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Short Story - Desert . We are announcing our lucky winner for the free all-exclusive trip to Ethiopia

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´╗┐One sunny July, Ariffe Munier rolls down the window, wind breezing through his shirt, turns on the radio while driving in his mini-van to work. He was not looking forward to work. He hated his every day routine, waking up, dropping the kids to school and go to his twelve-hour shift at work. All Ariffe could think of was retirement but he was a long way from there. As he turns on radio he hears, ?GOOD MORNING AMERICA, what a beautiful day it is, now we are announcing our lucky winner for the free all-exclusive trip to Ethiopia for a whole weekend at the five-star suite by the beach.? Ariffe signed his name up to win but he had no doubt of winning feeling hopeless. ?The lucky winner is Ariffe Munier from Mississauga, Ontario and Paul Langan from Montreal, Quebec.? Ariffe stopped the car immediately realizing he reached his workplace, hopped out of the car jumping up and down like he scored a goal in a soccer world cup match. One hour later, the station called his cell phone asking for his information and who he wanted to bring with him. Ariffe was limited to only bringing two people alongside him. Ariffe wanted to bring his wife but she was two months pregnant with two other kids. ...read more.


Ariffe?s main concern was for Philip, Philip has had diabetes since he was ten and almost every day he has to take his insulin shot. Philip was limited to his insulin shots due to the lack of resources from the plane. ?Guys we need to do what it takes to find help, we?ll do whatever it takes to get out of here,? Ariffe stated just like the leader he is. ?You know its all your fault we?re in this position now Ariffe. If you didn?t tell us to come to this stupid trip, we would all be home?.safe at home,? yelled John unfriendly. ?Look John, it is what it is, we can?t go back in time, we all agreed to going to this trip, our main focus right know should be finding help and trying to find our way back home,? said Ariffe. It was getting dark, the three settled down in a small area surrounded by trees. Ariffe set up a campfire and provided his friends with some food. He then handed Philip his insulin shot. You can tell by Philips body language that he was feeling very ill and depresses. ?Cheer up Philip, don?t lose faith?, said Ariffe. Meanwhile, John selfishly leaves the group and says he will be back. ...read more.


Air Canada has reported that the plane location was unknown and there are no signs of survivors. The Canadian government sent rescue party every where around the Atlantic Ocean, even to all cities near the Atlantic Ocean. Finally it was the day, Ariffe, John and Philip were ready get on the raft and escape the island. They had no choice, time was an issue. John lost his leg and Philip?s diabetes was really affecting his health. As they got on the boat, the gang prayed to escape safely. They looked back at the island, ?one adventure we experienced, Hey we should give a name to this island?, said Ariffe. ?Why don?t we call it A.J.P island, said Philip. A.J.P. stands for Ariffe, John, and Philip putting all their first names and making an initial with it since they were the first to enter the island. 48 hours later, after almost losing hope of finding a way out of the Atlantic Ocean. A fisherman?s boat appeared out of now where. Immediately, Ariffe and John started screaming and raising their hands crying out loud, ?SAVE US, OVER HERE, WE?RE OVER HEAR.? It turns out that it was a boat from the Ivory Coast. The fisherman came towards the raft and rescued them immediately. The fisherman took them to their homeland, Ivory Coast, near the west-coast of Africa near the border. Luckily, the Canadian government found the ...read more.

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Here's what a teacher thought of this essay

3 star(s)

This has some moments of good description, more in the first page, where there appears to be more of a focus on the structure and format of the writing. The writing then becomes a little sluggish where a story is being told but there is not enough attention to detail and the description used is not as effective as it could be. The writing is also not effectively concluded which means it can not achieve marks at the upper end.

3 Stars

Marked by teacher Laura Gater 05/09/2013

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