• Join over 1.2 million students every month
  • Accelerate your learning by 29%
  • Unlimited access from just £6.99 per month

Why not visit Pakistan? Commentary on my writing.

Extracts from this document...


My travel journal targets prospective travellers to Pakistan or the secondary audience is people who are generally fascinated in travelling. The primary purpose of my travel journal is to inform the audience about the issues in Pakistan. In addition, the secondary purpose is to entertain the audience. Firstly, I have used an engaging exclamatory opening "Problematic Pakistan!" In addition, it is also alliterative. I modified this in my drafting process from a question as I wanted to introduce my point straightaway. Furthermore, like my style model I have employed 1st person pronoun narrative. To elaborate:"I would be lying to you if I said that I was not eagerly anticipating a visit to my ancestor's country". This phrase effectively provides a personal outlook to the travel journal so readers are reassured as the writer has an experience. ...read more.


This tripling also helps to fulfil my purpose as my article is successful in raising awareness of the dangers in Pakistan. Next I have used parenthesis for various uses. Similarly to my style model, I employed parenthesis such as: "(the so called "premier airline" of Pakistan because there is only one)"Like my style model, I have used this technique subtly to add a chatty aside - therefore to make the journal more colloquial so I can have a broader audience and contribute efficiently to mixed register (mode). Another example of when I have used parenthesis is:"25 rupees (30p)".In this context, I have included this so additional useful information such as currency is explained to a foreign population who are alien to rupees. ...read more.


I have used a variety of sentence construction to make the text more interesting and lively which is similar to my style model. I have used the minor elliptical sentence"Takeoff was looming..." is used to add emphasis and a build up of cohesion to the next paragraph and excitement in the form of suspense. I have added the simple sentences from my drafting process "I waited. Waited." to connote a sense of tension and eeriness. I have used complex sentences such as: " I sympathized with his impoverished state and paid him a chunky commission of 25 rupees (30p) which he graciously accepted, expressing his gratitude at my deed by offering countless "Mehrbani's" and excessive prayers". I have employed numerous complex sentences to make the piece more piece more interesting for the reader and more importantly to fullfill the purpose of making the text more persuasive. ...read more.

The above preview is unformatted text

This student written piece of work is one of many that can be found in our GCSE Writing to Inform, Explain and Describe section.

Found what you're looking for?

  • Start learning 29% faster today
  • 150,000+ documents available
  • Just £6.99 a month

Not the one? Search for your essay title...
  • Join over 1.2 million students every month
  • Accelerate your learning by 29%
  • Unlimited access from just £6.99 per month

See related essaysSee related essays

Related GCSE Writing to Inform, Explain and Describe essays

  1. The Catcher in the Rye Journal Personal responses to the text

    It's actually kind of funny. "You bastard, did you wake me just to ask me a dumb ques" pg. 50 I hate when people wake me up when I'm really tired just to ask me some stupid question that they could have asked me when I woke up.

  2. Cricket of Pakistan

    The main story of this world cup was that Pakistan played it through and wins without having their key players such as Waqar younis and Saeed Anwar especially with the injured captain Imran Khan.

  1. Why not visit Pakistan? I would be lying to you if I said ...

    The cabin people expertly placed the food onto my cabin station. Like many greedy passengers, I opened without any hesitation to fill my body with the "nutrients". However, my short lived expectations of high classe cuisine were short lived as the meal was poorly presented.

  2. Home Visit

    He didn't respond in any way. She didn't understand. He was still sat in the same way - lonely rigid and uncomfortable, - as he had been the last 5 times she has checked on him. The covers hadn't moved; still tucked just underneath his chin to try and make him snugger.

  1. The journey through Pakistan

    We arrived at the door step of my dad's brother's home. What a welcome! There were just queues of family members just eager to meet me and my family. My dad was just exploding with happiness to great his mum again.

  2. My visit to the Lake District.

    Just as I was leaving I saw my knife and decided to take. As I grabbed it my dad sharply said 'leave it here, we won't need it'. He then walked off down to the car leaving me to lock up the caravan, as I walked towards the door I decided 'it's my knife, I'll take it if I want.'

  • Over 160,000 pieces
    of student written work
  • Annotated by
    experienced teachers
  • Ideas and feedback to
    improve your own work