Although he didn’t need to go anywhere, in fact, he didn’t even know where to go; he started strolling around, all the same. This was very aimless, but he carried on regardless. He did notice, however, that the sun was shining remarkably bright on this particular day, and that the atmosphere seemed peculiarly optimistic. Out of the blue, the person everyone knew as “Father” appeared before him. As intimidating as this was, he was much more scared, as “Father” was only known to show himself in situations of emergency. Dave was sure that he had done nothing wrong and had no idea why “Father” had suddenly appeared.
“I’m going to give you ten seconds; ten seconds to confess.”
“What do you mean, and why this all of a sudden?” Dave was at a loss for words.
“I mean exactly what I said. Dave, I’ve seen you struggle day by day with your love. I’m going to give you ten seconds to materialize beneath the ‘imperfection of the cloudy terrain beneath us’ in order to end all the trouble it’s causing you. It’s time to end this Dave, and you know it very well yourself.”
“Are you joking? How could you possibly do that?”
“My powers far exceed those of your understanding. Anyhow, when you’ve decided, just stay the two words ‘terra firma’, and you’ll find yourself where you need to be, but you will not be visible. When you’re ready, say ‘terra firma’ a second time, and your ten seconds will start. It’s your call.”
Dave was left rather lost, and as his mind recovered, he took a deep breath and thought hard. His mind was like the cloudy terrain he was standing on – thin wisps of thoughts like clouds intricately weaved around one another, with no obvious end. This was the chance he had been waiting for all this time, to return once more back to earth. He had to take it.
“Terra firma.”
~
A flash of light. A rush of wind. Earth. That was all. As Dave slowly made his way back down to earth, he looked around, just to see that nothing had changed. He recognized where he had landed – it was the very place where he had last been: the dark alley way. The dusty bins. That vandalized wall. That fence in front of the wall. It was all real. As he looked around, images of the old lady and that cruel man flashed into his mind, but he shook them off, obliging to stay on task. Finding her wasn’t hard. He knew that at this time of day she would be at home sipping some coffee, getting ready to leave for work. He had no problem making it home, although it was odd that the weather had suddenly turned colder and the wind had begun to pick up speed.
Walking around the corner, Dave saw something that struck him like a bull would strike a red flag. There she was with her flowing hair, her deep, blue eyes, her rosy checks, and her smile. However, next to her was another man. They were in a world of their own, laughing and flashing intimate looks at each other. A wave of jealousy washed over Dave as he looked. He wanted to materialize. He wanted to tell her that he loved her. He wanted to take her back. He wanted everything back. But as soon as he wanted everything, he realized that she did too, and that the world didn’t revolve around him. Dave thought hard. If he were to really confess, he would emotionally disturb her and make her uncomfortable. No, more than that, he would influence her lifestyle as a whole. She had tried so hard in order to move on, and he wasn’t ready to come into her life like a cannonball and confess his true feelings. It seemed too selfish.
With that, Dave took a step back and decided that it would be best if he didn’t do anything. Her life was perfect the way it was right now and he wasn’t ready to ruin it all over again. In that moment, there was another flash of light, and back he was, in his habitat above earth.
Dave found that although everything was as usual, he could now see a small transparent circle that would hover above the girl, allowing him to monitor her. He thought that he had done the right thing by allowing the girl to move on, to allow her to find a new life. The weather seemed to return back to being excessively bright again, and Dave felt his mind unweave and relax, finally at ease. He continued his journey around heaven, on the perfection of the cloudy terrain beneath him.
_______________________
COMMENTARY
In this creative writing I tried to tell a story of a man named Dave that died a humble death before he managed to confess his love for the love of his life. Because of this, he is constantly disturbed while being in heaven that is being referred to as his “new habitat” throughout the essay, until the very end. I tried to break the very cliché idea that heaven is a flawless place where everything is perfect by describing the terrain and the things that Dave does while he is in heaven. During a few moments throughout the writing, I used pathetic fallacy in order to mirror what Dave is feeling or to foreshadow events that are about to happen. An example would be the fact that the weather suddenly becomes colder when Dave is about to realize that the love of his life has already moved on. I tried to keep the dialogue in the text simple but effective. I tried to use it as a tool to help Dave realize that he is actually very disturbed by his love for this girl – something he is not aware of. Short sentences were used at times in order to prove that he is in fact in reality, such as when he arrives at the alley, “The dusty bins. That vandalized wall. That fence in front of the wall.” Towards the end of the writing piece, I start to slowly reveal everything, including the fact that his “new habitat” is actually what we know was heaven. Pathetic fallacy is used to show that Dave is at ease and that his mind has “untangled”. Lastly, I changed the phrase “imperfection of the cloudy terrain beneath us” to “perfection of the cloudy terrain beneath us”, not to show that it has literally become perfect, but has become perfect in his perspective, with his monitoring circle.
