'Revenge is Sweet'.

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Shonagh Sykes 10 Leo        Page

03/12/03

English Coursework- Personal Writing

‘Revenge is Sweet’

It was a year I had been with Alice.  We did everything together.  I cared for that girl like no one could imagine.  I would of done anything for her.  There wasn’t a time, I would not think about her when we weren’t together.  Everyone knew us for being the happiest couple in our town, Little Wood.  I thought we would be together until we grew old…I was wrong.

I finished work last Thursday earlier than usual; I thought it would be nice to surprise Alice with an exquisite meal.  Just as I started to prepare the beginning of the meal I heard Alice coming up the stairs to our flat.  I ran to the door as quick as I could.

“Hi Alice, Sorry but is it possible if you just went out for an hour or so and then come back?” I asked

“Ben, I’ve just had a long stressful day at work, and I would love to just crash on the sofa, why what you up to?” Alice replied

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“Well that would be telling,” I said.  I gave Alice these soppy eyes that would of then hopefully made her agree to come back later.

“ Ben.  I don’t have a clue what you are up to, but when I come back it better have been worth the wait.  I’m so tired!” she said

“ Oh that’s great.  Thanks babe, come back at 8”, I replied.  The eyes obviously worked then I thought to myself.  As I peered through the window to make sure she had actually gone, she was calling some one on her mobile.  I couldn’t hear exactly ...

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This creative writing needed to be planned in more detail. There is no clear ending to the piece and it just fizzles out. The first half is stronger but it all needs a greater focus on description and the inclusion of more figurative language rather than such a large focus on dialogue. 3 Stars