Not an Egselent day for eggs!
Appalling revelations of animal battery farming.
Last night at approximately 3am, the police alongside animal welfare organisations raided ‘Egg-sellent Eggs Limited’ in the east of Sussex after a four month investigation of the cruelty and welfare of animals.
Nicholas Thrushball, aged 44, founder and director of the company was arrested under the ‘animal welfare act 2006’ in which it cogently enforces that animals should live in a suitable and humane environment. Owner of this nationally known company was allegedly beating, hitting and mistreating the chickens in his welfare as well as storing them in shocking, suffocating conditions.
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Peer Reviews
Here's what a star student thought of this essay
Quality of writing
The Quality of Written Communication is very good. There are no major discrepancies such as malapropisms, incorrect spellings or inaccurate uses of grammar, though some examiners may not think using exclamation marks so frequently is entirely reflective of what a professional journalist might write, but again, this is only a minor issue that is easily addressed.
Level of analysis
The Level of Analysis shown here is very good. The candidate utilises a number of rhetorical devices such as alliteration, triples, voice of the expert, statistics, and personal anecdote from those involved in the battery farm investigation. The piece reads very well, and is structured chronologically. The use of statistics help solidify the argument, and the creation of fictional professionals to voice their own opinions on the topic also contribute to the credibility of the writing. All in all a very well-written information piece.
Response to question
The candidate responds well to the task set, a Writing to Inform task. The candidate has written a newspaper article about the mistreatment of battery farm hens. The article is nicely structured and flows well, with plenty of devices used by real journalists that help create a solid argument and conveyance of information about the topic. The candidate has shown excellent knowledge of how to structure an effective article that captures the readers' attention and sustains it throughout plenty of rhetorical devices.