'Why would someone wait until marriage to have sex? What benefit is there? Why is virginity a special gift?'

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'Why would someone wait until marriage to have sex? What benefit is there? Why is virginity a special gift?'

I'm a virgin, and waiting to share that special gift of human sexuality with that one person I will commit the rest of my life to in marriage (when and if :) A strong foundational supports of a marriage is intended to be the exclusive physical/emotional bond of sexual union. One of the most beautiful ways I think of saving myself for my future wife is looking at it this way: I'm going to love her SOOOO much that right now, as I go through life (even though I don't know for sure who it is I may marry :) I am saving this GIFT.

And I want to give this GIFT only to her, a one of a kind, the most precious person I will ever meet. And she DESERVES it. That gift I will have hopefully kept to show her that she is something REALLY, REALLY SPECIAL. And you know what, I know she will appreciate that with her whole heart. In today's society it's a rare and unique person who wishes to save that gift of sexual union for his/her lifetime marriage partner. I would encourage anyone questioning, feeling the peer pressure, the societal pressure, the boyfriend/girlfriend pressure, to wait until you both enter that lifetime covenant with each other. What could be more exciting, more special, more emotional than sharing the

wonders of sex with your one true and dedicated love!?! Think about it. Think about the future. Think about your future wife or husband. Don't they deserve your absolute best? It's something that you will remember forever, and what better way to experience it than in a relationship lasting a lifetime. :)

'How does one prepare oneself to lose their virginity? And what can you do to get over being *really* nervous about your first time?'

Two inter-related questions, dealing with 'losing it.' *Uggh*. What a horrible term. 'Losing it.' Often popular culture today says 'Go for it, lose your virginity, you're not a man until you do.' 'Make that conquest.' That's what it is generally held up to be in today's society. A conquest. A hurdle. *Uggh*. How many women here would like to volunteer to be a simple obstacle? I know I'm simplifying things, but anyone with such an attitude and wanting to/did take advantage of some young lady, in the name of conquest, how utterly LAME can you get???

Anyway back to the subject. I look at virginity as a gift, to be honorably saved for that one person you decide to spend your lifetime with (i.e. marriage partner.) The greatest emotional/physical treasure a person can GIVE. You don't take it. You don't lose it. You give it. Isn't that what true love is about? So how does one prepare oneself? By making that commitment. Realizing she is sooooooo special that she deserves your ALL. That's your total love, dedication, commitment. Not cheapened, but in a lifetime covenant. Under this context what's the reason for being nervous? Should sharing sex with your husband or wife make you nervous? (of course there's slight nervousness in all new things, but in marriage there is that security of freedom in commitment where a couple can share their unbridled love as it is the ALL of relationships. :) Now of course we look at stuff that would make anyone nervous in a premarital sexual encounter. You've heard it all. Pregnancy, AIDS, STDs, broken relationships, guilt, hurt partners etc...

*** qUoTeS ***

"It is a melancholy fact that [the STD was herpes in this article's case (but HIV/AIDS or other STD would substitute)] has rekindled old fears. But perhaps not so unhappily, it may be a prime mover in helping to bring to a close an era of mindless promiscuity. The monogamous now have one more reason to remain so. For all the distress it has brought, the troublesome little bug may inadvertently be ushering in a period in which sex is linked more firmly to commitment and trust." (Time Magazine) #1 

'My boyfriend and I have been going out for awhile, and there is more pressure to have sex. He says it will strengthen our relationship and draw us closer. I have my reservations. I'm not sure what to do???'

Let's define what sex is not: sex is not love. Let's define what sex is: sex is an expression of love.

What's the one thing that most people are looking for in a relationship? Intimacy.

