“ I understood all that, I just can’t understand why you lied cause I asked you if you had a boyfriend and you lied straight to my face, I actually remember seeing the ring on your finger and thinking nothing of it thinking that it was your right hand or something.” He looked so tiered and fed up.
“ Did you take the ring off?” he asks, I can’t lie to him not now even as much as I’d like to I just can’t.
“ Yes but again I can explain you asked me if I had a boyfriend so I took the ring off hoping you hadn’t already noticed, I know you want to know why because I love you and wanted to see…” I can’t get out the words and when I do they sound all wrong.
“ To see what?” he is starting to get annoyed
“To see if we ever had a chance together.” I am nearly in tears again
“ Don’t cry please.” He sounds concerned
“ How can I not cry I am trying to undo the mess I have done, I have said I am sorry I can’t say anymore I have described the way I feel, but I now am asking you what you think!” I can’t help but ask I know it sounds selfish but I am giving loads and getting nothing back this was it truth time when I had to know what my future with nick was going to be.
“ I said earlier that I still love you.” He seems kind of distance not to sure of what he is saying.
“ But can you forgive me nick I need to know.” I have to know I can’t bare it; nick is the type of guy not to let you know what he is thinking even if I know him as well as I do.
“ I forgive you, but you have hurt me.” I nearly burst into tears with happiness, we both catch each others gaze and in those blue eyes my happiness is restored. Nick stands up he comes right up to me and wraps those warm and protective arms around me. ‘Ring, ring’ nicks phone is ringing, I can’t believe it who could it be, it is nearly half ten at night.
“ Who could that be?” I have to ask
“ I don’t know.”
‘Ring, ring’
“ Aren’t you going to answer it then.” Nick walks over and picks up his phone to see who is calling; to my surprise he switches his phone off without even answering it.
“ Who was it?”
“ Oh no-one, I have more important stuff here and now.” Nick takes me by the hand and sits me down on the sofa, I am expecting him to sit next to me, to my horror he gets down on one knee and produces this jewellery box, he opens it and in there is the most perfect ring in the world.
“ I know it isn’t the size of Pierre’s ring…”
“ No, no it is perfect.”
“ I think you know the question I am going to ask but I am going to ask it anyway, Sarah will you marry me.” I look down into those perfect blue eyes.
“ I think you know the answer, yes.” I shout it so loud, nick puts the ring on my finger, then jumps up and lifts me up spinning me around he starts to slow down just as he is putting me on the floor he leans in and kisses me a real kiss a nick kiss, my nick.
I later discovered that nick had bought the ring in nice and had come for a job interview so he could live with me in nice. I can’t wait to tell Lauren I am so excited, I walk back to Laurens it is such a clear and perfect night the stars are so bright and clear.
“ Lauren you will never guess what has happened!” I feel like I can’t get the words out fast enough.
“ What?” she sounds confused and worried
“ Are you alright?”
“ I am the best, you know how I was going to nicks, well when I got there my phone rang and he opened the door and I was scrambling…”
“ So you and nick got back together then.” She sounds weird and not her usual self.
“ Not only that he asked me to marry him.” I have to scream
“ No way, oh my god I don’t believe it!” she sounds so surprised
“ I think I am going to bed.” She says, what the hell I wanted to stay up most of the night planning it.
“ Oh what, don’t you want to help me with ideas.”
“ No I am so tired, but we will talk in the morning.” She gives me a faded smile and goes off to bed. I can’t possibly sleep now so I deicide to go back to nicks.
I don’t bother to buzz because someone is coming out of the building, as I reach out to knock on nicks door it opens and out walks Lauren in tears.
“ What the hell are you doing here and why are you crying.” I say confused.
“ Lauren wait I can explain…” nick walks out after Lauren but stops dead when he see’s me.
“ Lauren what is the matter.” I look at nick for an answer but he is staring at the ground, what is going on? I want to know I thought she said she was going to bed.
“ Why don’t you let nick explain, let nick explain everything.” Lauren runs off in tears. I have no idea what is going on
“ Nick what the hell is going on, why is Lauren crying, why was she even here?” I don’t understand any of this.
“ We need to talk, lets go inside.” Nick walks into the flat I follow behind him, when I get into his flat there is a smashed glass on the floor.
“ What has happened let me clear it up.” I walk over to clear it up
“ Just leave it, I need to tell you something.” He sounds guilty and worried.
