“No let’s stay exactly where we are.”
“Get off me” I shout, “this isn’t funny.”
He pushes me to the ground and puts his arms on me shoulders so I can’t move.
“Help me, Please help me.” I scream as he pulls down the zipper of the jeans.
“Shut up you stupid bitch!” He says in a quiet voice.
“Help, help RAPE!” I scream again.
He puts his hands over my mouth; I start to take deep breaths as not much oxygen is getting to my lungs.
As I stare at this terrifying, blood shot eyes, then my attention is drawn to the silver necklace he had round his neck. A scull and cross bone.
I take a deep breath and move a step away from the mirror. I put my hands on my face and wipe my eyes and put some or hair behind my ears. I feel a bump under my left ear. I move towards the mirror again with my head still on the bump then slowly move it away so I can take a look at it. It was a scar, a scar that makes me think hard about.
I come in from Kate’s house, shut the door and hang my dripping coat up in the hallway. I walk into the kitchen where my mum walks toward me when she sees me. “Hey Mum” I say.
“Oh my God, sweetie you must be freezing, Go up and take a bath!” she says very sympathetically.
“Mum I will take one later” I look down.
“What was you thinking walking home on this horrible afternoon anyway, you knew I would have picked you up” Saying very mummy like.
“I just…well…needed some time to think, on my own.” I say slowly and guilty.
“About what honey?”
I move away, walking slowly backwards as if I was trying to move away from the question she had asked.
“Mum I’m pregnant” I say quietly.
My mum stares at me for a few seconds then starts shouting.
“YOU WHAT! You stupid little cow, how could you be so stupid! With who? When? Tell me, tell me now you little shit!”
“Mum, I just.”
“You, Just, What?” She says in a very aggressive way.
“Mum I’m sorry.” I say as tears stream down my face.
“Sorry, sorry? Sorry won’t do anything now!” my mum takes a deep breath, “Okay well it’ll be okay all you need to do is have a abortion.’”
“Mum I’m not going to have an abortion. I’m going to keep the baby”
My mum eyes go wide, then laughs. “You’re joking?”
“No Mum, I’m not, I’m keeping the baby”
My mum turns around with her back to me and put her hands on the kitchen worktop. She grabs a packet or peanuts in front of her then turn and throw them at me. ‘You cow! Your 16 years old!’ she screams as she starts to throw more.
‘Mum, mum please stop. Mum I beg you stop.’ But she doesn’t. I put my hands over my face and with the last thing she throws fall to the floor. As I sit on the floor, she stops and just stars. Then says ‘Oh my God, what have I…’
‘Just go.’ I say then tears stream down her face as she runs out the back door.
When I hear the front door shut. I move my head from under my left ear from where the most pain is coming from. A head full of blood!
I open my eyes, and look straight back in them in the mirror. I see the pain in them and then I get very cold. I walk over to my bed and then grab the old flatten pillow. I walk back over to the mirror. I sit the floor holding the pillow to my stomach like I was little and the pillow in my head was a teddy, which comforted me whenever I was scared or upset. I Rub my legs so they won’t get cold then I feel another bump. This time knowing what it is straight away without even looking at it. I move my finger over the bump as I stare into my eyes in my reflection. It’s about one and a half inches long and about three millimetres wide.
I tuck in my baby, putting another blanket over her to keep her warm. ‘Bye mum, see you in the morning. Love you.’ I say to my mum.
‘Bye sweetie love you too. Keep safe. Call me when you get to Katie’s’ She’s says worryingly. I put my scarf on then push the buggy out the door as my mum opens it. ‘Bye little Sarah, see you in the morning’ she’s says to her grandchild. Then watches us out the door for a little bit as we walk down the dark street. Then I hear the front door shut. I walk up the first road and crosses at the crossing to the next. Katie’s house is only five roads away.
