She ran through the rest of the shopping centre. Past the countless shops, pictures of stick figure models stuck to their windows.
Sitting under the stairs on the station she extracted the remnants of a family block of chocolate from her bag. She flicked through the leaflet “Lose weight now”. She had never seen it before. She began sobbing.
The train pulled out of the station. She remained sitting hidden under the steps. Consumed by distress the tall figure that slid up next to her went unnoticed. He lit a cigarette causing her to jump.
“What’s the problem, babe?” he said offering her a cigarette.
“No thanks I don’t smoke” she muttered, wiping away the tears. Suddenly conscious of her size she folder her arms across her stomach. “Hey I’ve seen you before” she sniffed, “You’re Dads apprentice”
“Yeah, that’s me. Look, do you want a lift somewhere?”
Face flushed, crying, she unlocked the front door and ran upstairs to her bedroom. She shouldn’t have done it. His sweet charm had left her trapped in a car while he tried to come closer.
“Give it ago, come on I promise it won’t hurt”.
He had thrust two pills into her mouth. The car had swirled around her. Bright lights and colours burned images into her mind. She wanted to scream but was trapped by her own laughter. She felt giddy; she was dancing on the wind as the drove along the freeway.
She giggled, “Do you think I’m beautiful?” she struggled to make all the sounds.
He looked her straight in the eye, “No, I felt sorry for you”.
They drove round for the next few hours. She slept in the car. With a prod she had been woken, “Oi get out”
In her room she remembered. She felt her bra clip. It had been undone. Her neck was tender and sore from the love bites he had left on her. Everything had been a blur. The high from the pills left her unable to judge. With ridiculous laughter she had let him touch her.
The water in the shower poured down around her. She scrubbed her skin until it was raw red. She could hear a banging on the door. She immersed herself further within the torrents of running water. The world was her enemy. It laughed at her. It scorned at her. When she saw hope it saw opportunity for obliteration. A sharp oyster that contained no pearl, not that she had found anyway.
She towelled herself dry, catching a glimpse of her naked body in the mirror, quickly hiding. Her body told the story of her rejection, her withdrawal, from peer groups. Her friends quickly vanished. She ate, food was her only comfort.
The first time it had been her fault. She was there; she had put herself in danger. Her stupidity had led to her destruction. This time she had been vulnerable. Searching for comfort in a world that only saw her as a dress size.
* * *
The beautiful fourteen-year-old bit into the chocolate. In the other hand she lifted the bottle of vodka to her lips. She giggled as the boy came closer.
Awakening she cried. She felt her bra clip, it had been undone. Too drunk to notice everything had been a blur; bright lights and colours had burned images into her mind.
