The Growing Dependence On Computers
Computers have been very helpful to society over the last few decades. Nowadays laptop and desktop computers are used in almost any place, at home, at work, at school, in a car and even in the kitchen. Computers help us in our everyday tasks; they let us socialize with friends from around the world, work from home and even allow us to relax watching a movie or playing a game. However the reliance on them has grown greatly in the last couple of years, as statistics show that the percentage of households with internet and desktops or laptops has increased almost 80% over the last twelve years, which begs the question: is dependence on computers a good habit or should we be more serious about its consequences?
Computers make our lives easier and give us the possibility to connect to the Internet and learn new things. They make it possible for us to keep in touch with our friends, shop online or even receive classes online. Machines nowadays make it simpler than ever to organize digital media with only one click, instead of organizing physical discs, which is more time consuming and frequently get damaged. This gives us more time to do more creative or productive things in our life.
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Peer Reviews
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Quality of writing
The Quality of Written Communication is very good. Whilst there is a very limited use of punctuation, with no colons, semi-colons or parentheses used, there is an adept handling of spelling and grammar.
Level of analysis
This candidate shows an adept use of arguing skills such as use of statistics to show external research ("the percentage of households with internet and desktops or laptops has increased almost 80% over the last twelve years"); rhetoric ("which begs the question: is dependence on computers a good habit or should we be more serious about its consequences?"); and discourse markers ("In addition", "however"), though the latter could be more varied as derivatives of "in addition" and "however" being used a lot - other discourse markers such as "furthermore", "notwithstanding" etc, are just as useful. The main irk with this essay is the lack of authoritative language - the argument seems to be very rationally-worded and the candidate doesn't seem to know how to word their argument in such a way that their argument comes across as the most important. It wins marks for being excellently balanced, but their needs to be more evidence of pushing their own argument other than in the concluding paragraph (which is also one of the moments where the candidates response is flawless).
Response to question
This answer shows a candidate that fully understands the task of writing to argue. They make a very well-structured argument against the growing dependence of computers and technology, though the answer isn't perfect. There is consistent focus on arguing their point and the candidate also provides a second point of view towards computers, recognising their contribution to our everyday lives.