• Join over 1.2 million students every month
  • Accelerate your learning by 29%
  • Unlimited access from just £6.99 per month

Why not visit Pakistan? Commentary on my writing.

Extracts from this document...

Introduction

My travel journal targets prospective travellers to Pakistan or the secondary audience is people who are generally fascinated in travelling. The primary purpose of my travel journal is to inform the audience about the issues in Pakistan. In addition, the secondary purpose is to entertain the audience. Firstly, I have used an engaging exclamatory opening "Problematic Pakistan!" In addition, it is also alliterative. I modified this in my drafting process from a question as I wanted to introduce my point straightaway. Furthermore, like my style model I have employed 1st person pronoun narrative. To elaborate:"I would be lying to you if I said that I was not eagerly anticipating a visit to my ancestor's country". This phrase effectively provides a personal outlook to the travel journal so readers are reassured as the writer has an experience. ...read more.

Middle

This tripling also helps to fulfil my purpose as my article is successful in raising awareness of the dangers in Pakistan. Next I have used parenthesis for various uses. Similarly to my style model, I employed parenthesis such as: "(the so called "premier airline" of Pakistan because there is only one)"Like my style model, I have used this technique subtly to add a chatty aside - therefore to make the journal more colloquial so I can have a broader audience and contribute efficiently to mixed register (mode). Another example of when I have used parenthesis is:"25 rupees (30p)".In this context, I have included this so additional useful information such as currency is explained to a foreign population who are alien to rupees. ...read more.

Conclusion

I have used a variety of sentence construction to make the text more interesting and lively which is similar to my style model. I have used the minor elliptical sentence"Takeoff was looming..." is used to add emphasis and a build up of cohesion to the next paragraph and excitement in the form of suspense. I have added the simple sentences from my drafting process "I waited. Waited." to connote a sense of tension and eeriness. I have used complex sentences such as: " I sympathized with his impoverished state and paid him a chunky commission of 25 rupees (30p) which he graciously accepted, expressing his gratitude at my deed by offering countless "Mehrbani's" and excessive prayers". I have employed numerous complex sentences to make the piece more piece more interesting for the reader and more importantly to fullfill the purpose of making the text more persuasive. ...read more.

The above preview is unformatted text

This student written piece of work is one of many that can be found in our GCSE Writing to Inform, Explain and Describe section.

Found what you're looking for?

  • Start learning 29% faster today
  • 150,000+ documents available
  • Just £6.99 a month

Not the one? Search for your essay title...
  • Join over 1.2 million students every month
  • Accelerate your learning by 29%
  • Unlimited access from just £6.99 per month

See related essaysSee related essays

Related GCSE Writing to Inform, Explain and Describe essays

  1. The Catcher in the Rye Journal Personal responses to the text

    "She looked like she might have a pretty damn good idea what a bastard she was the mother of. But you can't always tell-with somebody's mother, I mean. Mothers are all slightly insane." Pg. 55 Sounds like a lot of mothers I've met in my life.

  2. What is Extra Sensory Perception (ESP)

    Once you induce a trance, allow any feelings or thoughts that the object may bring fourth. You may be reading a piece of that person's life. Keep practicing and you'll be more able to discern the difference between a real ESP signal and a fabrication of your own thoughts.

  1. Cricket of Pakistan

    At that stage a youngster called Inzamam-ul-Haq who was not a well known player played a tremendous innings of 60 runs on 37 balls which leads the Pakistan to the victory. After wards in Final's Pakistan beat the England and won their first world cup.

  2. Home Visit

    He didn't turn round. "Luke, the doctor is coming. Everything is going to be OK. Mummy is going to fix it all," Tears flooded her eyes as she uttered the last sentence. She couldn't hold them in; she wept and beads of water cascaded over her decrepit skin.

  1. The journey through Pakistan

    We arrived at the door step of my dad's brother's home. What a welcome! There were just queues of family members just eager to meet me and my family. My dad was just exploding with happiness to great his mum again.

  2. Why not visit Pakistan? I would be lying to you if I said ...

    The cabin people expertly placed the food onto my cabin station. Like many greedy passengers, I opened without any hesitation to fill my body with the "nutrients". However, my short lived expectations of high classe cuisine were short lived as the meal was poorly presented.

  1. Writing to entertain.

    attracted to the big, bright, glowing lights of such an exciting place with so much to offer. Despite the opportunities, moving to a diverse and sometimes lonesome city was hard at first but I persevered and eventually found a job as a waitress in an Italian restaurant near the centre.

  2. My visit to the Lake District.

    weather is too bad to go up there as all it is tarmac running round the mountain with no walls and no road markings. We went to bed early and got up at about eleven a.m, then had breakfast and got ready to go.

  • Over 160,000 pieces
    of student written work
  • Annotated by
    experienced teachers
  • Ideas and feedback to
    improve your own work