No-one knows quite how I feel so here is me trying to explain it, if I can. I am depressed and I know I am but I’ve been depressed before and this feeling is much worse, everyday I dream of death, I have lost all my friends, but then I think of all the times I’ve shared with them I have never done anything to them but yet they still hate me, for no reason at all. Why? Why is my sister dead, she died 4 years ago but it still feels like yesterday and no one understands because no one will ever know what it feels like. I don’t wish this pain upon anyone but I just wish someone would notice me, and how sad I am. The dreams I have about Leanne crush my heart, I dream of her hugging me, and I would give anything for one hug one last time. I don’t want to kill myself because it would ruin my mum dad and brother, I just always wish that I had never been born, everyone who comes near seems to get punished and something bad happens to them, when nothing ever has before. I am a horrible horrible person and I know I am that’s probably why no one likes me. Even my parents aren’t happy with what they’ve got, my mum gets upset when all her friends are talking about the happy times they have with they’re familys and then she looks at hers, my brother just drinks, I’m depressed and Leanne my big sister, the angel in the sky…. is dead, no wonder she asks herself why she got stuck with us. My dad even said the other day, all he ever wanted was a family. I see my counselor Sarah and she doesn’t think I’m that bad when really all I want to do is tell her, I just cant seem to find the words, so like the other one she thinks I’m fine…and she will leave me also. And I will cry. Again. That’s all I seem to do and I cant help it, I have been sad for so long I cant remember the last time I was really truly happy, and I will probably never experience that again. I just want to be happy, but when death has been in your life there is nothing that will ever fill that empty gap or space, and just knowing that others will die soon just destroys me inside, I am so scared of the future, because of the past, and because of the past I am depressed at present. I can never be happy and I will never be happy. Why is everyone else and not me? What have I done to deserve this?
