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Writing to Analyse, Review, and Comment: "Life is unfair" Is it?

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Introduction

1. Writing to Analyse, Review, and Comment: "Life is unfair" Is it? Don't you just miss those times as a child when we use to ask for something and get it straight away? The world was controlled by our fingertips. Well, that's what we believed in. But just that feeling of taking control was amazing. Right? Now it's the complete opposite. We have to bend on our knees to get something- even that don't work. Reality is unfair. Isn't it? Although, when we got what we want, we would cherish it for the rest of our lives, like a child swimming in sweets and chocolates. That is when we see life in a different prospectus Our society is changing day by day, and making us forget the word 'respect' which nowadays no one is able to find in their dictionary. ...read more.

Middle

I wake up every day with a smile on my face, ready to meet the people who make my day. Isn't that just fantastic? Don't you sometimes get the feeling that life is just perfect? Why wouldn't it be? We make up our society, and bring the brightness upon the environment. I remember those moments of my childhood like a clear glass; running to the park just to meet my friends so we can go out to play. We was like a rugby team, we followed each other's footstep from back to forth. Do you remember those moments? I bet you do because life was bright. It's always a classic when your friends go against you for no particular reasons. ...read more.

Conclusion

Then why should we complain. Our life is made up of shiny silver which glows upon everyone. There is always that feeling when you do something for someone, but think whether they will do the same for you. Believe me they do! Every help and support I gave to them, I received the same even more. How does that feel? Amazing! In my opinion I believe life is fair. We make our society and bring the goodness upon all. When you experience a moment, you will always cherish it in our heart and realise that whatever happens- life is fair. "What you give, you get", it's true! I had so many experiences in my life that, when something negative appears I just think of those moments which changes my opinion about the life we live in. ...read more.

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Response to the question

This is a Writing to Argue task. The candidate is arguing the debate as to whether "Life is Unfair". The candidate maintains some focus on the proposed task although it could be considered that their argument is flawed in many ...

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Response to the question

This is a Writing to Argue task. The candidate is arguing the debate as to whether "Life is Unfair". The candidate maintains some focus on the proposed task although it could be considered that their argument is flawed in many ways. There is a good use of language and Second Person Address, but one could argue that this address is assuming that the candidate is writing on behalf of everyone else, and this is not the case given that most of the answer draws upon their own personal experiences. Candidates must set out from the very start (either in a plan or in their head) which sort of address they will use and what tactics they will employ in order to argue their case and belittle the opposing view.

Level of analysis

This is a very complex debate and requires a largely objective view, although it appears that this candidate has only addressed a very subjective view and drawn on their own personal experiences to inform their decision about which side of the debate they support. On top of that, the experiences appear clearly fictitious and do not feel genuine. Also, the use of sarcasm may work in small amounts, but this deeply sarcastic response closes the reader off, and simply insults them at times, belittling their intelligence and ability to think for themselves (e.g. the use of obviously rhetorical questions which then have the answer typed in itallicated font).
Further reasons why this argument is flawed is that there is no consideration of an opposing view. All Writing to Argue tasks require a balanced discussion, with the candidate considering another person's perspective. However, this candidate almost shoots themselves in the foot because they don't ever give themselves any room to consider that the "other side" are in the right. This is very poor writing ability and suggests that the candidate is being far too outright with their rebuttal and is not considering another point of view.

Quality of writing

The Quality of Written Communication is also very poor, as sentences read very badly due to a lack of basic grammar skills. "When you experience a moment, you will always cherish it in our heart and realise that whatever happens- life is fair. “What you give, you get”, it’s true!" sound like a mess of ideas strung together in one sentence until the candidate decided it was time for a full stop. This needs to be addressed as quite frequently the meaning of the piece is simply lost. This could be mean the examiner abandon the paper altogether for reasons of illegibility.


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Reviewed by sydneyhopcroft 10/03/2012

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