My mum came to dust my room…………………………………
“Damn that dog” I said “I told it not to watch the video with me!”
To distract my mother and buy me some time I shouted to Sausage my dog “Come here boy, come here” And he came bouncing into my room…………………………………………..
I looked round and found a piece of last night’s pizza on the floor so I picked it up and threw it on my bed and of course Sausage followed. When my mother walked into my room I told her, “Look I told you the dog was strange.” While she was telling the dog off I crept over to my video player and was able to get my adult video out and hide it in my underwear drawer which is right next to my video player.
Dear Diary
02/04/02
Last night I went to bed with my nice clean sheets and duvet. To my amazement I fell asleep straight away. I began to dream; it was as if she had come alive. She had long golden hair with eyes, which looked like the eleven oceans; they were the most beautiful eyes that I have ever seen. To my inexperienced eyes she was all that any man could ever desire. In my dream she and I were lying together in a discreet and very private apartment, which looked over a small fishing village on the French coastline.
Unknown to me as I was lying in my bed Sausage had jumped up and was lying next to me. In my dream I reached out to embrace the woman of my dreams. I felt my hand close around a soft but firm shape, but I wondered why was it so WET. At this moment I was woken from my dream by a distressed yelp as Sausage struggled to free his nose from my hand.
The next moment I heard him hit the floor in the darkness, he had fallen off my bed. The noise woke everyone up. My mother came to investigate and nearly tripped over Sausage as he ran passed her, She asked, “What’s going on Olly?” I was still half asleep as I mumbled something about how lovely she was. She walked away puzzled and shaking her head.
This morning when Sausage saw me he went and hid himself in his bed. The incident last night must have upset him because my mum was surprised to find his bed was strangely damp this morning. I looked at Sausage and laughed to myself.
Dear Diary
03/04/02
Up until now today has been an uneventful day, for me. But as for Sausage it was anything but.
When I got home I was amazed when my mum told me that she had taken Sausage to see a pet psychiatrist about his strange behaviour. She had told him that Sausage had wet his bed that morning; he had woken everyone up during the night by jumping on and off my bed, and the night before that he had made some strange stains on my bed (or so I told her.)
The pet psychiatrist asked my mother what she thought the problem might be. She could not explain it but thought that it may be because she had changed his dog bed cover and Sausage thought it looked a bit girly. I thought it was a bit of a daft explanation and started to laugh to myself.
I went over to Sausage who by this time seemed to have forgotten the adventure last night. I was playing ball with him thinking to myself how narrowly I had escaped when all of a sudden I heard my mother call down and say “I’m just going to put your clean underwear in your drawer for you”
The colour drained from my face as I realized what she had just said.
TOO LATE!
