Saving Private Ryan Boat scene creative writing

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It was foggy and misty night, me and the other soldiers from the military were on the boat getting our way to the beach, it is very cold and the snow bits are flying as air moves and hits our faces and as it melts on our faces, we get shake more and more.

 As I can see soldiers reacting in different ways because we aren’t really prepared for this war, and I can see all soldiers on the boat are shivering and vomiting nasty food on the floor which smelt like a decayed animal, it really caused us disgust; revulsion has been drawn on everyone’s face. From other side people are getting sick and getting in worse and worse case and the other religious ones are crossing their hearts, panicking and kissing their crucifixes, Terror was spreading through their minds. I can see them shaking as their dirty hands open a flask and having a drink, their shaky hand showed how terrifying they are, and for sure they must know that they are going to their death, I really feel sympathy for them but it’s too late to turn back.

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As we are in the middle of the sea and all we can see is the dim gloomy sky as it is full of thick clouds as thick as tar, we can’t actually see what is in front of us as the mist is spreading in the place, the time is passing very slowly as we’re all waiting for our fate which seems to be indefinite like we’re waiting for the exam results which make us feel frustrated. Most of us are religious which made everyone be patient, believe in destiny and stand up like a brave man.

There’s instant ...

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The graphic descriptions in this essay successfully draw us into the horror of an utterly appalling scenario. The present tense is the correct choice here to further deepen the immediacy of the reader's experience. The impact is reduced by many inappropriate slips into the past tense and by long rambling sentences linked together by "as" and "so", taking up whole paragraphs. However, the effectiveness of a scene so graphically portrayed largely redeems these structural errors. 3 stars