“ Nick what is going on, first Lauren comes out of your flat crying then there is a smashed glass on the floor and now you are looking guilty and asking to talk to Me.” am I being paranoid?
“ You might want to sit down I have to tell you something.”
“ What nick tell me now don’t give me all this crap about sitting down tell me.”
“ Lauren was crying because she didn’t want you and me to get married.”
“ What, why?” I don’t understand.
“ Because she loves me.” I don’t believe it he doesn’t look like he is lying I look into his eyes he is telling the truth nick never lies not to me. Suddenly it all makes sense when nick walked into the café this morning how Lauren walked out and why she didn’t want to talk about my wedding plans.
“ Why would she be in love with you?” I can’t believe I am asking this and I try to not to sound like I want to know but the question has to be asked.
“ Because, we had a thing!”
“ What do you mean a thing?” he better not be saying what I think he is saying.
“ Me and Lauren together.”
“ You’re not giving me enough information, what the hell are you trying to say here?” I can’t believe what he is trying to tell me.
“ Me and Lauren we had a thing together, right after you left.”
“ I don’t believe what you are saying, how long for?” I feel like I want to scream. Nick whispers something but I can’t quite here him.
“ Don’t whisper I need to hear this.”
“ Two years the same time as you and Pierre were together.”
“ Pierre you didn’t even know, whereas my best friend.”
“ You slept with my best friend, don’t even try to get out of it and you leave me standing on the prom in nice crying my eyes out because I got engaged while you are sleeping with my best friend who I have known and trusted for over ten years.” I am nearly in tears and I feel pathetic but I am angry, angry at being so stupid not to see it and angry at nick for making me feel bad and guilty when he has been doing exactly the same but worse.
“ I’m sorry, I can explain give me a chance like I gave you a chance earlier.” He sounds desperate and upset. I look over to him he has tears in those big blue eyes he stands up and walks over to me.
“ You had gone and Lauren understood what I was going through so we became friends and one night we got really really drunk and one thing led to another…”
“So you slept together at least me and Pierre were in a stable relationship.” I am so mad I am crying in anger. Nick reaches out to wipe my tears away but I push his hand away.
“ Don’t touch me, how could you and you blamed me for getting engaged and you, you were…” I can’t even say the words; suddenly a thought comes into my head.
“ Wait a minute when I spoke to Lauren on the phone last night on the plane she said that she had seen you in the last twenty four hours that means you slept with Lauren after you had seen me didn’t you.” I am really crying now.
“ Didn’t you!!!” I scream at him he looks up with tears in his eyes and nods his head.
“ You bastard.” I run over to him and hit him again and again I am like those sad and depressed woman in the movies but I can’t help it nick is holding me down and trying to hug me.
“ Get off me.” I am crying so so much, I can smell nick his gorgeous smell, nick is still trying to hug me I give up we just stand there holding each other for what seems like hours after a while nick speaks.
“Let me explain just give me that much of a chance.” He sounds like he is crying I look up to see that he is, I nod and sit down on the sofa to listen I don’t want to hear this but I want to know I have to know.
“ You had just gone and Lauren was there the first time we slept together we were drunk, then it became a regular thing.” I look away as tears spill out my eyes I can’t take it but I’ve got to know, nick lifts my head up and looks me right in the eyes, he is nearly crying as well.
“ I knew I couldn’t have you, so Lauren was the closest thing to you, what me and Lauren had was like a drop in the ocean compared to us, Lauren was growing more and more attached but all I wanted was you, before I knew it me and Lauren had been doing it for two years and she just wasn’t you so I decided to come and get you when I got there you were with Pierre.” He gets up and walks into the kitchen, I follow him when I get into the kitchen he has his back to me I swear he just wiped a tear away from his eye he turns to me and looks into my eyes.
“ Sarah I love you.”
“ But can I forgive you?”
“ That is up to you, what me and Lauren did is horrible and I will never forgive myself.”
“ I don’t know I have to think this through until then I think you should have this.” I slide off mine and nicks engagement ring I reach out to give it to him but he refuses to take it so I put it on the granite worktop and leave.
Where should I go I can’t go to Laurens I defiantly can’t go to nicks.
‘Knock knock’ it is taking ages for them to answer after what seems like hours later the door opens.
“ Mum!” I burst into tears
“ Sarah what has happened come in what has happened.” So I tell her everything right from the start the two engagement rings, Pierre, nice, Lauren and nick. By the time my story has finished it is beginning to get light.