I start to sing when I reach the third road. I can see the local pub at the end of the road, which has got no one out side like it normally does. I stop singing when I turn cold. I check my baby who is now asleep. Then I smile because it reminds me of how she always got to sleep with the sound of my voice. I walk up the road with a little smile on my face as I still think of the times I have sung Sarah to sleep. Suddenly a man comes out from the pub as we grow near to it. He starts to shout and point at my baby and me. I stop but then start to walk again as I think to myself. He’s okay he’s just joking around. I walk past him and without looking at him but as I was just walk away. He grabs the buggy; my baby wakes up and starts to cry. ‘Hey what do you think your doing, get off’ I say as I cant believe that he has just do that. There is no one else in sight and there is loud music playing from the pub so if I shouted no one could here me. ‘Look I’m I a hurry, get off.’ The man just looks at me then grabs me tight but my arm. I don’t let go of the buggy but try to get him off by kicking him. He doesn’t say a word and he doesn’t do anything. ‘Get off now! Help!’ I shout. He doesn’t so I lift my fist and threaten to punch him but he just smiles.
‘You really think you can hurt me?’ he says.
I throw my arm into his face and in that second he falls to the floor. I hold the buggy and am about to run but suddenly the man grabs my leg and when I move his nail claws into my skin. I run as run as I can and never look back.
I look from my reflection to the scar and say to my self. “It shows it’s hard to do what’s right but in the end it’s the best thing to do,” I say quietly to myself. “Never give up and fright through the hard times.” I wipe my eyed when I think of my baby now growing up with no mum. I hold my head together and pray for my little Sarah. Sarah I want you to Know I still love you and am always thinking of you. After I am finished I pull the hair back out of my face and fell the little bold bit of skin where there used to be hair. I feel the smoothness of the skin where the hair has never grow back.
I sit by myself in the outside part to the prison. It’s my first day and I have only just got in the prison about 3 hours ago. I look around the big field and then look at the high fences that surround the prison. All the women are were blue tops and trousers just like me. A group of girls come up to me and start a conversation. They seem really nice and we start talking like friends. “Hey I’m Emma, what are names?” They take it in turns saying there names in the alder they are standing so I don’t get confused and gives my a chance to remind them. They all say their names and tell me their ages with welcoming smiles. The oldest being Cathey who is 34 and the youngest, being Alex who is 18. I look around and smile at all of them and then say. “It’s nice to meet you all. I’m 19 and a half!” We start talking just about the outside world and things. Then the bell goes. Cathey says ‘”that’s the bell to say it 6:30pm and we have to come in and have dinner.” As I walk slowly into the prison, I see that some girls are staring at me. I don’t know what to do so I just smile and keep walking with the girls I just met.
After dinner at 8:00pm we get so more free time into the inside hall. I stay with the same group of friends because they are really nice and I get along with them really well. They really make me fell welcome and part of the gang. The girls who were staring at me before come up the girls, who I have made friends with and me.
“Hey girl, you’re with us now, say bye.” The leader says.
I just look at her and then at my new friends. My group stands up in front of my and stares shout at them.
“Olivia, just leave her alone.” Cathey says.
“Make me, bitch!” Olivia says as she pushed Cathey. Then Olivia’s crew pushed the other out the way and grabs me.
“Look your with us now.” One of Olivia’s crew says.
“No, leave me alone. I don’t want to be in your group.” I say quietly but proudly. Olivia pushes Cathey to the floor then me. A big fight a merges and before I really know what’s happening, there is blood running from my nose. I scream as someone from Olivia’s crew or Olivia pulls and a big clump or hair from my head. Then when I look up it’s bleary but one thing stands out. The number of Olivia’s t-shirt 555.
Olivia and her crew run when the bell goes to tell us that it is time to go to our cells. I get up when the girls get up whom I have made friends with. “Oh my God, I am so sorry. I didn’t know…” I say in a sorry voice as I look at the beaten up girls. They all start to say no it fine honey, I hope your okay. I fell very happy when they say they don’t blame me and they are worried about me and see if I’m okay. Then I released I have made some great friends. They have just got beaten up because they want to be friends with me and they still want to be friends and care about me.
I smile and think I’m glad that the hair never grew back there. That way I can always remember that sometimes you have to take the pain when you know you are doing the right thing. I will always remember that night and some of the best friends I ever made in this place. I take my hand away from the little smooth path of skin and then smooth my cheek and when I look in my reflection at my hand and think quietly to myself something’s never change.
It was 11:00am; I am sitting with my group of friends on the benches like we had been at this time in the day for a couple of weeks now. I laugh when Alex randomly falls off the bench of no apparent reason, like she also does. She is so dippy! Then we quiet down and then I see a girl sitting a few benches away and sobbing. “Hey Cathey, let’s go and say hi” I say.
