For my son, not trying to know everything he did worked quite well. As he reached adolescence he started disobeying more often. At first, I foolishly punished him severely every time he disagreed with me on things. Then, as this was evidently not working at all, I tried to approach him with a more calm and controlled manner. I first observed how he reacted when I tried to get in control of him – his eyes raged with fury, orbs of blistering flame as he glared. I then realized how awful I was at nurturing him, and how he simply didn’t like the fact that I was trying to teach him a lesson. I asked myself, what if I decide not to bother him at all? Indeed, this was the formula to calming down my son. You may be thinking, that not bothering about your children is like not loving them.
You are wrong.
Not bothering your children does not mean you do not care for them. It shows that you trust them. When you give them trust, eventually, they will understand that their parents are starting to them a chance. Then, they will start trusting you too. Some teens do not want so much attention. They want independence. Let them be on their own.
Another reason teenagers start to rebel and show disrespect towards their parents is because of bad influence. They may either get such ideas from their friends or the easily accessible media, for example, the computer and the television. To us parents, the internet - a place with no limits - is like a charlatan disguised to trick our children. Teenagers have access to unlimited information. Be aware of what yours watch and read.
Do not be afraid to restrict your children from using the computer and the television too often.
You have to take a clear stand to your teenagers that they cannot use the computer without any permission. Just explain to them that this is because you care for them and that you don’t want them go to down the wrong path. However, too much can always make situations worse. Stay within limits.
It is indeed quite easy for people to pick up bad habits during their teenage years, such as staying on the internet for too long. However, this is not the only bad habit that is common, smoking is also another habit, which is much worse than using a computer for too long.
Why do they feel that the need for smoking is so great, that they go behind our backs, just to have a cigarette? Why are some teens trying things that they were not as children?
The main reason teenagers start smoking is because of peer pressure. Acceptance among peers is a powerful motivation. As adolescents, they will face several areas of peer pressure, where cigarettes and alcohol more than likely will be among the first issues that will face them. With movies and television flashing images of underage smoking and drinking, most teenagers are shown only the more enjoyable and funny side of these habits.
Let them realize that smoking can have detrimental effects to their health.
However, this does not always work. Some teens can get more rebellious and not listen to their parents. Tell your teen you can’t stand the smell of smoke. Tell them the severe consequences if they do not listen. Tell them that they will die before you do if they continue smoking.
As students progress through adolescence, getting closer to college, not only do they occasionally become rebellious and start having bad habits, but they now also realize how important their exams are. They panic because of their grades. This is especially worse with their parents’ barrage of harassment regarding how poorly they are doing.
When your child gets a poor report card, the first thing most of us would do is to overreact. This is not the right thing to do in this sort of situation. Overreacting will not make anything better. The first thing you need to do is not to scold, but to get down to the root of this problem. Your child is failing for a reason. Perhaps they are suffering at school with bullies.
Talking to the teacher is a great way to start. The teacher knows a lot about their students. Ask them how they behave. My son struggled to keep up to my expectations in school. I was mad at first. Then I decided to consult with his teachers, and found out that he has not been concentrating properly during class. I therefore requested the teachers to split him up from his friends during class. He was able to concentrate better. His grades rose significantly within short amounts of time.
But above all else, the best way to raise your teenager is simply through communication. When you interact with a calm and controlled manner, this will be the key to the door of success for your teenagers. You should also never exaggerate how to feel – this is possibly the biggest mistake you could make.
Once again, reminding that the sudden changeover of behaviour in your teenagers is completely natural, you need not to worry about them. Don’t ever feel that you are the only parent who is struggling to raise his or her children, as every parent will go through the same dilemma at some point. Follow the advice that I have given, and light the paths forward for their future.
