The rain began to pour down I cold feel the cold raindrops plummet down onto my cheeks. I looked to my right and I could detect that down the diminutive narrow alleyway that there were bins ruled up against the wall and mould mounting on the floor, I could see dark hefty luminous shadows in the dim light and the floor looked as if it could swallow me up. I passed on with a light shudder that made me tremble at the thought of the alleyway. The reek of the alleyway came back to me and the fear of walking past there was a very uncertain and insecure feeling overcame within me.
I walked past the Chip Shop I could smell the refreshing whiff of the fresh appetizing food it made my mouth water and my stomach began to rumble ferociously I clenched tight with hunger as I longed to devour something but I had no money left in my pockets all I could admire was the tantalising aroma of the hot sweet scented food cooking making my taste buds have a vigorous tingling sensation as I slowly walked past slowly inhaling the sweet aroma of the hot food fill my nostrils.
Round the corner to the Bear and Staff pub I could hear the laughs of people laughing and drinking lagers and pints of beer inside the pubs the doors of the pub were ajar letting people scurry inside and out, the pub was finely decorated and ornaments placed around inside. I could feel the essence of the welcoming and friendly atmosphere that surrounded the pub, people smiling and chatting away as if they had no worries and gave me a relaxed and chilled feeling.
I walked down my road it was all the way toward the other end where I lived, where my house was. I was feeling very tired. I was getting restless with every step towards the house, I began to walk down the slanting road towards my house as I walked I became tired with each step I took, suddenly the wind began to blow in my direction, my hair began to move wildly in the opposite direction the wind was moving my hair tossed and become all tangled and messed. I was walking past the graveyard I was very dark one the most oldest and most scariest graveyard its was very big and haunting I could see beyond the tress that stood firmly on the ground that the graveyard carried on for miles until I saw the squire poking out at the top of the church. Chills of fear ran down my spine as I was scared that zombies might come and get me, imaging the horror movie that I had watched a while back Rising of the dawn.
Commentary
I wrote a piece in the style of travel writing I decided to write about my area Selly Oak as I have lived there all my life and it is a very well known area. I started off my travel writing piece with describing the weather as it played a very big impact on the setting of the story and to grip the reader into my writing. I used this phrase to describe the weather such as “sky was like it had been covered in black soot, rain was spitting violently.” This makes a big impact as it introduces to the reader that the weather tries to convey the emotions of how the writer feels.
In my piece I am describing my journey when I am walking home from Selly Oak train station and I describe how they way I see things such as sight, sounds and the thing that I can smell to give the reader a feel of what its like to be in Selly Oak, so the reader can have the feel of being in Selly Oak and experience the same senses. “The hot sweet scented foods cooking making my taste buds have a vigorous tingling sensation.” This phrase that I have used helps the reader use there senses and it helps to conveys the feelings of the writer, as this sentence it is very descriptive and helps to give the audience the sense of smell. I have also used the phrase “tantalising aroma” to give the same sense of smell to the reader.
I have described what I can feel in the phrase, “I cold feel the cold raindrops plummet down onto my cheeks.” Here again I describe the weather to engage the reader and show that I can fells the rain falling onto me, I also describe when I’m walking past the alleyway and I describe the sort of things I can see to help the reader visualise and create an image of the sorts of things that are down there. The phrase “Dark hefty luminous shadows in the dim light.” This is a ambiguous sentence I have tries to create a unusual atmosphere in the piece when I’m walking past the alleyway also “bins ruled up against the wall” explains to the reader the types of things that are inside the alley, and I try to give a very ambiguous image of the place as its is very hard to full describe.
When the travel writing piece gets to the part where I am walking past the pub it completely changes the mood is this piece as I describe people as, “smiling and chatting away. I also describe how I’m feeling as shown in the words, “I could feel the essence of the welcoming and friendly atmosphere that surrounded the pub.” This phrase can be contrasted to the sentence in the first paragraph which is, “I could feel the breeze crawl over every inch of my body it made me shiver.” These two phrases could be contrasted as they differ completely as it has showed how the writer’s mood has changed completely and this can be contrasted with each other.
Samia Ahmed 12Y