“ What should I do mum I don’t know what to do.”
“ First you should get some sleep then we will talk about it.” She smiles at me. It is weird sleeping in my old room so many times I cried myself to sleep in this bed, when dad left, when granddad died, when I failed my GCSE’s, the night before I left for nice and left nick behind. I get up to the smell of home when I go downstairs mum is sitting in her usual spot I remember as I child whenever she had to think something through she would sit their and no one was allowed to disturb her for hours.
“ Hey how did you sleep?” She pats the spot next to her I go and sit with her.
“ Not well, I kept thinking about nick and how he is, I did try to stop thinking about him but he just kept coming back into my mind.”
“I know sweetie it is horrible.”
“ What should I do mum?”
“ My advice is, Lauren is the main one to blame I am not saying nick is innocent in all this but he was looking for a replacement of you, whereas Lauren knew full well what she was doing and lied to you every time she spoke to you.”
“ Still I don’t know what to do.”
“ Go and talk to nick and if you love him give it one last try I am not saying it will be easy.”
So I took mums advice.
I press the buzzer outside nicks flat, so many things are running through my head I don’t know what is going to happen I don’t even know weather to forgive him or weather I can forgive him.
“ Hello”
“ It’s me, can I talk to you.” He buzzes me in without saying another word, when the lift doors open he is standing by his door wearing boxers and a t-shirt.
“ I was asleep I wasn’t expecting you to come back.” He looks really tiered and upset I can’t look him straight in the eyes just yet.
“ You better come in.” he walks in leaving the door open behind him when I come into the flat I find him in his bedroom sitting on the end of the bed, he looks up at me
“ I didn’t get much sleep after you left I obviously feel asleep, how have you been?” he looks concerned
“ I didn’t sleep much every time I tried to sleep I just kept thinking about you.” I look at nick and ask myself how can I still love him after what he is done to me and if I was being honest with myself I don’t actually know the answer.
“ Can I ask you one thing?” I say curiously
“ Anything but are you sure you want to hear it?”
“ It isn’t about you and Lauren.” I say
“ Ok then what is it?” he looked surprised did he want me to ask about him and Lauren or was their more he hadn’t told me, that he had left out hoping I wouldn’t know maybe I was just being paranoid it was hard to tell this whole lie was so unexpected.
“ If you were sleeping with Lauren…” nick looks away ashamed
“ When you came to nice and found out about me and Pierre how come you were so mean to me when you were doing the same with Lauren?” it is a harsh question but it has to be asked.
“ Because you obviously had strong feelings for Pierre, I don’t know maybe the thought of you even liking someone else also maybe the fact that you lied to me.” He sounds annoyed at that. How can he be annoyed at me I didn’t sleep his best friend did I?
“ Why are you getting annoyed at me for lying.” I sound like a spoilt child
“I don’t know?”
“ Well I suggest you find out, you’re the one who told me after I agreed to marry you.”
“ You’re the one who let me find out when your fiancé turned up when I was topless just about to kiss you.” Nick stands up, I can’t believe him.
“ Oh that is low even for someone that sleeps with my best friend when he says he was madly in love with me.” I say spitefully
“ Don’t you dare for a second say I wasn’t in love with you.”
“ So why didn’t you come and get me?”
“ I did.”
“ What three years later, three years to late.” I am shouting now thank god it is the middle of the day and not the night.
“ What did you expect me to come after you?”
“ Yes.” I say almost in a whisper, Nicks face instantly changes
“ What?”
“ Yes, I wanted you to come and get me but you never showed up.” Nick comes closer to me
“ I never knew.”
“ You didn’t have to know were weren’t supposed to know.” I turn away from nick, I have come here to try and sort things out and end up saying things that were just stupid thoughts ages ago and they don’t even help now.
I can’t think of anything to say and nick is just looking at me, I seriously have no idea what to do I want to tell him so much I love him but I just can’t not now. I look at nick hard to see what he is thinking looking into his eyes I just can’t work it out. Suddenly I thought crosses my mind.
“ I need to go.”
“ What, why I thought we need to talk.” Does he think this is it.
“ I have to speak to Lauren see what she has to say and pick up my stuff.”
“ Why are you going, are you coming back.”
“ I don’t know, I just have to talk to her to see what she has to say about all of this.”
