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Pressures on Teenagers.

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Introduction

Teenagers For teens monthly I am a teenager and I know what people think of teenagers, louts who don't care for society and who will do anything to impress their mates; people also think they have no respect for their elders. This is the stereotyped view of teenagers in general; well I think that I can defy this view and prove that adults are just as bad. Let's start with a very important topic which teenagers are blamed for. Drugs, now drugs are probably offered to about three fifths of teenagers some time in there 10 years as a teen and definitely all teenagers could get hold of drugs easily enough, but how many teens actually take drugs regularly? I'd say about 1/10 probably. So this shows you that out of 100 probably 10 teens take drugs regularly. This is quite worrying, but all the same it isn't as many as it's projected to be by newspapers and parents and adults in general. ...read more.

Middle

You're asking me now "what strain are teens put under it is the time of your life when you should be at your most free and you have no responsibilities in your life?" Well that is an utter myth that is put forward by adults who have no idea what they are talking about. Up to the age of 16 you have no national exams that really mean anything and you don't really have to do much work up until your 2 year GCSE course, but when do most teens start smoking well I'll tell you this it's during that GCSE course. Unless you are immensely immune to pressure you are going to just crack and give up some days. Take tonight for instance I have a 700 word essay to do for English and a 600 word essay for history both are coursework's so I have to hand them in tomorrow so in total I have to write 1,300 words tonight, now I think that if an adult got ...read more.

Conclusion

used to be, however I think that verbal bullying is getting more common which is a terrible thing since the victim has usually never done anything to the bully and verbal bullying can mentally scar people for life. However if you look at the adults of today you still get bullying even among the highest ranking people in the world, for instance George Bush the American president one of the most important men on earth bullied Saddam Hussein out of Iraq with no reason at all it seems. Bullying goes on during every day life for adults in the office that most people work in there is a bully or some one who orders everyone around at least. The difference is that it's not noticeable bullying it's just subtle. Now what I'm saying is that Adults are no better than teens and that they have a stereotyped view of us but mostly we look up to them, the question I ask you is should teens change their view of adults? ...read more.

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Response to the question

The candidate has emulated an article form response and the content is clearly set out. “Drugs”, “smoking” and “bullying” are dealt with separately in each paragraph which makes the article far easier to navigate. However, in terms of exploring the ...

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Response to the question

The candidate has emulated an article form response and the content is clearly set out. “Drugs”, “smoking” and “bullying” are dealt with separately in each paragraph which makes the article far easier to navigate. However, in terms of exploring the issue of teenage pressures, the article turns into something of an infantile attack on adulthood, as displayed in the concluding comment “should teens change their view of adults”. Perhaps, given the teenage audience, it would have been prudent to focus upon giving advice to the potential teenage sufferer and suggesting remedies to the above issues.

Level of analysis

A few notable statements detract from the successfulness of the response. Claims such as “definitely all teens have been offered cigarettes” and “bullying is going to happen at every school” are quite outrageous and would likely alienate many teenage readers. These are reflective of an overly colloquial tone, also shown by excessive hedging as in the heavily repeated “probably” and in particular, the oxymoronic phrase “I think that probably exactly the same…” This response could benefit from adopting a more assured and confident tone – magazine articles must represent their views confidently or the reader will never take them seriously. In addition to this, the candidate does little to dispel the “utter myth… put forward by adults” with expressions such as “the same amount of people would take drugs as they do now”. The reader expects an article such as this to better defend the teenage image instead of adopting a ‘well you would do the same in our situation’ argument.

Quality of writing

The quality of writing is not so lacking as to impede meaning but it is certainly detrimental to its fluency. Inconsistencies relating to figures and numbers are exhibited throughout, as in the comparison between “1/10” and “three fifths”. Generally speaking, the latter should be used with the exception of large numbers; writing say, four digit numbers in figures is impractical. Unfortunately, certain words are repeated throughout, such as “drugs” in paragraph two. This may be rectified via use of a thesaurus. Furthermore, expressions such as “what I am really saying” are common features of speech and so should not be used in what is designed to be a professional, written text. Instead, these fillers can be simply removed – “should we have all these exams at our age anyway” is far more effective without the preamble.


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