Cathey looks the way I am looking then says ‘”Yeah, come girls!”
We walk over to her and sit on the same bench. “Hey sweetie what’s the matter?” I say Sympathetically then Jenna puts her arm around her. “What’s your name?” I say.
The girl wipes her eyes then looks up, “I’m sorry its just I’ve only just got in here, I scared.” The girl starts crying again ‘I’m just so scared.’
“Its okay honey we all was on are first night, it’ll be okay.” Cathey rubs her back to comfort her.
“Thank you so much guys, you don’t know how much that’s helped me” she says when she stops crying.
“Yeah we do, we was all like this at the beginning. Everyone needs friends and you have them.” Amy says.
We all hug as we say are names, ages and a bit about each of us.
At dinner Lizzy the new girl sits with us. She tells us about herself and her family and friends on the outside. Then she mentions a group of girls that come up to her as she was walking back to their cells that afternoon. We ask her to pick of the group of girls in the lunch hall.
“Them, that group of girls.” She points to the other end of the hall at Olivia’s crew. We all look at each other and shut are eyes, them bitches cant they just leave poor girls alone.
“Sweetie, what did they say to you?” Cathey asks.
“They asked if I wanted to be in there group and I shook my head and walked away. I wasn’t horrible I just didn’t want to talk to anyone.” She said worriedly.
After dinner we went into the inside hall where we always went. You can here the pattering of the rain on the bard windows. Olivia and her crew made there way up to us. Catheys talked before they could even open their mouths to threaten us. “Look Cathey cant you just let it go, its her first night and she’s already scared just leave her alone.”
“Good, Lets get them girls.” Olivia says very proudly. We stand around Lizzy to protect her. Lizzy is 17 and a half and now is the smallest of are group. Her eyes are big and there is terror in them. Olivia and there crew grab us and start to punch and hit us. We fight back, throwing punches and pulling the crews hair. When it’s finished Olivia’s group and ours both have black eyes, bruised faces, bruised arms and bruised hands. I hold my hand up so I can see it, black, blue and red now. Blood dips on the floor where we have been fighting. Then I look up and the last thing I see as Olivia walks out the door is her number. 555!
I rub my hand and about to walk away. When suddenly I notice something on the floor in the reflection. I quickly walk over the in and pick it up, I clench the silver scull and cross bone necklace in my hand. So hard the necklace slabs me and my hand drips with blood.
I place the knife down on the kitchen worktop; I got the knife in a set a couple of weeks ago for 19th birthday from my mother. My mother lives about ten minutes drive away from me and I take little 2-year-old Sarah to her grandmother’s house every Tuesday and Friday. Yesterday on Friday we went over there for about five hours. I walk to my bedroom to check on little Sarah, who is sleeping like a baby!
I sit down and watch the 10pm news on BBC1. Suddenly there’s a hard nock at the door. I jump think, who can this be at this late hour. I unlock the door and open it a tiny bit. The door swings open and whacks me in the face. I lay on the floor not knowing what’s happen. I quickly get to me feet. ‘What the hell do you think you are doing! Get out of my house.’ I shout. The man turns around and looks at me, the necklace he wears around his neck shines, at that second I realise who it is.
“Get out I will call the police!” I scream. Then I run toward the phone. But he grabs it first then rips the wire out of the wall.
“Where is it?” I look at him the shake my head back off. I stop suddenly when I hit the worktop of the kitchen. “Where is it?” He shouts again. Then we both turn to the sound of the baby crying in the bedroom. I put my hand on the worktop and feel what it is. When he turns back to me, he grasps as I stab the metal blade of the Knife in his stomach. He falls to the floor when I take it out. Then I scream. “LEAVE ME ALONE. JUST DIE!!!”’ as I stab the man another four times in the stomach and chest to make sure he going do die. I Look at the body on the floor then grab the Scull and cross bone necklace he was wearing round his neck the put it in my pocket. Blood drips from the knife onto the floor where the body lays looking at me.
I throw the necklace to the floor at the other end of my cell. Then fall to my bed and cry myself to sleep, thinking of my poor baby growing up without her mother.
