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Personal Success, Seizures, Depression and Suicide

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Personal Success, Seizures, Depression and Suicide Before the age of 15, I was as healthy as anyone could wish to be. In my sophomore year of high school, though, my seizures began. Nobody knew what they were at first; they looked as if I was passing out. These "episodes" as my mom and I were calling them, were finally defined as seizures when a nurse at the hospital saw that during one of my "episodes" I would clench my jaw shut and my muscles would tighten and shake. Doctors put me on three different medications over the next few years. The first , Dilanton, did nothing for me. The second, Tegratoal, was killing my white blood cells which made me extremely sick. The third , Depekot, worked, but with it came some nasty side affects, and I was still having seizures two to three times a week. ...read more.


I felt other no emotion except sadness. I felt as if I were walking in a different dimension. I could see and hear people, but nothing anyone said made any difference to me. Nothing seemed to matter anymore. The world no longer had any color in it; it was all black and white; this is what I saw. I thought about how much better life would be for everyone if I were gone. One afternoon while my mom was at work I swallowed a bottle of Advil and a bottle of anti-bacterial hand soap. I got really sick, but didn't tell my mom why. A couple of days later I had an argument with my mom - about what, I'm not sure. I went upstairs to my room, put on the movie Twister and sat on the edge of my bed staring at the TV, not watching the movie, just glaring at it. ...read more.


But when I finally started talking to her, it felt great. She shared with me experiences she had as a child, and I came to find that we had much in common. I felt as if my world was being born again, as if this heaviness I was carrying around with me was disappearing from my body. My mom and I are now the best of friends; we tell each other everything. Sometimes she may not want to know, but I tell her anyhow. I realize now that there is much I want to do with my life. I want to go to graduate school, get my Ph.D in psychology, go to law school and medical school and join the FBI. Will I accomplish all that? Who knows, but I'll be damned if I'm going to let anything get in the way of my trying! ...read more.

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