• Join over 1.2 million students every month
  • Accelerate your learning by 29%
  • Unlimited access from just £6.99 per month

WRITING

Extracts from this document...

Introduction

Dear Editor, I am writing to express my opinion on the trend of people replacing shark's fin soup with bird's nest soup in their wedding banquets. There has been a heated debate about that. Nowadays, people may think that eating bird's nest is better than eating shark's fin soup in the wedding banquets. I agree about that. Shark's fin soup is a popular delicacy in Hong Kong. If people still always eating shark's fin soup, the sharks may on the verge of extinction. ...read more.

Middle

Producing bird's nest soup and shark's fin soup does not need to kill the birds and sharks. Although the remainder of the fish, which is often still alive, is thrown back into the sea after the fins have been cut off, but cutting off fins from living sharks and throwing back into the sea only occurs in longline fishing vessels that are targeting other types of fish, such as tuna and swordfish. Sharks may also die quickly after cutting the shark's fin. ...read more.

Conclusion

Hong Kong continues to be the biggest consumers, with at least half of the world's shark fin stocks passing through our city, either for consumption or re-export. Shark's fin soup and bird's nest soup invariably the highlight in a Chinese banquet. They are valued more because it is a symbol of wealth and respect for the guest rather than its taste. Even so, more couples may think that bird's nest is more environmental than shark's fin. Bird's nest is more environmental than shark's fin and birds do not drive to extinction because people eat bird's nest soup. Eating bird's nest is better than eating shark's fin soup in the wedding banquets. Yours sincerely, Chris Wong ...read more.

The above preview is unformatted text

This student written piece of work is one of many that can be found in our GCSE Writing to Inform, Explain and Describe section.

Found what you're looking for?

  • Start learning 29% faster today
  • 150,000+ documents available
  • Just £6.99 a month

Here's what a star student thought of this essay

4 star(s)

Response to the question

For a candidate whose first language is not English, this is a very confidently written essays, whose points are expressed well and show a good level of understanding of how to construct an effective Writing to Persuade piece. The structure ...

Read full review

Response to the question

For a candidate whose first language is not English, this is a very confidently written essays, whose points are expressed well and show a good level of understanding of how to construct an effective Writing to Persuade piece. The structure is good, as each paragraph is clearly defined and deals with a certain topic about the dangers of over-consumption of the delicacy of shark fin soup, and the introductory and concluding paragraph act nicely as bookends to the essay. The candidate uses a variety of discourse markers to help keep the essay interesting and succinct as is flows well from paragraph to paragraph, feeling like a cohesive body of thought rather than a potentially disjointed effort. All in all a sound essay that is indicative of a candidate working at a low B grade for GCSE.

Level of analysis

The Level of Analysis here is fairly good - the facts presented are well-thought out and expressed clearly, but where the candidate fails to achieve the A grade is because not enough rhetoric is featured here. A few rhetorical questions; statistics here and there about the decline in the numbers of sharks in Hong Kong bays; exaggeration (superlative, hyperbole). Whilst some of these devices have been used, the whole piece feels very literal and flat, and could do with a bit of life in the form of some non-literal comparative devices like similes and hyperboles. I realise this would be hard for a candidate who first language is not English, but nonetheless, these are not hugely difficult devices to implement, so I recommend the candidate acquaint themselves with these devices and how they can be effective in structuring an effective persuasive argument.

Quality of writing

The Quality of Written Communication, for a non-native English speaker, is good. The candidate's spelling throughout the essay is almost wholly accurate, though the grammar and sentence syntax might need some attention. This is not something that can be recommended by me or by any examiner, as special considerations are taken for non-native English speaking candidates, but I could confidently predict that given the possible language barriers here the candidate would not be penalised for any of these discrepancies.


Did you find this review helpful? Join our team of reviewers and help other students learn

Reviewed by sydneyhopcroft 12/07/2012

Read less
Not the one? Search for your essay title...
  • Join over 1.2 million students every month
  • Accelerate your learning by 29%
  • Unlimited access from just £6.99 per month

See related essaysSee related essays

Related GCSE Writing to Inform, Explain and Describe essays

  1. Another City

    Some of the New York icons which we visited were the World Trade Center, Statue of Liberty and a few other places. I remember climbing up the never- ending swirl of stairs in the Statue of Liberty. It wore me out after a while, therefore I chose to rest at short intervals.

  2. A letter to the Jem and Scout many years later when Boo Radley is ...

    My mother just used to cry everyday. I know she tried softening my father and she tried to make him forgive me but he couldn't and he didn't. I always thought that if I obeyed him, he would someday look at me and forgive me.

  1. Under the Sea!

    The tank was about the size of a bath tub; it was humongus! The tank was made of special glass that doesn't break too easily. It had a wooden frame on the top and the bottom, with legs that protrude like a model's leg, long and skinny.

  2. A fancy dress competition and Building a Den.

    Another boy was very cleverly dressed up as a pixie. a long pointed nose, a cleverly designed negligee, and the streamlined shape of the shoe with a mass of cotton attached towards its ends, were the features that made him exclusive.

  1. Creative writing - It was supposed to be a great adventure, searching for lost ...

    After about half an hour, we reached the hotel. I took a glimpse of the hotel using my torch. I could see a dingy hotel with dirt and cracks. There was no attractive features and there was a disgusting odour. I went inside. The door creaked as I opened it.

  2. Original Writing Coursework - Auschwitz

    She had never seen a person subjected to the Nazi doctors' experiments; she had na�vely felt a kind of happiness when she heard the sickening wails! But now she knew the disgusting practises that occurred in Block 10. All around her, skeletal, sexless, nameless humans were rising, carefully levering themselves

  1. Creative Writing Coursework : Guilt

    She would have no idea. Sophie's place was a huge detached house on the outskirts of Kinston. It had taken us about half an hour in the taxi to reach it, but it was worth the wait. It was one of those pretty little suburban houses like you see in the movies with a white picket fence; it must have cost a fortune.

  2. Book Report. Chinese Cinderella is a compelling autobiography by Adeline Yen Mah.

    Besides, ?Friendship? is also a theme of the book. Though Adeline does not have many friends, she once has got a bosom friend which cares about her. My favourite line in the book is said by Adeline?s grandfather-?But you can vanquish the demons only when yourself are convinced of your

  • Over 160,000 pieces
    of student written work
  • Annotated by
    experienced teachers
  • Ideas and feedback to
    improve your own work