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The Rain Horse-Diary Extract.

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Introduction

The Rain Horse-Diary Extract Dear Diary 20th September 1983 Last week was the most evil week in my entire life. I returned home to my countryside village after 12 years of fighting as a boxer in south London. I'm proud of my self after I achieved the heavyweight title. It was just an amazing thing to happen. As I arrived, I went out for a walk around the farm and I noticed a different atmosphere. It was very boring, uninspiring and lifeless. There wasn't a current of air. It was an alien land and like I left it twelve hundred years ago not just twelve years ago. I wanted to see the sunshine and feel the hot weather that reminded me of my childhood but the land was dull, wet and cold. I wanted to leave as quickly as possible. So I kept walking and suddenly something moved in the corner of my eye. There was a strange looking horse on top of the hill. ...read more.

Middle

I looked away and then turned back to see if the horse had moved. It stood exactly as before. After a few seconds the horse was on top of me, its head stretching forward and its legs kicking out then it disappeared. It happened so quick I didn't get the chance to fight or escape. I got up furiously, my clothes sodden and muddy. The animal was mad and out of control and I wanted to leave as quickly as possible, rain or no rain. The horse went down towards the wood and my way to the farm was clear. I began walking to the farm over the hill and suddenly I saw the horse again as tall as a mighty stallion, so I hid myself behind a bank for safety. At that moment I knew that the horse was watching and waiting for me. The horse attacked me again so I fell backward down the bank and leapt again like a madman. My suit was torn and my legs were shaking then the horse disappeared. ...read more.

Conclusion

My adrenaline was pumping as my energy and confidence slowly ebbed away. Finally one of the boulders struck the horse and it swirled him away. I began slowly to climb the crest of the hill as the horse watched me carefully before disappeared out of sight. The rain swept into my face and it was freezing. My clothes were sodden and muddy and I needed return to the farm across miles of dark fields to get to the station. I just didn't care anymore what the horse did. I was in a bad mood when I think about it. I was ashamed of myself. I arrived at the last field and I looked around. The horse looked tiny on the skyline and had not moved. The rain was dissolving the fields like soap. It looked desolate and lifeless. I went back to the station and caught the next train back to London. When I got home, I changed my sodden clothes. My legs were still shaking. My heart was beating fast as if it was going to burst and I felt exhausted. Then I started to think did this really happen to me? The Rain Horse, GCSE Post 16 English C/W ...read more.

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Here's what a teacher thought of this essay

4 star(s)

The writing in the second half of this piece is more developed than the first half and should be used as the model for the whole piece.
Try and remember that variety is needed to gain high marks - variety in vocabulary, punctuation, sentence structure and paragraphing.

4 Stars

Marked by teacher Laura Gater 29/05/2013

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