I leave the flat as I am pressing the bottom for the lift door to close nick suddenly comes out of his flat and holds the lift door open.
“ Promise you will come back and talk to me.” He says
I don’t know what to say I have to hear Laurens side of the story before I make any decisions.
“ Even if you can’t forgive me at least come and say goodbye.”
I nod and nick lets go of the lift door I look at him as the door closes I look at his light brown ruffled hair, his perfectly tanned skin, his strong hands, and those perfect sea blue eyes.
I really don’t want to see or hear Laurens side of the story but it has to be done; I suppose I owe it to our friendship or something like that.
I don’t bother to knock or buzz because being one of her oldest friends I have a key it is, seeing as it is a Sunday she is sure to be in. when I walk in she turns around and smiles
“ Sarah where have you been did you stop over at nicks.” She winks at me, Why is she acting normal when she knows what is going on.
“ Isn’t that more your style!” I know I sound like a fifteen year old but before I can stop myself I have said it. Lauren sighs
“ So he told you”
“ Well what did you expect him to do not tell me?”
“ Oh I don’t know, I didn’t expect you to even come after him.”
“ What you knew.”
“ Of course, all of a sudden I was dumped for you.” now she sounds like a fifthteen year old
“ Lauren you can try to match you and nick to me and nick but as nick said your relationship was like a drop in the ocean compared to ours. So don’t you dare compare, I am here for one thing only and that is to hear your pathetic excuse of a side of the story.” I have to stay strong and not cry I try to remember revenge is a dish best served cold, cold like Laurens heart has to be.
“ Sarah don’t be like this.” She sounds desperate
“ So come on then I want to get this over with lets here it from start to finish the whole feeble excuse for an affair.”
“Sarah don’t be like this.”
“ Why not.” I shout at her I hate being like this but I am so mad at her.
“Ok, I’ll tell you just after you left nick was really upset so I went round to cheer him up and we got really really drunk and ended up in bed together and from then it become a regular thing.” She looks away ashamed of herself exactly like Nick.
“ So what is your excuse then nick had a reasonable one.” I ask impatiently
“ What I just told you about me and nick.”
“ No you told me what happened I want an excuse for sleeping with my ex boyfriend when you knew I still liked him.” I know I am being really unfair on her but she deserves it.
“ You knew I always liked nick I knew he was just using me because he couldn’t have you.”
“ Is that it.” I say in disgust
“ Is that your excuse cause if it was I wasn’t buying it.” I shake my head at her and walk into my room get my stuff and go to leave as I am getting to the door Lauren runs after me.
“ You left nick it was over can’t you let someone else have him I shouldn’t be ashamed of what we had or still have.”
“ What do you mean still have?”
“ He told me he loved me.” She says looking pleased with herself, I look at her with tears in my eyes.
“ How could you Lauren I thought you were my best friend and your just a desperate …” I stop myself
“ Go on Sarah it’s not like you to not finish saying what you like.” Lauren says sneering at me.
“ I wouldn’t want to waste my breath.” I walk out leaving her standing there.
When I am outside Laurens I am trying to get a taxi as I begin to give up and start walking a taxi slows down inside it is nick he opens the window and tells me to get in.
“ Where to then?” The taxi driver asks, I look at nick for an answer
“ Just drive us around for a while we need to have a talk without one of us running away.” The taxi driver grunts a bit before agreeing and we start to drive nick leans over and closes the hatch.
“ Nick what are you doing here?” I ask
“ I never trusted Lauren, I had to come and get you so she doesn’t feed you a pack of lies.” I say nothing and just stay silent
“ Well come on then tell me what she said I know she has said something.” How can he tell that by just looking at me. I can’t stand this I need more time to think so I reach over and open the hatch and tell the taxi driver to stop.
“ She said you loved her.” I say as I scramble out of the taxi with my bags I begin to walk off all I can hear is Nick shouting my name.
“Sarah wait.” He shouts from somewhere behind me
“ Just leave me alone!” I shout back people are stating to stare but I don’t care.
Nick is right behind me when he catches up with me he stops me and spins me round so I am facing him I didn’t realise he was so close to me he is right behind me.
“ I don’t love Lauren I never have I like her but I would never love her.”
“ So why did you tell her that you did?” I look up at nick he is not going to reply so I carry on talking.
“ I can take the fact that you have been sleeping with her for the past two years but telling her you love her when you say you love me, I am sick of this Nick all the lies and dirty little secrets.” I look across the street at all the people walking in and out of the shops.
