Later on the inspector told us that I was also responsible for her death. I was horrified and I tried to think back to try and remember a time where this could have happened. He then glanced hard at me and asked me about me going to the manager and telling him to sack a girl. I told him what happened I felt so miserable and distressed at this point but just felt like giving myself in. I told him what happened about me loosing my temper with her and how she lost her job I almost broke down.
I then said trying to be honest that I lost my temper at Milwards when I went out to try a new outfit that I had thought of having for ages. Even though mother and the assistant were against it I still went to try it out and found out that it did not suit me at all. I had to accept that they were right and had a little bit of a bad temper. I then caught my eye on a girl who worked there and then saw her smile at the assistant as if she was trying to say that it looked stupid on me and then she had it up against herself as she was wearing it, she looked really good in it. It was just the dress for her. I wanted to release the jealousy that was building up inside me at the time so I went to the manager and said that if you don’t get rid of her then I will never set foot in here again and I will persuade my mother to close down our account.
It was one of the biggest mistakes in my life it led to a girl’s death and should never have supposed to happen. I still feel so bad about it, a day doesn’t go bye with out thinking of it. It was a horrible thing to do and I cannot help but feel the shadow of remorse creeping over me, even to this very day, decades after.
After saying everything that I did the whole incident just flashed before me and I then realised how bad it was, not only that but I also realised that I would never be able to go Milwards again because they just look at me in that way after that event, I realised that my life was to be changed but little did I know hat there was more to it then just that.
I remember saying to myself that I will never do any thing like this again so I then asked if I was really responsible for the girl’s death. To my shock when he answered that question he said that Gerald was also apart of it all.
He tried to pretend that he didn’t know her but as soon as the inspector said she changed her name to Daisy Renton he looked in that kind of way that made him look responsible, if you know what I mean. I felt it really annoying how he was trying to hide the truth from the inspector it was obvious that he already knew so much. I knew all I needed to know, with in minutes stopped the engagement. I can’t believe he had an affair behind my back; he actually fell in love with this girl, Eva. I also did learn a good side to him though, he was honest especially when I asked him if he loved her at anytime and realised all of it weren’t really done intentionally because he tried to help the girl well, in a way. I still don’t feel inside my heart that it was right I mean sure he was helping the girl but a young unmarried girl; giving her love, affection, etc while being with me! I find it strange how even though I would probably want Gerald to stop the relation with her I wouldn’t want it like that; her dying as a result.
It was pretty bad how it ended up because before mum was saying how bad the man who treated this girl was.
Then I realised my own mum saw her just two weeks ago and she was also responsible for her death and could have helped her. The thing that bothered me was that she didn’t even really even care that much; she was that kind of cold hearted person. Anyway it turned out while working at the committee that she was prejudiced against her case and did not help her. Mum hardly cared, I was quite shaken and upset and that was before I heard that she was pregnant; and that’s not all mum knew it! Mum also shared her views with other people in the committee so that there was no one there to help the poor girl. I still can’t forget the words: go look for the farther of the child it is his responsibility. It was so terrible I was trying to get over something and then another thing started! I would never look at my mum the same way as I used to; I knew that she was cold hearted but not to that extent. There was more to it though, she said that she weren’t responsible and said that the girl told us that the father was the one mainly in charge and that she would not marry him because he was a young, silly, wild and drank too much. For a moment I was a little bit more relieved knowing that it wasn’t all her fault as I previously did. Daisy was also surprisingly enough to me getting money from her but not excepting it because it was stolen! I was quite contented; she would rather live penniless then have stolen money. Mum then said that the father was a drunken, young idler that’s all the more reason why she could not escape and rounded it off by saying if the death is anyone’s fault it is his. I felt that everything was going wrong for the whole family and then thought of Eric and later realised that he was the one, he was in charge; it just suddenly sprung into my mind. I was so distressed and then tried to tell mum what I had just realised. It was so awful trying to tell mum who it was especially after all the stuff she had been saying, she found it really hard to believe but then accepted it.
