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My time of hell.

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My time of hell I got home from school and walked to my room. Little did I know that this was how my time of hell would start and on this very day. I put my bag next to my bed and put my keys on the window sill. I was feeling quite happy because it was my birthday next week but that was all about to change. I turned on the television and remember watching "the weakest link". I lay there shouting out the answers, just like any other day. Then I heard the door slam and my dad enter. This was very odd because he was never here this early. Something was not right. Nevertheless, I carried on watching the television and did not get up. A few minutes passed and then my dad walked in. I immediately knew something was amiss. He sat down next to me and watched TV. This was unusual because he had never watched TV in my room before because he had the widescreen downstairs. I knew there was something he needed to tell me but did not know how to because he could not concentrate on the TV. He kept twitching and looking around. This thought made me worried because it made me think I was in trouble. Ideas began to race through my mind about what he wanted to tell me but then ideas were pushed aside when he turned to me and said, "Your mother and I are getting a divorce!" ...read more.


I walked over to my old saxophone case where I kept alcohol that I had stolen from my parents. I took out a bottle of gin and downed it all. I then took my knife, which I had got for camping, from under my bed. I let a tear run down my face just as the ideas and feelings of depression ran through my mind. I took my first and deepest cut near the wrist. I relaxed, turned over and fell asleep. I had missed the vein. Through the next two weeks my depression grew as well as my anger about the life I led and the existence of the people of this earth. I questioned the point of things more and always asked "why?" and "what is the point?" I sat in my bathroom two weeks later and suicidal. I had my knife, alcohol, pen, paper and ibuprofen pills. This existence was pointless. I was not happy. I had no girlfriend, my parents were getting a divorce, I had got suspended and my friends were depressed and lots of problems. "What's the point of this awful life?" I repeatedly asked myself, "this existence we lead is so short and worth less. Everyone's a judge, judging u before they even know you. There are so many rules that are pointless because life's so short. Why restrict ourselves when we have so little time? ...read more.


All was gone. I woke up after having passed out in the bathroom. I got up and the carpet was stained with a small blood stain and the heavy smell of vodka. I got up and looked at my wrist. I had missed the vein that was vital and only hit a minor one. However this did not sadden me as much as I would have expected because there was a slight sigh of relief, however not for the fact that I was alive but for the fact that my family would have been so hurt. I could not bear knowing that I would have made my family feel really bad. This made me feel bad and where I had once felt depression for myself, I now felt it for others. Whilst I was thinking of their feelings I suddenly realised how my mum would feel if she found out about this whole situation. I cleaned up the mess and went to bed. It was very early morning and mum was not up yet. She would never know about this which made me happy. Now I sit, three years on, in my room, no longer depressed. I have got rid of the feelings of depression thanks to my friends and family. I just moved on but there is still a dark part of me inside. I look at the note that I had written in the bathroom, that awful day. I throw it away and look at my wrist and the taunting marks of that horrific past I could and would not forget. ...read more.

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