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Writing to argue - The internet

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Introduction

The internet is the best invention in the world The internet is the greatest technological revolution of the 20th century. It has opened up many opportunities that would have never happened in the pre-internet era. 48,750,000 people have access to the internet in the United Kingdom. As this number grows so do the endless opportunities that will occur. In this argument I intend to explain to you why the majority of people agree that internet is the best invention in the world. Before the internet, talking to friends meant that you had to either meet up with them or call them. Letters that you sent could take weeks to arrive to other countries and talking to family in other parts of the world was expensive or even impossible. Now, however with the invention of the World Wide Web, the world has become smaller and easier to navigate. Family and friends can instantly talk to each other on Msn or through other services like Skype, a video calling network that is most importantly instant and free. ...read more.

Middle

What would you rather do, wait in the rain for a bus to go into your local town or sit in your nice warm comfortable chair and shop on your computer? The online bidding marketplace, eBay, gives the consumer the chance to look at lots of different products from around the world. Shopping around the world means that new trends and fashion ideas can be broadcast globally. 'eBay' gives the user choice on which item to buy, where from and for what price. It gives people the opportunity to start selling things online and can even become a permanent job which in the current recession can be of a great help. Small business websites can reach wider audiences through relevance searches on Google and banner advertisements. Twenty first century society demands long working hours, and hard working people. This means that people no longer have time to go out and shop, until the internet appeared. People can shop online at whatever time, what they want, the exact brand and pricing that suits them. ...read more.

Conclusion

Some people would say that the internet is a bad thing as inappropriate sites teach people to do illegal or un-natural things. This is outrageous as ISP's are working together to monitor and shut down websites that promote illegal and immoral things and inappropriate searches. Undercover agents intercept paedophile networks and monitor terrorist activist websites to ensure the safety of the nation's young and vulnerable inhabitants. "Serious health issues such as obesity can occur with using the internet on a regular basis." I think that this statement. This is only the case if the person also eats unhealthily and doesn't engage in any form of exercise. It does not just depend on the internet and computers as most people are healthy and active who use the internet. For example I use the internet every day, and I am not obese and unhealthy. I still manage to maintain a healthy lifestyle whilst socialising and researching on the internet. As our world evolves and becomes more artificial by the second, the internet becomes even more vital. The internet has almost become the artery of the world, sever the artery and everything will suffer. ...read more.

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Here's what a star student thought of this essay

4 star(s)

Response to the question

The candidate here presents a good argument for the invention of the Internet and it's plethora of uses. There is a good adherence to argumentative techniques required to form an effective argument well, specifically to statistics and voice of the ...

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Response to the question

The candidate here presents a good argument for the invention of the Internet and it's plethora of uses. There is a good adherence to argumentative techniques required to form an effective argument well, specifically to statistics and voice of the expert, all of which combine to give the essay a feeling that it comes from someone who's really done their research, so well done here, as examiners love to see that there's a real enthusiasm shown by the candidate when it comes to their work.

However, I would perhaps like to see a better-formed counter-argument from the candidate. It is imperative for all candidate aiming for B and higher to include an understanding and appreciation of an opposing viewpoint to their own, however, the argument this candidate provides feels slightly woolly and vague, and perhaps could explain what ISPs are to those not in-the-know about these technological terms. Also, it's very rare to come across a website actively advocating illicit activity, but there is some harmful content on the Internet. It would maybe be better to concentrate on something like potential viruses that your PC can pick up, or privacy issues with social networking sites, for example.

Level of analysis

The Level of Analysis is not marked here, but the Level of Argument is, so I shall evaluate that instead.

The candidate uses a fair amount of arguing techniques in there answer, and all are used quite well. The use of statistics and expert opinion can help the candidate seem more educated in the matter they're arguing in, and they have nicely included personal anecdote about how they found the Internet useful in accordance with educational requirements. Whilst these are all very good and very valid components to an effective argument, I would encourage a better use of a large variety of linguistic devices. Similes, metaphors, exaggeration, hyperbole, triples and repetition could also be included in the essay as a means of really driving home the intention of the essay. Rather than simply saying than the invention of the Internet has opened up "many opportunities", say "unimaginable array of boundary-bulging opportunities" - be over the top! It's the best way to really show your enthusiasm to the examiner.

Quality of writing

The Quality of Written Communication is fair but at times there are errors which can compromise the clarity of the essay, such as ""Serious health issues such as obesity can occur with using the internet on a regular basis." I think that this statement. (sic)" This simply makes no sense and sounds like a part of the sentence was accidentally deleted. Candidates must be careful for simple accidents like this, and this errors just goes to show how important it is the read and re-read your work through so that it all makes sense before you submit it/close the exam booklet.


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