“ Did you tell Pierre you love him?” nick asks
“ Of course I did.” I reply, this is it right here me and nick standing in the middle of a busy London street this is when I realise the future.
“ It looks like we are both in love.” I say to nick, he begins to smile I raise my hand for a taxi
“ But it looks like we are in love with the wrong people.” I say as tears spill out of my eyes I reach up and kiss nick on the head
“ Goodbye nick.”
I get in the taxi
“ Heathrow airport please.”
I can hardly see nick through tears
“ Sarah don’t do this I love you.” Nick shouts from the pavement
I can’t bear to look at nick
“ Just drive please,” I say my voice wobbling cause I am crying so much.
This has to be the hardest thing to do; all I can see is nicks face when I got in the taxi the way he looked at me. I am sitting at gate waiting to be called wondering if I am doing the right thing.
“ Could people sitting in business class please come to the desk with your boarding cards and passports ready.” The airhostess was saying into the microphone this was it all over again leaving nick but this time it felt a hundred times worse. I have to do this I am strong enough to do this I know I am. So why am I still sitting here?
I get up and walk over to the airhostess giving her my boarding pass and passport, she smiles brightly at me all I can manage is a brief smile I feel so rude but I am not in the mood to be polite. She hands my passport back and lets me through to go down to plane my stilettos are killing me and all I want to do is kick them off and run, run into nicks arms and forget all my troubles but I just can’t not now not ever again. As I reach the aeroplane I am almost in tears again luckily no one has noticed, I get on to the plane and into my seat all I can think about is nick nothing else everything around me seems to remind me of nick like the guy sitting next to me got out his briefcase and I happened to notice his card that clearly explained that he was a lawyer like nick and the lady in front of me asking for a martin without the olive just like nick would ask, I keep telling myself I am being paranoid. After what feels like days I am home.
I open all the windows in my flat to let out all the heat it is nearly midnight and still boiling, I try to get some sleep but just can’t I keep thinking about nick and wondering what he is doing. I decide that I am not going to sleep at all and end up watching dirty dancing the best romantic film if only love could really be that simple even though her dad doesn’t like them together he accepts it in the end and they dirty dance dance together. I wouldn’t normally cry at the end but after everything that has happened I can’t help but cry. I end up falling asleep in front of the TV all I can see in my dreams is nick screaming my name but none one can hear him I wake up to the my phone ringing no wait not the phone the door bell I look up at the clock it is 3.30 who on earth could it be. I stagger to the door still half asleep yawning I open the door and standing in a white checked shirt and jeans is nick.
I can’t speak I don’t know what to say I look around for a conversation starter and end up catching sight of myself in a mirror I look terrible I am wearing and oversized t-shirt and bed socks my hair is all messed up. I look up at nick and he is just looking into my eyes.
“ I have been shouting your name for ages haven’t you heard me?” he says in a gentle voice.
“ I was asleep, sorry.” Why am I apologising he shouldn’t be here.
“ Nick why are you here?” I ask
“ Because I am not going to let it end like this.” Nick walks into my apartment and sits down on the sofa, I close the door behind him and end up sitting on my dinning room table cause my apartment is open plan you don’t have to sit on one particular chair I can sit anywhere.
“ Do you want anything to drink?” I ask politely
“ No, I want you.”
I have no idea how to reply to that so I just end up sitting their not being able to think of anything to say luckily I don’t have to say anything.
“ I know you don’t want it to end like this, and I am not going to let it end like this.”
“ How do you know what I want?” I ask getting angry
“Because I love you and if you love someone you know every little thing about them.”
“ Like what?” I ask
“Like the way they take their coffee, their shoe size, what their favourite movie is or when they are lying or unsure about something.”
“ So do you know all of that?” I challenge him
“ You don’t like coffee or tea, your shoe size is 6 which you hate cause you think it is to big, your favourite movie is dirty dancing probably cause of Patrick Swayze and I do know when you are lying cause I knew the minuet after you left that you were lying.” I get out and walk on to the balcony I don’t know what to say? By this time nick has followed me.
“ I love this view.” Nicks say looking out on to the sea and the moon.
“ You have seen it before.”
“ True but I didn’t pay much attention to it last time all of my attention was you, it looks like you have done really well for yourself.”
“ Well running a billion euro cosmetic company does have its upsides.” I laugh
nicks says nothing and just smiles