A recent survey of 300 women ages 18-60 found that women of all ages want men with whom they can be close. 'They want intimacy, which is more than just love and sex.' #2 'Most women interviewed enjoyed hugging, kissing, cuddling, closeness and conversation as much as intercourse. Overall, intimacy was more important than orgasm.' #3 According to a popular female teen magazine, most girls opt for affection over sex. 'Nearly two-thirds feel strongly that affection is much more important than sex in a relationship and another 29% agree somewhat. In fact only 1.1% assert that sex is more important.' #4

Intimacy. Someone to talk to. To care for. To be close to. A person who gives generously. A person who receives generously. It's the assurance that you can turn to another; whenever, wherever, and for whatever reason. But does sex create intimacy? No. Sexual activity can inspire a 'sense' of intimacy during it's duration. But this 'sense' fades quite quickly when there is no substance to back it up.

Intimacy develops with openness. Communication. Truly revealing your innermost thoughts and desires to another. This means laying your emotions on the line; becoming vulnerable. Increasing physical involvement to gain intimacy just doesn't cut it. 'People who discover this often fail to recognize what is happening, and instead of giving up the futile search for intimacy in bed, they intensify it. Time after time they achieve a type of

closeness, and then watch it quickly fade. If this cycle is not broken, they will become numb to the idea of finding true intimacy. They settle for the cheap substitute.' #5 The emotional and psychological bond necessary for intimacy can only be found in the sharing of time, thoughts, and emotions with one another. In a completely open and transparent framework. This then sets up the relationship for emotional expression through physical means.

We all want a successful relationship. Where does sex fit in? An article in 'Psychology Today' noted that sex was 'far down the list of reasons for a happy marriage.' #6 Less than 10% of the individuals with successful marriages thought good sexual relationships were important in keeping their marriage together. Research data revealed, in this study of some 300 couples married more than fifteen years, that sex is not the key to a happy, fulfilled marriage. #6

What is the key? The top two reasons given by both sexes as to why their marriage kept going were the same: #6

1) My spouse is my best friend.

2) I like my spouse as a person.

Sex is intended to be an expression of intimacy and closeness that already exists within a couple. It's a sharing of one's most precious and wonderful physical gifts with the person with whom they have previously experienced intimacy through words, actions, and commitment. And this commitment is fulfilled in a monogamous marital state. Words are just that, words. There is no solid guarantee. Commitment must be realized through action. True love deserves true commitment. The wondrous gift of sex deserves only the highest level of commitment possible, marriage.

Guy(or girl): 'If you love me, then you'll have sex with me.'

Girl(or guy): (possible responses) #5

'If you love me, you'll respect my feelings and not push me into doing something I'm not ready for.'

'Having sex doesn't prove you're in love. I have too much self-respect to get sexually involved before it's right. I've decided to wait.'

'OK, prove how much you love me by understanding and respecting my feelings.'

'Love or no love, any way you slice it, it can result in a baby and that does matter.'

'I love you. But I'd feel better showing you in another way.'

'Can't sex be purely physical, without the emotional and psychological after-effects, or 'baggage'?'

Resulting psychological impact can be assumed about a sexual encounter because sex is a choice. And when a choice is involved, so is mind, will and emotion. It's the nature of humanity. When we choose, we always ask why, and weigh the consequences. And in a consensual act such as sex there are two involved. Just by telling her/him you want to have sex is a choice. You are already affecting another person's mind, will and emotions. Now you may have an argument for sex between animals, for theirs is strictly instinct. We choose WHY we have sex. Whether to give to a person, or take from them. Whether to please them, or please ourselves. Or somewhere in between. If you had no choice in the matter, then it has no psychological content. But you do. You and your partner feel pleasure, pain, love, hate, anxiety, indifference etc. And 'baggage' always results. It can be good feelings. It can be bad feelings. Because you REMEMBER what happened. No longer is the physical there, but the memory remains to be dwelt upon by your mind, will and emotions.

Join now!

*** qUoTeS ***

"There is no possibility of having sexual intercourse without meshing a part of your non-physical self. Sex is such a definite experience that a part of each of you remains forever a part of the other. How many times and how casually are you willing to invest a portion of your total self and accept such an investment from another person, with no assurance that the investment is for keeps?" #7

"True sexual freedom provides the option of saying no to these consequences [of sexual relations.] It says, 'We are human beings with procreative powers capable of ...

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