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Not an Egselent day for eggs. Appalling revelations of animal battery farming.

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Introduction

Not an Egselent day for eggs! Appalling revelations of animal battery farming. Last night at approximately 3am, the police alongside animal welfare organisations raided 'Egg-sellent Eggs Limited' in the east of Sussex after a four month investigation of the cruelty and welfare of animals. Nicholas Thrushball, aged 44, founder and director of the company was arrested under the 'animal welfare act 2006' in which it cogently enforces that animals should live in a suitable and humane environment. Owner of this nationally known company was allegedly beating, hitting and mistreating the chickens in his welfare as well as storing them in shocking, suffocating conditions. ...read more.

Middle

A hen living in the wild is expected to lay 20 in a year and 240 in their life time of an approximate 12 years. Miss S. Ellis, Director of the 'Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals' stated after the raid "Its horrific think that the most reputable egg company in the Midlands treats its hens in a way that literally make me feel sick!" Miss Ellis later told the Guardian that Mr Thrushball made an annual turnover of �70,000 in 2009 as a result of storing 30 hens in 1 square metre of their premises compared to the recommended 10! ...read more.

Conclusion

Single mum of two said "I have been eating 'Egg-sellent Eggs' eggs since a very young age and I feel really disappointed and cheated on after knowing the conditions the hens had been living in. I shall not be buying my eggs from this company and shall be looking into buying free range and organic produce where I know the animal has suffered little pain." Organic produce and free range eggs are becoming increasingly popular in England and without a doubt, the world. Organic produce from animals as well as plants are ones of which no pesticides, antibiotics or hormones have been added to it. Free range eggs enable the hens and birds to roam around within the premises unlike the thronged factory farmed premises. ...read more.

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Here's what a star student thought of this essay

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Response to the question

The candidate responds well to the task set, a Writing to Inform task. The candidate has written a newspaper article about the mistreatment of battery farm hens. The article is nicely structured and flows well, with plenty of devices used ...

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Response to the question

The candidate responds well to the task set, a Writing to Inform task. The candidate has written a newspaper article about the mistreatment of battery farm hens. The article is nicely structured and flows well, with plenty of devices used by real journalists that help create a solid argument and conveyance of information about the topic. The candidate has shown excellent knowledge of how to structure an effective article that captures the readers' attention and sustains it throughout plenty of rhetorical devices.

Level of analysis

The Level of Analysis shown here is very good. The candidate utilises a number of rhetorical devices such as alliteration, triples, voice of the expert, statistics, and personal anecdote from those involved in the battery farm investigation. The piece reads very well, and is structured chronologically. The use of statistics help solidify the argument, and the creation of fictional professionals to voice their own opinions on the topic also contribute to the credibility of the writing. All in all a very well-written information piece.

Quality of writing

The Quality of Written Communication is very good. There are no major discrepancies such as malapropisms, incorrect spellings or inaccurate uses of grammar, though some examiners may not think using exclamation marks so frequently is entirely reflective of what a professional journalist might write, but again, this is only a minor issue that is easily addressed.


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Reviewed by sydneyhopcroft 27/06/2012

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