“Mum”, it’s me, what time do you think you will be home?”
“I will probably be home about five; I’ve got loads of work.” She sounds stressful.
“Ok, I’m going down to get my tea at burger king”
“Alright, I’ve got to go sweetie, sorry, I’ll see you later.”
I put the phone down and look in the mirror, I like everything about myself I know it is arrogant and vain but I love my face, with its nice pale spotless skin and perfect blue eyes, my nose is not too big or small and my lips are blood red and the right size, then I look at my long blonde hair, its down to my bum, so smooth and straight, I’m 15 and the perfect weight for my height. I know it’s wrong to love yourself as much as I do, but I have reason to; I’m beautiful. I collect my money, phone and keys and have another look in the mirror on the way out.
The flat has just finished being done up, mum got a interior designer in to do it all, everything is stainless steel and glass, really modern like in all the magazines. That reminds me I take the new vogue magazine off the hall table, lock the door and start walking, I skip straight to the section on lipo suction, there is an interesting article on celebrity lipo suction, I’m not paying any attention to walking, just reading. come to the stairs, bare concrete steps, we are on the top floor of these flats, we have got a penthouse suite, only thing is the lifts haven’t been installed yet, or carpet on the stairs as these flats are brand new. I have completely forgotten about walking I take a step down from the floor, it’s a large step, too large I clear two steps and the middle of my foot land on the corner of the third step, I realise what I have done I lose my balance, drop the magazine. I feel sick my stomach turns over, the same feeling as when you realise you have left a wallet with loads of money in it, in a taxi. I feel sick because I know what is about to happen, this all rushes through my mind at the same time. Its happening in a split second, next thing I know I am falling through the air, face first, down a flight of twenty hard concrete stairs, I am lying horizontal in the air, I see the bottom of the stairs closer, closer to my face, closer, a few inches away.
“Jess, Jess, can you here me its mum,” I feel pressure on my hand my head aches I feel sick, I want to be sick. I open my eyes, I see mum on a chair sitting down, and I hear her voice;
“She’s awake” there’s excitement in her voice, she is not talking to me, a lady in a white coat approaches me.
“You’re lucky to be alive”, she says in a strict voice, as if I was disputing the fact.
“Where am I? Arrrrrrrrgghhh.” I feel a shooting pain through my face as if I’m ripping it apart every time I stretch my mouth.”
“Don’t speak” the nurse orders, “you suffered a terrible accident, you may not be able to remember it, you fell down some stairs.”
It all comes flooding back to me I remember leaving the house I remember the bottom stair. I close my eyes.
“Take deep breaths, in and out” whispered mum.
I’m bracing my self for my first look in the mirror after my accident I’m getting my stuff ready to leave the hospital I have had one hundred and twenty two stitches in my face and forehead in total and two major operations. My face is still severely scared and I have a massive diagonal scare running from my chin to my forehead. My nose has had to be reshaped and my lips are beyond repair, they have had ten stitches. My front teeth are all fake, and I have spent over a month in hospital. All the bruising and swelling has gone down and the stitches have been taken out. It is the first time I have looked in the mirror since before the accident, I am nervous frightened and on the verge of tears.
“When you’re ready” encourages mum.
I hold the mirror up to my face slowly. SMASH. I drop the mirror immediately am sick all over the shattered glass, mum screams, I cry. I am hideous, deformed, I didn’t recognise myself.
I sit on the settee, and bury my disgusting face in my hands I just sit and cry with my mum hugging me. I am going to have to get used to this for the rest of my life.
My first day back at school, I had received a lot of get well cards from my friends but none of them had seen my face. As I walked into the classroom I was shaking, I didn’t think I could do it, when I entered, the whole room went silent. Michelle was the only one who stood up and said welcome back with a smile on her face. At break time my friends just asked about the treatment and accident but didn’t stop looking at my face.
They were talking about going to a party on Saturday but they didn’t invite me. It was my friend Joanna’s boyfriend’s party. Joanna said to me;
“I’m sorry Jess, I don’t think you should come, not yet people need time to get used to your face, everyone will be looking at you.”
I nearly burst into tears with anger and humiliation when she said this and as soon as she realised the effect it had on me she said
“I’m only thinking of you Jess, I don’t want you to be embarrassed”, as if that was supposed to make it better. When none of my other friends stuck up for me it made me realise that they agreed with her. I walked off without saying any thing, I realised I hated them and I couldn’t believe that something like this would have stopped them liking me.
As I was walking across the playground I noticed out the corner of my eye, Michelle running up to me,
“Jess, what’s wrong?”
I started crying when she said this, partly because of how nice she was being to me after I had ignored her for years and I felt guilty, and partly because of how happy I felt that my face didn’t matter to her, that she would talk to me. I also wished I could be more like her, I know that if what had happened to me had happened to someone else I would of reacted the in the same way my friends reacted to me. I wished I would have reacted more like her.
Over the next few weeks me and Michelle became friends again, she hadn’t changed at all, I had. I realised that when I was with Michelle I could be honest about the clothes, music, hairstyles I liked, whatever they are. Rather than only liking the ones advertised on the channels I watched. The channels I watched were advertised on the radio stations I listened to, that played the sort of music that my friends listened to and what the advertisers and record companies and media wanted me to listen to. The channels advertised the clothes that the singers I liked wore, and the singers I liked only wore them because the clothing companies paid her to. I found out that all the clothing companies were owned by the same company, so I didn’t have any choice of clothes at all really. It was a vicious circle, and it didn’t allow me to like the things that I really liked. I was an outsider and all my old friends were outsiders. Not Michelle. I actually hated the things I used to like. I am a lot happier now and I am a lot more secure about my face. Michelle even taught me how to customise my clothes and do what I wanted to do with them.
I realised I was an outsider to my mind and my body. Now I am an insider.