The Importance Of Going On A Field Trip
Going on a fieldtrip is a great way to take a break from studying so hard; however teachers overlook this fun way of learning. What’s more, most teachers think they can make children learn more and be smarter by reading big books. Well they are wrong, because by going on a field trip (atleast once every 3 months), the students get physically active, and learning in a fun atmosphere.
When it comes to learning, fun is the best way of learning. You never see science class that boring. In science class we usually do experiments. Experiments are fun, but you’re actually learning. Going on a field trip is the same thing. It would be a learning experience and we would have fun at the same time. We would be able to see cool artifacts, which we wouldn’t be able to see at school, maybe only in books. We would be able to learn by looking at the artifacts, instead of reading about it off a book. We would be able to see real live things. (e.g. We can learn how to start a business by going to stores and interviewing the cashiers or workers how they get customers to buy their products. We can learn how to write better stories by meeting authors. We can learn more in social studies by going to the Rom.) Also, it has been proven that when children learn and have fun at the same time, they learn more because they take an interest in learning. If we go to the Ontario Science Centre we would have fun and learn more in science.
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Peer Reviews
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Quality of writing
The Quality of Written Communication is quite poor. There are moments that suggest this candidate may possess a learning difficulty with simplistic sentences and frequent misuses of basic words (mistaking "them" for "they". While this is not easily rectified, I believe special considerations are made for candidates with writing difficulties. Other than that, the candidates must adhere to proper Standard English and avoid colloquialisms like "cool".
Level of analysis
The Level of Argument here is low. A lot of the time, the candidate uses very basic vocabulary and employs very few of the required devices that comprise a good argument. There are a few, naturally: a variation of sentence syntax, rhetorical questions, syntactic parallelisms, and although it is quite a poor one, a real life example of a science class being comparatively interesting to other lessons where textbooks are primarily used. I would argue though, that science classes also heavily rely on textbooks and reading knowledge and do not always feature practical experiments (they might do in this candidate's school, but this is an example of where they need to expand their views beyond their own experiences), so a better example is required to carry the weight of the argument they place on it. As well as this, the candidate neglects to mention any reputable statistic other than one they have appeared to conjure up in their head. The benefits of field trip education are apparent, but this candidate fails to express any one of them, other than the benefits of physical activity (one could argue here though, that not all field trips orientate around physical activities e.g. - history museums and art exhibitions). The statistic carries no factual weight and, when prefixed with "I think", the argument loses all it's steam. Arguments need to be powerful, emotive even. This candidate has not recognised the basic requirements of an argument and has instead pieced together parts of an effective argument and forgotten to string them together with any cohesion. This could be due to ineffectual teaching of the creation of a strong argument or a lack of interest in the subject being argued. As advice, I was suggest that this candidate practices arguing a number of topics they have a real passions for; hobbies, interests, free-time activities, etc., etc. Doing this will improve the punch of their arguments, as they will be writing about something they feel truly passionate for. This will help them write about things that maybe they do not have such a passion for as it teaches them to think of the positive and negatives in short time and jot these points down quickly so as to refer to them as notes in an exam.
Response to question
This answer is written in response to a Writing to Argue task. The task set is to argue the validity and importance of going on a field trip, as opposed to learning solely from textbooks in a classroom. The answer here is fairly focused, and makes an attempt at an argument against the restriction of field trips, though the answer is poorly structured, often contradicts it's own terms and fails to recognise the importance of field trips beyond their own experiences. It is important to consider how personal experience influence attitudes to certain things, but in an argument only small portions of personal experiences must be drawn upon if the candidate has any chance of relating to a larger target audience.
