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Why not visit Pakistan? Commentary on my writing.

Extracts from this essay...

Introduction

My travel journal targets prospective travellers to Pakistan or the secondary audience is people who are generally fascinated in travelling. The primary purpose of my travel journal is to inform the audience about the issues in Pakistan. In addition, the secondary purpose is to entertain the audience. Firstly, I have used an engaging exclamatory opening "Problematic Pakistan!" In addition, it is also alliterative. I modified this in my drafting process from a question as I wanted to introduce my point straightaway. Furthermore, like my style model I have employed 1st person pronoun narrative. To elaborate:"I would be lying to you if I said that I was not eagerly anticipating a visit to my ancestor's country". This phrase effectively provides a personal outlook to the travel journal so readers are reassured as the writer has an experience.

Middle

This tripling also helps to fulfil my purpose as my article is successful in raising awareness of the dangers in Pakistan. Next I have used parenthesis for various uses. Similarly to my style model, I employed parenthesis such as: "(the so called "premier airline" of Pakistan because there is only one)"Like my style model, I have used this technique subtly to add a chatty aside - therefore to make the journal more colloquial so I can have a broader audience and contribute efficiently to mixed register (mode). Another example of when I have used parenthesis is:"25 rupees (30p)".In this context, I have included this so additional useful information such as currency is explained to a foreign population who are alien to rupees.

Conclusion

I have used a variety of sentence construction to make the text more interesting and lively which is similar to my style model. I have used the minor elliptical sentence"Takeoff was looming..." is used to add emphasis and a build up of cohesion to the next paragraph and excitement in the form of suspense. I have added the simple sentences from my drafting process "I waited. Waited." to connote a sense of tension and eeriness. I have used complex sentences such as: " I sympathized with his impoverished state and paid him a chunky commission of 25 rupees (30p) which he graciously accepted, expressing his gratitude at my deed by offering countless "Mehrbani's" and excessive prayers". I have employed numerous complex sentences to make the piece more piece more interesting for the reader and more importantly to fullfill the purpose of making the text more persuasive.

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