago during the summer vacation, when I and my sister were embarking on our journey to Spain due to relocation.

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Introduction

My Unforgettable Trip My most unforgettable Trip occurred about 3 years ago during the summer vacation, when I and my sister were embarking on our journey to Spain due to relocation. The day of the trip I laid in bed thinking about the friends of mine whom I was going to leave behind. Thoughts kept coming in. A night before we planned the journey from a city in Nigeria to the capital to catch the plane the next day. We didn't book to take a van. So thought of waking earlier to get to the station were they hire cars and taxis for travelling because we could drive down due to the far distance. So the day came when we had to travel and got to the station as planned. When we arrived at the hire station we seemed to have some problems with our luggage because they were too much for a car our taxi so we had to book for a van to be able to take our luggage. ...read more.

Middle

Before leaving we had to pray, and I felt very bad because I was going to a different country and was going to miss all my friends and family. I was not comfortable and I cried and wished I never moved. I then got used to the fact that I could come and visit them often and call them. So we took some pictures and we where very happy. The journey was almost perfect but they rain started and it was extremely heavy the drivers driving couldn't see as far due to the rain and that caused a huge traffic jam. I was sitting close to the window with my can of coke and eating my lunch which I had purchased earlier on from the shop. My aunty and my sister fell asleep. During that time I was bored and thinking about other things that were bothering me. ...read more.

Conclusion

Everything was very strange; I had never had that kind of experience before. It was like watching a horror movie. Some people who also participated in the accident started crying, looking for their children, tears beginning to increase, and my leg was deeply injured, my aunty was seeking some help, and my sister was full of injury. It almost seemed that the strategy was never going to end. It felt that I was dreaming and was confused. I was losing a lot of blood and then the emergency aid came and took me and some other people to the hospital where we where treated. We had to pay for some fees but someone came to our aid and did the payments. That was miraculous because we didn't have any money on our hands. We finally got to where we where headed to. And rested but didn't miss our flight. We were happy that we made it through because someone could have lost their life. ?? ?? ?? ?? My Unforgettable Trip Wendy ...read more.

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Here's what a teacher thought of this essay


This is an exciting and powerful story.
There are many errors eg where/were and their/there and the occasional use of the wrong word.
However the writer does include figurative language such as a simile and onomatopoeia in order to tell the story effectively.
Many errors are consistent with those made by writers when English is not their first language.
** 2 stars.

Marked by teacher Katie Dixon 10/05/2013

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