Short Story - Desert . We are announcing our lucky winner for the free all-exclusive trip to Ethiopia

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One sunny July, Ariffe Munier rolls down the window, wind breezing through his shirt, turns on the radio while driving in his mini-van to work. He was not looking forward to work. He hated his every day routine, waking up, dropping the kids to school and go to his twelve-hour shift at work. All Ariffe could think of was retirement but he was a long way from there.

As he turns on radio he hears, “GOOD MORNING AMERICA, what a beautiful day it is, now we are announcing our lucky winner for the free all-exclusive trip to Ethiopia for a whole weekend at the five-star suite by the beach.” Ariffe signed his name up to win but he had no doubt of winning feeling hopeless.

“The lucky winner is Ariffe Munier from Mississauga, Ontario and Paul Langan from Montreal, Quebec.” Ariffe stopped the car immediately realizing he reached his workplace, hopped out of the car jumping up and down like he scored a goal in a soccer world cup match.

One hour later, the station called his cell phone asking for his information and who he wanted to bring with him. Ariffe was limited to only bringing two people alongside him. Ariffe wanted to bring his wife but she was two months pregnant with two other kids. Ariffe told the station,” This is tough but I would to bring my best friends with me to this trip, John Morgan and Philip Langan.”Ariffe was filled with excitement but felt guilty to not choose his own family over his friends. After a lot of meditating, Ariffe came up with the idea to not tell his family at all that he was going on a vacation but instead lie.

After few hours after celebrating in a bar with John and Philip, Ariffe went home to his family. He thought about telling his wife, Annie, but selfish ideas started to surround Ariffe’s head. ”Hey Annie, how was your day, by the way I got to go to Chicago for a business trip this weekend so yaaa, just wanted to let you know,” Ariffe said exaggerating. “Okay baby I’ll help you pack tomorrow morning,” said Annie. Ariffe felt guilty for not telling her but he thought to himself, Philip and John were my best friends since I was eight. It would definitely be more fun to hang out with the gang. The three grew up together in the same neighborhood since they were kids. They have gone through a lot throughout the years with a number of adventures in their childhood.

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Finally the big day has come, Ariffe, John and Philip were quietly entering their seats in the plane. There were so many people in the plane so it was pretty loud and nerve-breaking. The three sat together and in less than an hour they all felt asleep.

After 18 hours travelling in the plane, the plane started to shake. Everyone panicked for a second till the plane stopped shaking. One of the flight attendants started running through the seats shouting, “THE PILOT IS DEAD, THE PILOT IS DEAD”. As soon as Ariffe turned around, the plane started going down at ...

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This has some moments of good description, more in the first page, where there appears to be more of a focus on the structure and format of the writing. The writing then becomes a little sluggish where a story is being told but there is not enough attention to detail and the description used is not as effective as it could be. The writing is also not effectively concluded which means it can not achieve marks at the upper end. 3 Stars