Later on Eric came in all pale and distressed, he understood what we all found out about him and we all just looked at him with our inquiring stares. It was quite a sad moment we were angry with him, shocked and in a way I felt a little bit sorry for him. The inspector started to ask Eric some questions. After mum heard what Eric had to say she acknowledged the fact that all of it was true. She was about to break down so I had to take her out of the room. But later she just came back in curious to know what was going on. Apparently we were told by dad that Eric had admitted he was responsible and had stolen money from the office, fifty pounds! He said that he was meant to pay it back but I was not sure whether to believe him or not.
A lot more dreadful things would happen later, it turned out that there was a big argument between mum and Eric I was feeling scared and wanted it to stop Eric was blaming everything on mum. He was saying the most horrid things like mum killed her and mum killed her own grand child; Eric’s son. The whole thing just came to an end with the words of the inspector: ‘stop’ he said in such a compelling way that everybody did.
Finally it came to an end he said he has found everything he needed to know and said that each and everyone of you were in charge of helping the girl die and not only that but he told us never to forget it and rounded it of by saying that my mum had the power to stop this from happening and she didn’t. I think it was a kind of way to say that she was responsible mostly. To make us never forget this he tells each of us how badly we treated the girl it was really distressing. He then spoke out his final words which were very strong, powerful and deep and said there are many people still out there just like Eva Smith. He then walked out and slammed the door and that was it he had gone. I was still quietly crying thinking over and over again why did this happen?
Then Eric and dad just started of worrying about the money stolen and it looked like they tried to pretend that nothing happened. No one learned anything from their mistakes.
I then started to think of the actual inspector; was he who we though he was? I didn’t really think it mattered but I was just interested to find out. My dad said though that was really important to see if he was but I disagreed. I felt he was just not trying to face the facts. At the end of the day it doesn’t matter if he was a police inspector or not the point is that he made us confess what we did wrong. Then we all started to talk about the police inspector; how strange he was. And then Gerald walked in I told him that we all got in trouble and then we all continued talking about how strange he was until Gerald comes up with something. We all waited for him to say it and stared at him. He said slowly that he wasn’t a police inspector he sounded quite sure. There was even more evidence, he said he met a police sergeant and asked him if he knew an inspector Goole. Gerald described the chap to him and the sergeant said that he swore there was no one of that name or like him on the force. My dad then rang the chief constable to once more make sure, there was no inspector by the name of Goole. Everybody was a bit happier but I still thought in the end we all were responsible for a young girl’s death. I supported Eric at this time he said what I thought and what the rest don’t understand that the girl is still dead and they are pretending that she isn’t.
After a while of constant arguing Gerald comes up with something. He thought that the there was no real Eva Smith who changed her name to Daisy Renton and committed suicide. All he thought was that he was taking about different girls and that the photos were shown individually because of that reason. I was a bit less sad but I still could not forget the fact that all of us said what actually happened. Then Gerald phoned the infirmary to make sure there was no girl who committed suicide in the infirmary, as we waited patiently it was not true there was no dead girl there. I and Eric was still upset because we still did wrong things and we were aware of the consequences- at the end of the day we still harmed people and it was something that could have been real. I could still remember the inspector, his eyes how he glanced upon me, his voice, how he made me feel, his presence, all of it frightened me still.
Everyone was happy again, smiling, triumphing and Gerald trying to propose to me again by saying it’s all over! But obviously I thought it was too soon and had to think about it. Everyone was laughing thinking that it was stupid and being amused until all the cheerfulness from everyone got interrupted by the ringing, the ringing of the phone. Dad picked the phone up; everyone was waiting anxiously due to all the events that took place. There was a deadly silence, I got scared. Dad put the phone down to say the fateful news. It was the police, a girl died in the infirmary after swallowing some disinfectant and a police inspector is on his way. That guilty conscience started to get bigger but the atmosphere was not only surrounded with that but also confusion and terror. My heart started to race up again, I was worried, I panicked and was confused. I thought of the situation again trying to make sense it just startled me even more. How did the so called inspector no about Eva!!?!
I could never forget the faces of everyone as they stared guilty and dumbfounded. It changed everybody’s life. We all found shameful secrets of each other and knew what kind of a person we were. From that day on I tried never to be mean like that again to this very day…
