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Saving Private Ryan Boat scene creative writing

Extracts from this document...

Introduction

It was foggy and misty night, me and the other soldiers from the military were on the boat getting our way to the beach, it is very cold and the snow bits are flying as air moves and hits our faces and as it melts on our faces, we get shake more and more. As I can see soldiers reacting in different ways because we aren't really prepared for this war, and I can see all soldiers on the boat are shivering and vomiting nasty food on the floor which smelt like a decayed animal, it really caused us disgust; revulsion has been drawn on everyone's face. From other side people are getting sick and getting in worse and worse case and the other religious ones are crossing their hearts, panicking and kissing their crucifixes, Terror was spreading through their minds. I can see them shaking as their dirty hands open a flask and having a drink, their shaky hand showed how terrifying they are, and for sure they must know that they are going to their death, I really feel sympathy for them but it's too late to turn back. ...read more.

Middle

As I looked at someone on the boat can see the braveness coming out from his eyes, I said "doesn't this guy know that he is going to his death ?" but I feel sorry for him as he might get killed, he is unaware of what is coming upon him, he has a calm look at his face as he is putting a brave front on for the sake of the other soldiers he is in charge of, the other soldiers look at him as if they need assurance as he is in the position of authority. Suddenly as we approach the beach we hear a sound near surroundings, and a look of determination comes across everyone on the boot's face as they are crossing their hearts more and more as terror is spreading in between every one's mind. As the boat door opens and immediately the German machine guns start firing very fast, straight away, we are put in the position of the enemy. ...read more.

Conclusion

Guns being fired nearby, then I am looking at our group leader who just looks around as if he can't believe what's happening , the sound goes into slow motion , then he picks up his helmet which is full of red water and he puts it on and water is running down his face and I can see the sight tint of redness that the water has now given to his face, he then snaps into action and starts shouting commands to soldiers, I was pleading to god to save our spirits and keep us safe in his clemency because enemies were so violent and angry and this can be shown by their fierce gunshots. I felt as weak as I can see all my friends are lying on the floor and their blood is swimming from their bodies. I really feel ambiguous as all of them are getting killed in front of my eyes feel that god is taking their spirits and sending it to heaven ,the majority of the remaining men run up the beach and try to survive and shouting in agony ...read more.

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Here's what a teacher thought of this essay

3 star(s)

The graphic descriptions in this essay successfully draw us into the horror of an utterly appalling scenario. The present tense is the correct choice here to further deepen the immediacy of the reader's experience. The impact is reduced by many inappropriate slips into the past tense and by long rambling sentences linked together by "as" and "so", taking up whole paragraphs. However, the effectiveness of a scene so graphically portrayed largely redeems these structural errors.

3 stars

Marked by teacher Jeff Taylor 19/04/2013

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