‘Don’t you have any notes, darling?’
‘Erm no sorry no I er forgot to go to the Bank on the way here.’ She blushed slightly as he took some time to count it.
‘Cheers’
They were just exiting as Rob asked his mother why she didn’t pay for the rest of the shopping.
‘Excuse me Miss but can you wait there for a minute’ the man had heard Rob and walked over to her.
‘Could you empty your pockets Miss’?
She walked towards him and whispered in his ear,
‘Please, not in front of the boy, he is too young, he won’t understand.’ She looked so frightened but was trying to act normal to Rob. It didn’t work. He looked embarrassed and walked solemnly out of the door.
‘Darling, you could be locked up for this you know. If you come with me then we will put it all back and say nothing else about it. Let’s just try and forget about it, I know you really didn’t want to do this especially in front of your boy.’
The silence as she caught up with Rob was deafening. They walked together in quiet for the distance back to the council house.
‘Why don’t you get a job, mum? If you got a job then our life would be better.’
‘Your father didn’t care about us and doesn’t give us money anymore, I don’t even know if he still alive.’
‘What was Dad like, mum’
‘Lets go and have some beans, Rob.’
At the house she cooked the beans for herself and Rob as he asked more questions, he was an intelligent boy who was asking about morals. She avoided answering them directly like a politician would as they were awkward and she didn’t want to answer them. When she had finally finished cooking the beans half of them were burnt. She handed over the burnt ones to Rob. She stared at him as he pushed the beans around his plate, trying to think of something kind to say,
‘Do you want me to take you to school with you tomorrow?’
‘No it’s ok, I can manage’
‘Are you sure? I want to see your mates’
‘No, mum please don’t come. I don’t want you to’
‘Fine, if you want I will pick you up’
‘NO’, he said it louder than he intended to but she still showed no emotion.
She didn’t speak to him for the rest of the evening but this was not out of the ordinary as their relationship was not strong. Rob loved his mother, but it was unconditional love and he couldn’t really see himself liking her if she wasn’t his mother. The next day he went to school even though he didn’t want to learn or see his ‘friends’. She didn’t come to pick him up that afternoon but he was glad about that for two things: she wouldn’t see them tormenting him in the playground and saying stuff about her and they wouldn’t see her because that would mean weeks more of the continuous comments.
‘Where have you been’? It was so obvious when she was drunk but he never said anything.
‘Sorry, mum’
She didn’t look at him when he talked her. ‘How was your day?’
‘As if you care’
As the night wore on the conversation came back to Rob’s father,
‘Why did he leave, mum? Did he not love me?’
‘He was a bad man and he didn’t love me or you and he never will.’
‘Why is my life so bad? All the boys at school are richer than us and they have fathers who play football with them’
‘You really don’t get it do you, we are poor and it will never change. When you are older you are going to be nothing. Just like me and your father, your grandparents and everyone before us. God doesn’t even like us.’ He knew she was drunk but he sensed that she had meant what she had said.
‘Oh’, he didn’t know what he could say
He looked into her eyes, and said frankly,
‘….Mum’, he paused,’ do you love me?’
